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sweet pea's picture

hi everyone,
i have been reading other posts and am SOOOOOOOO excited to know that i am not the only one with issues when it comes to being a step parent. i really thought i was on my own!
i have no kids of my own currently and have 3 skids SD18, SD16, SS13 for the last 7 years. 50/50 custody with BM
i don't really know how far to go back with the issues i have had so ask any questions if it is not covered here.

Firstly, i have a major dislike for SD18. she is nothing but a using SOB who is very manipulative to get what she wants. she is just soooo disrespectful and i am glad that she has moved away.
3 years ago she has accused me of beating her and strangling her, which i didn't do and as much as SD16 tried telling BM this, BM suddenly became super mum of the year and said SD18 was not coming to our place because of what i had done....but SD16 and SS13 was allowed to stay with us....yes BM if a real winner lol
so with SD18 at BM she had free reign, so late nights, alcohol and drugs, staying at strangrs places, hitch hiking etc occured.
the SD18 decides she is over BM and decides to run away. BM and DH couldn't get her back, so for the sake of my worried DH and as a big to SD i hunted her down using my criminal minds skills lol.
she has stolen alcohol, smokes, food, my moisturisers, smellies, money etc
last christmas after she recieved her gift from us she decided to ruin my day by screaming out that i "stole" her cardigan that i was wearing, crying and screaming, she was 17 at the time, a cardigan that i had purchased 2 weeks prior to seeing her. even after showing her the reciept she still kept accusing me. DH had had enough and told her she can stay with her mother and dropped her off there. i thought yay i can finally enjoy what was left of the day. went and spent time with my family then called into see DH family and SD18 is there. GUTTED! DH said she apologised and was going to apologise to me. fat chance, got NOTHING.
so then she moves away and i think heck yeah this is awesome. its been almost a year since i have seen her. then DH tells me she is coming back for a week. GUTTED. but what pisses me off more, is that i find out that DH and BM are going halves to cover the flights and DH offers to pick her up from the air port which is 4 hours away. DH seems to have forgotten to tell me the part that we are funding half the flight costs!! to me, if she can booze up, get a whole heap of tattoos and live it up then she can afford to pay for her own flights.
i don't want to see her, she causes nothing but arguments with me and DH.
for the last couple of years i have been perfecting the "disengaging the skids" and its been going ok, i didn't even know what i was doing was called something until i read some posts.
DH gets all upset because i dont want anything to do with her and don't want to hear anything about her, thn i'm the bitch.

how do i get it accross nicely that i don't like SD18, don't want anything to do with her and that i am pissed about not being told that we are funding flights? :?

giveitago's picture

You just keep on disengaging, do NOT let her push buttons. Believe me when I tell you I know it's hard to do, I had to physically hold myself down at times and then I got to the point whereby I'd think of some happy memory at those times and I'd refuse to rise to ANY bait she threw at me.
The second this girl sees you react she'll hone in on it, again, believe me when I say this.
I wish you luck! It's still hard going not to allow bullshit to impact me but I'm keeping my chin up too.

oldone's picture

Let him call you a bitch. Then tell him that at least you are not a lying bitch like SD.

Orange County Ca's picture

Stick to your guns. Your sanity is worth more than your husbands ire. He's not stupid, he's pulled her chain a few times, so he can't reasonably say he doesn't understand your attitude.

I'd tell him that she is not setting foot in the home. She can stay at her mothers, at a cheap motel or sleep in the park. Anywhere but on your property.

Orange County Ca's picture

It sounds like she eventually apologized? I had to toss a step-daughter out for stealing because she wouldn't apologize also. She was close to graduation and was told to move ASAP when she did. To her credit she took her life and ran with it never looking back. Nor did she ever need to come back - it may have been a blessing in disguise for her as she had to tough it out, and she did.