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Need to scream!!!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

So, just like I thought...I got stuck taking SD14 with us when BD22 and I went out the last couple of days. And just as I suspected, she asked for this and that and this. DH met us at Old Navy on Monday, and I agreed to get SD14 a few things as they were having a big sale. SD14 was getting upset because most of what she was picking out was getting veto'd (shirts and tank tops with v-necks, which she knows DH does not approve of because they show too much cleavage, shorts that showed the bottom half of her butt, etc.). A couple of pieces I just gave up on for the sake of argument, like when SD14 STUFFED herself into a pair of size 4 shorts...she tried on the 6's, which looked fine on her...were not falling off...but she said the waist was too loose. She got the 4's, and when she came out of the dressing room, you could see the waist cutting in (total muffin top going on), but she was happy with that! Whatever. NEVER during this trip did she ask for anything sensible, like jeans, underwear, etc.

Well, last night, DH gets this call from BM. BM is yelling at him that he won't by SD14 anything! He was like, "Hold up, what is she saying we won't buy?" BM goes on to say that SD14 is saying we won't get her any clothes, and that she is asking BM to take her school shopping because we won't do that...she says she needs jeans and stuff. DH set BM in her place right away (was actually proud of him for that)...he explained that we have been on several shopping trips the last few weeks, and on EVERY trip, SD14 has gotten something...a pair of shoes, some shorts, shirts, etc. DH called SD14 in after getting off the phone. He asked her point blank, "So what is it you NEED that we won't buy you?" SD14 started stumbling for words. It was then explained to her that he doesn't care how BM did things, in this house, we don't do things like go out and buy a whole new wardrobe just because it is a new school year...that we buy clothing throughout the year as it is needed or we come across good deals...that is the way it has ALWAYS been! Big ticket items like shoes are bought when they are NEEDED! She said that she needed jeans, and DH brought up that she hadn't even tried on any of the jeans or asked for jeans when we were at Old Navy just the day before! Basically, SD14 thinks that every school year, she can get a whole new set of clothes and just toss her clothes that are still perfectly good and fit...but they are last year's clothes so she doesn't want them any more!

Basically, I think she is trying to get BM to take her shopping, too. Two reasons: 1) gets her more stuff; and 2) BM just buys whatever style SD14 wants and doesn't care if her boobs pop out of the top of her shirt or her butt hangs out the top or bottom of her jeans/shorts! SD14 doesn't like our vetos...she doesn't like that we won't allow her to show her goods all over the place!

The only "school shopping" done in this house is when the supply list comes in, and we buy exactly what is on the list. Oh, and she is already trying to argue that she needs those fancy more expensive binders and folders with the designs on them...that it is okay with the teachers! I told her point blank, "Um, I've already put two kids through that very high school...the SAME teachers are there that were there the entire time your brother and sister went, and I know for a fact they ALL will not accept the fancy stuff...they want plain white or black binders, they want plain folders, they want plain journals.

I had a feeling this crap would start up as the school year approached. I'm just waiting for SD14 to start begging BM to let her move back to her house again. If she leaves again, I'm making it clear to DH that she is NOT moving back...I'm done! Both BM and DH have treated her like a little princess for far too long, and now she thinks she can just play them until she gets her way.

Living the dream's picture

She sounds exactly like my SDs. Exactly.

Always trying to manipulate their parents and pit them against each other to benefit themselves. Treated like princesses their whole lives. Now they are the most selfish, entitled, uncaring people I've ever met.

Nothing good can come of raising kids like this. Nothing. Too bad their parents never figured that out.

momagainfor4's picture

my sd13 will be 14 in a month. Sad thing is she wears things like that too. so small that you wonder how they don't cut her cooter in half. It's disgusting to me. Of course, this one hasn't started her period yet and I think things might change a bit when she does. the shorts that look like panties might change a bit. I pray!
BC no one wants to see your string hanging out!!

I agree that sounds like princess is used to playing ppl against each other. and used to getting what she wants by making ddddaaaaddddddyyyyy look bad in front of bm.
I have to say my so doesn't buy much of anything in the way of clothing for his kid. his idea is that he pays cs and so that's that.
The brat still shows up here with exactly enough clothing for the weekend. Never anything that is really needed like clothes that can get dirty or messed up.
As far as popping out of your clothing, I guess it's all the rage, sd13 does it all the time.
She is literally a stick figure with 2 tiny bites. but she thinks she is sooooo sexy. I overheard her telling her friend how she was soooo sexy. hahahahahah!!! that made me laugh.
I hope that you can make it through the next month without losing it, just remember this too shall pass!!

hismineandours's picture

I think it's fairly normal. Most kiddos I know DO expect "school clothes". Even in families that are very poor-a lot of time local agencies will kick in and help them buy school clothes. Now, my kiddos (who are 15, 14, and 11) don't throw out clothes simply because they are from last year, but they do want to have some new items to start the year with.

As far as the too tight clothes-they are absolutely all the rage with the girls. I think they are pretty disgusting. I think I have finally helped my daughter see that too tight clothes actually make her look heavier, while clothes that fit her properly are slimming and flatter her. (she's not fat, just has lots of curves)

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Funny you should say that...Old Navy actually had a section for school uniforms! Blue or khaki pants and skirts, simple polo shirts, etc. SD14 saw it and said she would just die if she went to a school that had uniforms. Oh, if only there were one that she could be put in around here...that would be funny!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Neither of my two kids ever expected clothes shopping at the beginning of the school year...never did it that way. I've always found it way more cost efficient to shop throughout the year. I've learned over time that stores gouge people with holidays and events. Funny how you can put SALE in big letters and people think they are saving a ton of money, and they don't realize that just two months ago, the item was cheaper than the stated sale price for the holiday or event (there have actually been real investigations into this...I think it was last year, this group sent out secret shoppers in like Aug/Sept timeframe...they made a list of items and prices...then they sent out the secret shoppers on Black Friday, and found the SAME items on "sale" for more than they cost just a couple of months before, with the original price overly stated). See, I also have no problem with shopping consignment...do it all the time, but SD14 isn't really big on that...she thinks she has to get all new things. I've been shopping consignment with my kids for years! I started when I was in my early 20's, and working in a law office...the dress code was one which it would have cost my whole pay check to keep up with if I didn't find consignment and thrift stores! To this day, BD22 loves consignment shopping! All through high school, she would laugh because people though she was rich...she was always wearing designer jeans, Holister shirts, etc...she never told them she got it all at consignment shops for pennies on the dollar of what the stuff really cost! She knows the drill...you find places like Plato's, Goodwills, etc. in the higher end parts of town, and you often find all kinds of great stuff really cheap...stuff that may have only been worn once or not at all! You go about once a month, because the inventory is always changing. Shoot, I have jeans in my closet that brand new cost $300, but I got them for about $20/pair! But like I said, SD14 looks down on this...she wants NEW stuff all the time...oh, and forget the clearance racks (which are also second home to me). She always wants the new arrivals...which...if you just wait a couple of months, you can get on the clearance rack for 50-75% off!

Yeah, I don't know what it is with girls stuffing themselves into clothes that don't fit. Shoot, we are already in the age of "vanity sizing" so what is the deal? What do I mean? I wear a size 2 now...that equals a size 6 back when I was in high school! The clothing industry has jacked with women's sizes to make women and girls feel better about themselves...instead of a size 12, they now wear an 8. But they all seem to want to be a 0!! I don't know how these girls think they look good stuffing themselves into these clothes...there is nothing attractive about a muffin top! @hismineandours...I've tried to explain the same thing to SD14 about the clothes...that poor fitting clothes will actually make you look heavier (as she is obviously overly concerned with her weight). When you have stuff popping out of the tops of your jeans, etc. it gives the visual impression that you are heavier than you really are. The best way to look slimmer is to wear clothes that fit properly, and then the clothes last longer because you are not putting excess stress on buttons, seams, etc. I also try to explain to her that she should always buy things that are just slightly loose, because after a couple of washings, things do get a little more snug...a half an inch in the waist will turn into just right. But no, they expect us parents to spend all this money on clothes, and then need new clothes in a couple of months because the dryer shrunk them, or the buttons popped, or they have holes where the seams came undone.

I guess these girls will learn when they have to buy their own stuff, or they will just sweet talk guys into buying them stuff all the time.

roxyj's picture

Both of my SDs and my SSs get any and everything they ask for- my DH's mother recently took the girls on a shopping spree and ended up spending a few THOUSAND dollars on them?!?!?! Michael Kors purses, $500 dresses, shorts that their ass cheeks are hanging out of.... It is ridiculous! They are always whining about how we never buy them anything and it kills me! They are in need of nothing and in want of everything. I agree that nothing good comes from raising children like this. All of the kids are selfish and spoiled and entitled because the MIL and BM parent out of guilt and "poor children are from a broken home". Such bull! Those kids are better off than most children from traditional families! My parents did not raise me that way and it is so hard to watch and not be able to do a single thing about! I apologize in advance for unleashing them on the world Wink

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

SD14 is pulling this crap right now because DH will not let her "dress how she wants". BM never really cared how the girl dressed. That is at least one thing DH is very firm on...his daughters WILL dress modestly! Now, he is not telling her she cannot have her own style, but he is telling her that the necklines have to be such as there is NO cleavage, and shorts and skirts must be at least as long as her fingertips if her hands are straight down to her sides (which is school dress code anyway, but so many girls get away with shorter because the school doesn't fully enforce it). Other than that, she can wear black, florescent, ruffles, stripes, ripped jeans (as long as the rips are all below the fingertips), whatever.

Here's a good one...while we were out yesterday, she was trying to convince me that she could wear this crop top. I told her no, because it came just under her boobs, and the least little bit of movement would show more of her than the world should be seeing. She went into full argument mode right there in the store, holding up the top and yelling that, "See, it covers!" Yup...barely covered...came just under her boobs just like I said, and to tell the truth, any little kid could look straight up her shirt in that thing. BD22 looked at her like, "What are you trying to show everyone!" It really scares me that this girl is in high school next year, especially the way I see her argue about how modest or not modest certain pieces of clothing are. Just the day before in Old Navy, same thing...loudly in the store started arguing with DH about how low a v-neck shirt came on her.

nothinforya's picture

We instituted a plan for SD to have a clothing "budget" when she was 14 and lived with DH and I. She had come to us from her BM with literally nothing but some yard sale rags, ill-fitting and stained. She was thrilled to have $200-$300 quarterly to spend on her wardrobe, BUT I made sure that she knew it had to cover EVERYTHING from socks to hats. She learned how to be a good shopper. We still had to buy the occasional item, but it was win-win overall. Now she's back with BM and dressing like a homeless person again.