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Moving Out

razz0696's picture

I have a 16 year old daughter, DH has a 16 & 17 year old daughters. I am fed up with MIL, ex, and SD16 & SD17, i have totally disengaged with all of them & DH is aware of this. He keeps telling me it will get better once SD17 leaves for college this year (which she is commuting not leaving!) and when the other one is gone. My daughter has off and on moments with SD16 being they are in the same grade, same school. I hated my bio-sister at times, so i try to compare, but I don't know if it is the same. We have all 3 every other week. My daughter has mentioned a couple times about moving. I can live on my own, get by, I am not sure if it worth me staying until she leaves for college in 1.5 years (She is going 2 hours away, moving on campus). She has a car & I am trying to keep her active away from the house. Does it really get any better once the kids graduate high school? I don't feel there is any hope and I am almost certain I am leaving once my daughter is gone. I think the stress of moving is too much right now.

hereiam's picture

I think the stress of moving is too much right now.

What about the stress of staying? I'm not saying you have to move out tomorrow but if you are quite certain you're leaving once your daughter goes to college, I would start the ball rolling instead of staying in an environment where I am fed up with everybody.

I know it's not easy but the ones who finally left (AJanie, FrenchPeas, for example), were much more at peace, and happier, once they did. FrenchPeas's kids were, too.

twoviewpoints's picture

" I am almost certain I am leaving once my daughter is gone. I think the stress of moving is too much right now."

If you're pretty certain you're done with this relationship and marriage in 18 months, why would you stay the next eighteen months? It's not fair to your husband to use him in this manner. What? So you can be less stressed until you suddenly announce 'I want a divorce' in eighteen months?

Maybe it's just me, but I couldn't 'fake it' for eighteen months and take advantage of another person that way. When it's over, it's over. Yes, I realize some need to stay a bit to gather enough cash to leave, but you've already said you could 'get by' . Of course, it may be financially easier to stay longer, but IMO if that's the case you owe it to your Dh to tell him your intentions and let him decide if he desires to continue on with this marriage for another 18mo.

I think if I were your daughter I'd rather see my mother uproot us and allow us to live in peace and a chance of being happy than stay. Once you've reached the point of wanting to leave, it doesn't get better. It gets worse. Everything, even tiny things become over grown intolerable things that just can eat at you (you as in general you) and you can become miserable and bitter. Unhealthy and lots more stressful than licking your wounds and getting on with it now.

Just my two cents.

skatermom's picture

How about switching the weeks so your daughter is there when they are not? Even a couple of days per week? My schedule is that I have my BD16 and BD13 Every other week, switching on Sunday and my DH has SD13 and SDs10 Wed, Thurs and E/O weekend. At least my girls get Sunday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon without the RATs when they are here, it's a little break at least.

Acratopotes's picture

all excuses... if you want to leave, do it now... you already disengaged from any one, you can afford living on your own, why not simply move now?
There will be stress involved but once you find a nice place for you and DD.... all stress will be gone