"We" have to do something to make this work? Because you compromising and letting the rodent into your home, not banning an adult from your house, pushing for therapy for SD13, you putting up with all the disrespect and bs from All of them isn't You doing something? I would have told him there's no more we in trying to make this work, it's all on him now.

He's been a complete ass to you, going behind your back, undermining you and he needs to fix his damn self. All you need to do is keep working on your exit plan.

I'm sure your ate some magic beans: your "balls" sure did grow fast!

This sounds like a nightmare situation. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!

Amazing how boundaries work, eh? You let him know he was trampling yours for sure and suddenly you have his attention.

At every single juncture your dh seems think the answer is "Moon must give in/step up." He never thinks one of the girls has to give in. He never thinks he has to step up. That is a really awesome plan--for him.

He's raised one already adult who flat out states she doesn't want to grow up or even graduate. His other child is filthy and trying to contort her own body. But he thinks he's doing a bang-up job as a parent? Are you kidding me?

I feel so sorry for sdog. No one teaches him anything. None of this is his fault. He's just a little critter doing critter things trying to survive.

It sounds as if you are giving DH clarity. Hopefully the lessons will stick.

Take care of yourself.

Maybe sell your townhouse to buy him out of the house you live in now or sell your townhouse for a downpayment on a new house. But I agree with Tommar. At this point nothing he or they do can fix it. You need a breather. For a long time.

Oh, Moon! I hate that you are having to live in that circus, even if it isn't your circus! What is it with these guys? They can disrespect you, allow their kids to disrespect you, and yell at you for it! Yet, the second you even mention leaving...backtrack city! DH does the exact same crap!

I also have the same problem with DH...he doesn't touch the check book, but he is really good about spending/wasting money! Whenever I tell him HHB can't have this or that because it simply isn't in the budget (because HE has no money left to buy it for her, and I'm sure as hell not buying her jack anymore), I get the same kind of crap as your DH pulled. I mean, why can't the princess have what she wants? Because that isn't how you RAISE a child! Kids don't get whatever it is they want, even if the parents can afford it! You give a child whatever they want, they grow up to be entitled brats who can't launch out into the world!

I find it interesting that she is feeling attacked,when all I did was ask some questions that would give me some insight into what all this purulent rage is, which she failed to answer. Then when she did answer one about why she was so angry, she again makes about SD, and her reaction to her mother's death. Damn, she even wants to criticize this child's reaction to the death of her own mother! Your petty name calling and foul language are just part of what is really wrong in this situation. Here's a question for all of you that have bio children. If you died, would you want this woman to be your biochildren's stepmom?
Some of the things she saying that she does, if it was your bm, you would be so indignant. No eye checkup for a young person for two years, even though they can afford it,because her mother left her funds to be taken care of. Come on you all get mad if your BM's are not using the child support for the kids, please explain to me what the difference is?

Now you can call me whatever you like,because I obviously touched a nerve. But facts are facts and the facts are that if you look at even just this one post of hers, she is doing at least 10 things on the list below. You look at any of her other posts, she has them all covered. All you know is the parts that she chooses to share, and they are skating the edge. People that are really reading her posts,will notice the secret pleasure she is deriving, while she is still the ultimate victim of EVERYTHING, that happens, with no empathy, and as I said many contradictions. She tells you she hasn't been saying anything, being a little timid mouse of a wife, when you can read that is not the case.
Everyone goes through things and people that are venting and sharing here in order to release frustration will at least question themselves, or actually have legitimate beefs. This one right here,she takes the cake. Be mad if you want, but check out the list.

Abusive Cycle - This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

Alienation - The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual's relationships with others.

"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.

Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

Bullying - Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

Dissociation- A psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers.

Frivolous Litigation - The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.

Gaslighting - The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

Grooming - Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

Harassment - Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

Imposed Isolation - When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.

Intimidation - Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

Lack of Conscience - Individuals who suffer from Personality Disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.

Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

Magical Thinking - Looking for supernatural connections between external events and one’s own thoughts, words and actions.

Narcissism - A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.

Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

No-Win Scenarios - When you are manipulated into choosing between two bad options

Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

Parental Alienation Syndrome - When a separated parent convinces their child that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.

Pathological Lying - Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

Proxy Recruitment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing “doing the dirty work”

Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries.

Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

Scapegoating - Singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

Self-Aggrandizement - A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

Stalking - Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

Thought Policing - Any process of trying to question, control, or unduly influence another person's thoughts or feelings.

Threats - Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

Tunnel Vision - The habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

Wow. Asking Moon about her 'hobby'. Yours must be delving into someone else's life to point out everything that you think is wrong with it. Talk about having time on your hands. As far as we know, you don't know her personally, so it's actually kind of weird to to take so much interest when all you want to do is rag on her.

BTW, I think sike, is actually spelled 'psych'.

Who ARE you??

The crazies definitely come out in the summer time. Is that because school is out or is it because the crazy BMs are bored without their kids around?

What is it now? One week down and four more to go, Moon? IIRC it was to be five weeks. You're 20% through. Bright side, sounds like HH is not causing too many problems and is staying in it's little spot in the basement. Dark side? Too bad SD19 isn't staying down in her spot.

You might consider putting a lock on SD19's old bedroom. Make her come and ask for entrance. She doesn't need in there when Dad and you are working during the day. Get her a cheap plastic beach bag carry-all to take back and forth to the shower. She can carry up her clean clothing for shower and carry back down to basement her soiled clothes. Put up a line to hang her damp things if needed down there and a cheap hamper for her dry dirty clothes. She can cart her laundry up on her laundry day and then carry it all right back down. Her college crap is being stored in the old bedroom, she doesn't need to be in that room. If it is necessary she can ask to be admitted. She's proved herself incapable of the privilege of coming in and out of there without supervision. Dad can get off his butt and unlock the door in the evenings if she needs something in there. He can also make sure she hasn't done anything like leave windows open and lights on when he relocks the door. She wants to act five, she can be treated like she's five. There was a reason she was regulated to the basement. Remind her of that.

If SD13 gets a monthly check for being a minor survivor treat it like CS. Have DH decide what is needed out of it to put into household cost (food ect), what is needed to perhaps go in savings for her for emergencies and whatnot and also an amount put in an account (existing account even) that is for Dad to use for clothing, glasses, boob trappers, and whatever else Dad thinks she 'needs'. When the daily 'needs' cash is gone or getting too low due to SD spending, then nothing else until next check. It's a simple budget. If SD wants/needs something she can learn about budgets and living within her means. This is what is coming in for her and people who have a budget have to make choices. Then no matter what it is Dad and her decide to buy or not buy that month tune out of it. If they spend $50 , fine. Girly swim suit or boyish swim wear, doesn't matter. They are done spending when they run out of the monthly allotted money. If she needs glasses, fine. However if she has already went through her monthly allotted cash, she has to wait for the following month. If she then spends 200-300 on new glasses, she has to realize there will be little to none left then to go shopping for something else she needs and/or wants. It's part of Dad's job as parent to teach his kids that money doesn't grow on trees and people can't spend more than they have. Even adults have to space out their wants/needs. There is no such thing as an unlimited supply of cash just because we need/want something.