Moody, Unpleasant Stepson
My SS is 12 and started secondary school in September. He's always been a good kid with a good attitude; we've been so lucky with him regarding his behaviour (x10 years .
Since he started secondary school however, his behaviour has went downhill. His attitude positively stinks. He comes across as moody and ungrateful, arrogant and lazy. He has tunnel vision for his phone and Playstation, huffing and bitching about anything he is asked to do outside of this (both chores which are minimal, and family activities and days out). He has gotten so rude when he answers back as well. This change has literally happened in the space of several months. I feel as though the little boy I know and love is fading. It makes me sad. It also makes me feel extremely frustrated, under-appreciated, and fed up.
I know he is entering puberty. His hormones are everywhere and he is pushing boundaries to find out who he is as he grows. I'm trying to be patient (maybe it would be easier if he was my own kid?), but I'm really struggling with how unpleasant my SS is becoming.
I guess this is just a post to get these feelings off my chest. To say I miss the version of my stepson that was just a few months ago.
(x10 years .
This was supposed to say (nearly x10 years as a stepfamily).
Time to disengage. You can
Time to disengage. You can still love him from afar but let his dad handle all the issues. If he doesn't clean his room? Dad can either enforce that or clean it for him. If he is rude? Be civil but distant. "Hi, how was your day" "Oh that's a shame" and end it. Either don't plan things (let your DH do that) or plan them with everyone else in mind and leave it up to your DH to make him come along or not.
I find that SMs who love kids get attached to their stepkids when they are little and cute and innocent but then it becomes harder for them when they turn into teens. (Kids always exhausted me so I'd actually prefer the moody teenager.) We only become targets when we try to step in and enforce the rules. Your DH should be the one to do that (and take the heat for it).
Sounds just like my SD21
He sounds exactly like my SD21, who started this BS when she was 12. She hasn't changed much. Now she she enjoys a fast-paced exciting and glamorous career as a doordasher! She also shares an apartment with several people and 5 cats. She is still banned from our house for things she has done in the past and never owned up to.
Take his game system and phone.
Inform him that "moody unpleasant" little shits do not get electronics, then send him to the back yard to work through his moody unpleasant crap and tell him not to bother knocking on the door until he is over it.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
If he repeats the crap.. say 3 times, take a hammer to his phone and game system while reminding him that he has been given clarity on this repeatedly and now it will no longer be problem. Though, he can sit his ass outside any time he pulls the moody bullshit.
IMHO of course