I feel like I complain a lot, maybe because I do. I am currently sitting at a park because I don't want to be at home. I am not sure where to go with what I am feeling, and then I wonder if I am crazy for feeling this way. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. I don't want to seem like a complainer in real life, so here I am again...
DH ended up going to "get something to eat" Monday night and was gone for 3 hours, which I saw on the bank account later he went to a local brewery. He attempted to apologize for how our anniversary went earlier in the day, but when I was blunt about how I saw it, he shut down and walked away. He is very good at pretending nothing is wrong, but I know he stuffs it inside. So we didn't resolve anything on Monday, I just got more aggravated that he ditched me again and went to a bar.
Yesterday he made the meal he was supposed to make on our anniversary and invited me to eat outside with him. He brought up not being sure how to approach the issue between us. I am not even exactly sure what we said, but again I was blunt and factual...and I told him I looked at his phone and saw the text from SD and his typed and not sent reply. He said it didn't feel right to him that I looked at his phone.....and I said that he has always told me I can look at it whenever because he has nothing to hide. So it is ironic he now has a problem with it because I caught him in a lie. He admitted he lied about when she texted him, but swears up and down that is not why he cleaned the pool. At the exact moment she said she wanted to swim the next day. I told him I don't believe him, that it has been like this for years...him dropping everything to do what SD wants when she snaps her fingers. I said that I am trying to let that go as it is his business, but when it affects me, like leaving me to finish work he started, I am going to get angry about it. Especially when he lies on top of that. I ended up leaving the house last night, needed some me time. We aren't fighting, but we aren't right either. We have this pattern of, we will talk about things and seem to be on the same page, but when SD turns up he loses all of that and appears to chase after her like a puppy dog. It makes me feel like less in our marriage, and that is not what I want for myself, or how I think it should be for anyone.
So this morning he had mentioned SS19 wanted his girlfriend to come swim and asked if that was ok. I said sure. This afternoon I got a text saying DH was going to grill out and SS and his girlfriend said they would eat, but SD16 had to work at 5 so she couldn't. I did not know SD was included in this, she did not show up to swim Monday, and she has not darkened our door in over a month. But of course because she is DHs daughter, I am not going to say anything to him about how if we didnt have a pool she would not want to come over and that I don't like being used. We have a security camera at our front door, and we get phone notifications when there is motion. I got an alert around 4 that SS had come home, and there was a car parked in front of our house that looked a lot like SDs boyfriend. An hour and a half later, the camera went off again and it was SD and her boyfriend leaving. I was late leaving work, but if I had come home at my normal time, I would have been surprised to find SDs boyfriend there. Our rule has always been, no gfs/bfs at the house without a parent home, in the case of our boys now they are adults and have been with their girlfriends each for a couple years so that has been lifted. So I dont know if DH knew the boyfriend was coming and concealed it, or if he did not know.....but I am pretty sure if he didnt he will not address it with SD. So again, she is doing whatever she wants, and I am feeling disrespected and left out of what is going on in my home. Add all this to the conversation last week when SD brought up that DH told her we were giving her a few thousand dollars for a car next year, makes me feel like things are being hidden. Someone commented on another of my posts about "back door deals" with the first family, and that is totally what it feels like. But when I Express my feelings, DH either says he doesnt understand why I would feel that way, or eventually he agrees, says he is sorry and doesnt want to lose me....and then the pattern repeats. Am I off base, should i concentrate on working on myself to get past all this and let it go?