I've got a 16-year-old stepson. I've been in his life since he was 9. For a plethora of reasons, I have mixed feelings about this kid and his development. I'm really looking for others in the forum to chime in and tell me 1) his behavior is normal or 2) advice on how to better handle/manage him.

One thing I've always loved about him is how smart and sweet his true personality is. His core is loaded with values and a deep understanding of right and wrong. {A small part of me would like to think I've had a positive influence on that.} With that being said, one thing I've always hated about him his how manipulative he is because of his intelligence. Things like building a computer, doing mechanic work, or playing a board game come so easy to this kid. He often gets bored and tunes out before the rest of us catch up. Eighty percent of the time he lives with his mom, which my husband and I believe has completely impeded his potential and his development. He is so incredibly spoiled and she's always allowed him to talk back. For me, this is something I've struggled with forever. I continually find myself laying boundaries and explaining to him that he cannot speak to me with such disrespect. 

Every summer, without fail, I've gotten a call from a camp counselor or a coach telling me my stepson has been written up for disrespectful behavior. This summer, since he's 16, we forced him to get a job. I am not going to lie. I have been waiting for the call from him or his employer saying he has been disrespectful or crappy. After 2.5 months of employment, today, I got that call. Granted it was from his side explaining that a bunch of people had gotten laid off and that he was one of them. He was on the brink of tears and so the empathic part of my heart feels sympathy for him. When I spoke to my husband about it, he explained that my stepson got into an argument with the owner off-site and that the owner had been talking poorly to him and so he left. While driving back to the office, my stepson apparently got the call that he had been laid off, but the lady that told him said it wasn't anything he had done and she was unaware of the confrontation he had had with the owner. My husband continually says, "well it's his age." While most 16-year-olds are primarily selfish humans, I feel like his spoiled behavior and continually letting him get away with bloody murder has something to do with it. I think he's lazy, selfish, and disrespectful. I do think his age has something to do with that, but I also think that his damn parents need to be more engaged in the work. My husband doesn't like to have him do chores because he says his son does it half ass and has to be reminded 50,000. I find it annoying as I'm the one that continually has to clean and pick up after him. I've tried continually for the past 7 years to get him more involved in "how we function as a family" and I always get stepped on or the rug pulled out from underneath me. 

So, how do you all suggest I manage the situation and keep my sanity? I do believe age has something to do with it. However, I also think structure and environment lend more to a young man's development. He leaves back to his mom's in two weeks and I feel guilty for knowing he's going back to an environment that doesn't foster a positive role model.