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A little more venting

stepper47's picture

Time to release the pressure valve, I am so thankful to have a place I can do that.  SD16 did not buy us a dog bed after DH told her we did not want one.  Instead she came over Christmas morning with thoughtful gifts for each of us. I got some little candles and a travel mug with hot cocoa.  It was really nice. She then stayed a couple hours and we had a great morning, I made breakfast and she and our boys ate and hung out.  I took over cleaning up the kitchen so DH could have the opportunity to spend some time with her one on one, and they sat in the living room and talked and laughed, all seemed to be good.  She even said she would come back later with her boyfriend bc we had a gift for him and said we would like to see him

DH had told me he wrote her a letter, and I guess he gave it to her in a card.  From what he said, it was just saying that he missed her, he is sorry things have been hard between them, and that a relationship with her is important to him.  He wants to work on getting things back to where they should be. After she left, he said she gave him a hug after she opened it and said she loved him, so it seemed like it was well received and he felt good.  However, a couple hours later, she texted him and said she was upset by the letter.  He didn't give me details, other than she is wanting him to admit he has been an awful person, that the way things are and the reason she moved out is his fault.  I am not sure what all was said but he was upset.  I swear it's like an roller coaster. 

Anyway, we went to my family's Christmas, and he texted her about 5:45, because she had said they would be coming over 6-7 and he wanted to find out when so we could be home.  I wasn't super excited to cut my family time short, especially after her texting him like that, but I knew it was important to him so I didnt say anything.   He still hadn't heard from her at 7:30 when we were wrapping up, so he decided to stop by a friend's house.  My son and I had driven separate, so we went on home about a half hour later.  I had a headache all day and was ready to be home and relaxing, and my son and I decided to watch a movie.  At 8:40, DH calls to tell me he was coming home bc they were on their way over.  I was ticked for a few reasons - it was sudden and later than time they had talked about, she didn't bother to respond when he texted her earlier to find out what was going on, my SS had gone to bed because he works early in the morning and our dog would go crazy when they arrived and wake him up, and I was done with company and entertaining by that point.  Somehow, DH ended up meeting them in the driveway to give her bf his gift, so that the dog would not wake up my SS.  Which made me wonder what the point of all that was.  She was great this morning, evidently she was not nice this afternoon, then ignored him, only to show up after 9 pm just to pull in the driveway to get her boyfriend's gift - which wasn't much, but I tried to get something thoughtful.  Not enough to go see a terrible person for, as she seems to think her dad is.  I am just so tired of the games, and honestly I am annoyed at my DH for dropping what he was doing to come running when she snaps her fingers, without regard for anyone else.  And then he got annoyed at me for being annoyed, so that is how we ended Christmas.  Ugh.  I have decided I need to just back slowly away from that situation, stop getting my hopes up that things are going to be normal, and let him deal with things like he thinks he needs to. I don't even want to talk about her anymore, he is going to have to find someone else to talk to bc I am too close to see all the highs and lows and not be affected.  I have a feeling he won't hear from her much though now that the holidays are done and her braces are taken care of. 

RisingtheWave80's picture

Sorry for the roller coaster. I get it. Right now we are in a good place with SD but I know that can change at any point and her mother tends to have a lot to do with some of the negative feelings when they do arise. 

Your husband like mine needs therapy, needs to figure out how to navigate all of this.