LAZINESS

vanessa's picture

I am at wits end my SD is 16 only has her license by force, no cell phone, no job, and is overweight. She is responsible for folding laundry and putting away dishes; which means we would be naked if I waited for her. Her room looks like a hurricane. She is grounded however, when she visits BM she lets her run the town all wknd. She doesn't want a job b/c she doesn't need any cash???? I need help. My Husband is working out of state and asks like I am whining and her BM is NO help AT all. Should I tell her whatever! Do what she wants and she can reap the consequences. She was arrested for shoplifting in Decemember based on her own decisions... HELP...

Allmyfaultapparently's picture

Do your own washing - not hers. Had same prob with SS. Left him to it, she will do her washing when she runs out of clothes, she won't do any if you keep doing it for her. I know you will feel guilty and mean, but parenting isn't about always being nice! I know if my SS was my Birth son, I would be even tougher on him.

Accept you can't change anything the BM does - her home, her rules. All you can do is set standards for your own home. Explain nicely that it's up to the homeowner to set the standards, say that you and BM have different views on how to do stuff, 'different' does not mean 'wrong'. Say to SD that she doesn't have to like you, but while she's under your roof she must stick to the rules like the rest of you. Explain that the rules are for ALL of you, not aimed just at her. Don't give her any cash, then she'll have to earn some.

Tell husband you have to go away for a week (or so), book yourself a Health farm week or something and let HIM deal with HIS daughter so he stops taking you for granted.

Alysia's picture

I had the same problems with my SD. She was extremely lazy. The only time she would ever do anything around the house, is if she wanted to do something. She did her own laundry, because I got upset one day. I had done all the laundry on the weekend. By Wednesday I had not one by FIVE loads of laundry to do just from the kid's bathroom. 3 of which were her's. I let the laundry sit. When she got home from school and wanted to go hang out with her friends, I said NO. Felt good too. She of course is no longer living with us and moved back in with the BM. That's fine it's the BM headache now. You can only set the rules for your house. All of my kids know that if I want to do something then I better make sure my room is clean, or my grades are passing. Otherwise they know I'll say no. My dh for the longest time did not back me up with her. It was HARD so I completely understand what you are going through. (((HUG)))

wicked step monster's picture

This is something I read a very long time ago and have forgotten quiet a lot of it, but its meant for kids that whinge at you. Mainly teenagers.
The law says;
I have to provide food for you, NOT COOK IT
I have to provide clothes for you, NOT WASH THEM OR HAVE BRAND NAMES
I have to provide a roof over your head, NOT A BEDROOM OR COMFY BED
I have to send you to school, NOT DRIVE YOU

I would love it if someone knows the rest of it I thought it was very clever and quiet often use the little phrases hear at home.

Cruella's picture

I told my own children when they were growing up that Oatmeal is cheap and good for them. They can eat it for all 3 meals and clothes can be bought at Salvation Army. Anything more I do because I want to not because I have to.