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Just ranting but had to get it off of my chest....

Babycarrots's picture

I’ve been counting down for the last several years and though the time has flown by, I still have 1 more year of having to deal with the BM. I just cannot stand her. I have seen her twice in my life; that is all. My husband speaks to her when she needs something but that’s it. Several years ago, I think before we got married. He told me that he told her about his pay raise. WHAT?? Are you crazy? I said she only calls you to tell you what’s going on with your son so that she can find out about any money that you may have.

When it comes to his ex, my husband is a BIG DUMMY! I don’t understand why these men cannot see that their ex is manipulating them in to doing things. I wish, oh how I wish they would have gotten some type of child support order put in place when they split up. It would have made things so much easier. He was more concerned with the court taking most of his money (information he got from some other guy who probably had a different situation) instead of just doing it. When we got together, I told him, just file so that she can stop holding on to your b*lls and controlling you and your money. He said no he didn’t want to do that because he didn’t want her to have any of his money. Surprise, surprise, surprise, she still gets your money, NUT, but instead she just milks you for everything you get and says it is for your son.

Later after we got married (our accounts are not joined), I noticed that he could hardly keep up with paying the bills. All he had was the groceries and the utilities at the time and I was responsible for everything else. This was based solely on our income. What I found out was that whatever she needed money for with regards to the boy (my SS), she would ask him and he would come up with it no matter what. So when I found this out, needless to say I was hot!! I told him that she was not going to be running this household. Granted he did not understand what I was saying. So I had to break it down. He never saw that all of his income was going to her for whatever she said she need for the boy.

I later learned that he was taking out small loans in order to pay household bill and pay money to her. He once asked me to put up my house for collateral for a loan….nope! This B**ch ain’t crazy. This had to stop. So I held a long and thorough conversation with him about this money issue and got a few things straight. Honestly, I had no idea that he could be so dumb when it came to her and the fact that she knew which buttons she could push because she WAS married to him. Why could he not see that she knew just how to manipulate him….because she was once married to him. BIG DUMMY! The last time she called about wanting him to pay for something for the boy( which was a few years ago), I told him to tell her that she had to pay half and she had to take him to lessons (can’t remember what type of lessons-sport related) every other time he had to go.

She said okay let me get back with you. She called back a day or so later and said, no, he won’t be taking those lessons. BOOM!! Now keep in mind that we live an hour from her so if my husband was going to take him, it would have been an hour there and an hour home….plus this was around the summer so SHE would have had to come to our house….an hour there and an hour back. She never wants to lend one finger to do anything. Every time my husband gets his son, during the every holiday, every other weekend and the entire summer, he drives an hour there and an hour back. He has NEVER asked me to pick him up or drop him off because he knows that I will not put a finger to help, even if he is dog tired because his ex will not put a finger to help. Serves him right for kissing her a** all these years.

I’m glad to see that there are people on here that get along with the skids but I just never liked him and even though he has matured a little, I still don’t like him. I just want him to move on with his life and get out of my house. Every chance the BM gets she tries to dump him with us and go on a vacation, so there are a number of double weekends and wrap around holidays. I just want it all to end. 2017 cannot get her fast enough for me.

When SS turns 18 in 4-5 months, I will then have 2 holidays and 1 spring break and I’m done. There will be no reason for him to come to my house for the summer for any reason and especially not to stay. At that point, we have no legal obligation to pick him up or pay for anything regarding him, school or other. If we choose to do so, then that’s different. I really hope (finger and toes crossed) that he goes into the military so that he can be stationed overseas. I think I may pray on that…..

This is why I can only hope and pray that my SS finds a job this year (within the next few weeks on his mom’s side of town) so that he can stay over there for the summer. Oh what joy! Then he can keep it throughout the entire school year until he goes into the military. Then maybe just maybe my holidays can be joyous again. I don’t think I would have a he problem with the boy if his dad was not so up his butt. I can’t wait. I will for sure have a party of some sort to celebrate being rid of the ex and the SS…at least for the most part.

Disneyfan's picture

If he goes to college and has a good relationship with dad, he will visit during school breaks. Turning 18 doesn't mean he no longer need/want his dad in his life.

Babycarrots's picture


this is the main reason why he should have a job now so that he can save his money. When my generation was growing up, we wanted jobs and wanted to be independent. While in high school I had a job, right before college I had a job and right after college I had two jobs. And let's not forget that I also had a job while in college. So he should be doing the same. While in the military he does not have to pay for ANYTHING so why does he need a ton of money?

Also, not really worried (right now) about the co-sign car situation because if my husband thinks that it will at all limit his ability to get the cars that he wants, then he won't do it. My husband is a car hog. Also, SS worked on a farm for a few summers (not the entire summer)and the BM SAYS she is saving his money for a car. So I assume the plan is to purchase the care out right. Which is fine by me. I have no issue with contributing money toward the purchase of a car AS LONG AS the BM does the same. The SS's money will not be considered her part of her contribution.

Babycarrots's picture


I get where you are going but for me 18 years old is my husband actually holding his own b*lls instead of his ex and he will finally be out of his son's butt. Based on one of the last conversations that my husband and I had regarding his ex and the driving back and forth to pick up and deliver his son, he said he is tired and rightfully so he should be. I told him at the rate he is going, he will be driving his son and his date to and from the prom and whatever else they have planned for that night. Better yet, he will be driving them everywhere they go on dates.

Think about it, the last 10 years or so every other weekend, every single holiday, and every summer break, he has had to pick him up and drop him off....he's tired. He was really angry when his son failed the driving permit test twice. He just got it at the age of 17. I know times have changed but I had mine at 15. Many kids these days just don't want to take any initiative. I'm almost sure once he gets his license, he won't put his foot in a car and drive from his mom's house to his dad's house. It's an hour drive each way and this kid is lazy. Now people do change....but I won't hold my breath.

TASHA1983's picture

I feel your pain DH used to pay an obsene amount of CS for the pos. BM tried pulling the "He wants to play hockey will you help pay" bs, DH stuck to his guns and said NO, I pay you CS, use that, period. Of course just as expected pos didnt whind up playing hockey (funny how that works out). When they first split DH told me he was essentially duped by BM into helping pay for daycare, but when they went to court after that and filled out their fin-stmts and he listed daycare his lawyer asked him why he was paying for that...she told him that the CS covers EVERYTHING! There is NO need for him to be giving her money for daycare, sports etc UNLESS HE CHOSE TO! All he was responsible for was the CS, carry his medical/dental ins and paying for half of uninsured med/dental costs. PERIOD.

I am with you on that big time...I am hoping and praying that pos will get a life, a job, SOMETHING and gtfo of our lives like he was for almost 3 blissful years!!!

I sincerely hope everything works out for you, these skids suck ASS!!! We need to be rid of them...once and for all!!!

TASHA1983's picture


Babycarrots's picture

Tasha1983, I feel for you because I have been there. Wish I had discovered this site several years ago. At least you have somewhere you can vent and people here who truly understand what you are going through.

TASHA1983's picture

Yes, indeed! I am very thankful for sites like this and for the wonderful SM that I can relate to and share step-bullshit with... Smile

Thank you Babycarrots <3

Babycarrots's picture

I know Sally it's like you have to trick them into seeing that what you say doesn't benefit you but only benefit them. Unfortunately, most of them never realize that it will ALWAYS benefit you/us.

Rags's picture

When my SS-23 (now adopted) enlisted at18 instead of going to college we gave him a new car as our final launch gift and to put him in safe reliable transportation with no financial burden. We told him then that the car was it and that he was on his own financially since he chose to decline our offer to cover his college education.

5 years later the kid has more money in the bank at 23 than I did at 33 and is kicking butt and taking names. He recently pinned on his SSgt stripes. He has completed year 5 of his initial 6 year enlistment in the USAF and the indications are that he intends to re-enlist and push for 20 so he can retire then move on to a private sector career. He will finish his AS degree in a few months and is pushing to complete his BS within 3 more years. Not as quickly as his mom and I had hopped but it is his life, his decisions, and he is the one doing the work to support himself and pay for his enducation.

The lynchpin of our efforts to get SS to launch was accountability. When he graduated from HS at 17 we gave him that summer until his 18th bday on our dime to celebrate and sow his wild oats. The morning after his bday we welcomed him to the adult world and stopped giving him money, etc.... We did not kick him out but since he had declined to go to college and did not want a job we made him our scullery wench, beck and call boy, chore bitch. We worked that kids ass off. It took a few months for him to gain clarity and 4months after his 18th bday he enlisted in the USAF delayed entry program. We gave him the car as a combo ut graduation, birthday, Christmas, enlistment gift. We still worked his tail bone off for 4 more months until he reported for Basic. The only money we gave him was to fill up his gas tank twice a month so he could go to his USAF DEP meetings, PT, and run errands for us as our beck and call boy. He lived with us and we fed him but that was about it.