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just cannot blend

stepmom123456's picture

each time my sk's f##k up i get in shit!!!! both are 17 years old.... found drugs in their room few times now, the boy got so drunk at school that ambulance had to be called in. no respect, suspended from school etc

the girl now has a boyfriend ( who my fiance things is such a nice boy) fact: she just got caught in the shower with her boyfriend at her mother's house by her step dad......they won't tell my fiance cause they don't want daddy to know..... and from what i heard they all have an inside joke about it ( step dad, bio mom and the brother) 

she has skipped school and was also caught by her boyfriends dad naked in his house/ drinking, lying to daddy where she goes etc ( he never checks up on her and beleives everything they say)

just last weekend they boy had his first sleep over (friends came to our house). in the morning he went to drop off his friends i found a big bottle of beer and small bottles of alcohol ( i collect little bottles from trips i go on) i tell my fiance and he does nothing!

kids call the dad by his first name not dad!!! so i told fiance...... stop acting like ( his name) and start acting like a father! offcourse.....once again full anger is on me not the person who just did something wrong!

i had my iud taken out yesterday, he knew i was so stressed about the appointment and after that fight he picks another fight with me over left over food in a pot that was left by him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right when i am leaving! so i quickly took the pot and dumped out the food and left the pot in the sink., i reminded him to take out all garbages as he once again forgot, to clean the piss that was left all over the toilet seat by his son and to clear out the fridge..... all day he didn't even check up on me to see how my appt went! when i got home the f##king pot is still in the sink! and still did not ask how my appt went . his kids came home and brough him dinner from grandma, he washed the dish the food came in but still left the pot in the sink!  he works from home..... can't f##king wash a pot?  i have been super stressed about my iud being taken out as there is such a thing as mirena crash( i've had it for 5 years) and for someone to act like a child!!! i don't think i can do this much longer. i am always the bitch and everyone around is just an angel who does no wrong! at this point i just don't think he will ever change and actually start acting like a father! every other weekend has to be a fun out at daddy's!

Siemprematahari's picture

You say he's your fiance....meaning you have future plans on marrying him??? Why?

Why would you even entertain this after the f@ckery that you are going through???

tallmom67's picture

Get out now before you say I do! Not worth it, married 3 years and I had reservations that I did not listen to, now I may have to have a 2nd divorce and go back to being a single mom.  20 yr veteran of that, but it is better than no peace of mind.

Major Blunder's picture

Leave now, why even think about marrying this idiot and joining this circus ? Go find a nice single guy with no kids !

stepmom123456's picture

yes,,,, you all are right

forgot to mention that not only do they get away doing shit.... they also get rewarded! daddy just bought them a car and each week i hear the ......(fiances name) since they won't call him dad..... i need gas money!!!!! FUCKING GET A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess i jsust have to plan things out.... we both own the house. i'm sure it will get messy but a nice clean place of my own ( and my daughter) sounds amazing! no piss on toilet seat, no dirt everywhere, no alcohol missing etc

What_did_i_just_sign_for's picture

It's one thing to have SKIDS that are unruly and problematic... but I would leave if he was also mistreating me.

If you walked into the relationship TODAY for the first time in it's current state, would you stay? 

 

Rags's picture

Why the hell did  you take out your IUD?  Why risk even the remotest possibility of polluting your own gene pool with this POS waste of skin parent/abusive moron  who is a proven breeder of toxic characterless crotch nuggets?

smh

Please re-read your original post from the perspective of an outsider and ask yourself what your advice to that person would be.

Run, save  yourself.

Take care of you.

Please.

Good luck.

tallmom67's picture

Easy there rags that’s quite harsh the people in this forum need support not judgement.  You can give your wisdom without the tone of judging.  She’s dealing with enough already.  You basically used the same response to my blog.  Your personal blog shows no issues with SC so why are you apart of this website to push your dirogatory thoughts on these people with real issues.  Step off !

Rags's picture

Yes, I can be harshly direct.  Sometimes I even regret it.  However, upon occasion a proverbial swift kick in the butt is what is needed to disconnect emotion and  engage gray matter to resolve issues.

Sure, my SKid and blended family situation is reasonably successful..... 24+ years after it started.  It has not been without challenges.  The foundation of that success is that my DW and I are absolutely committed to keeping our marriage and each other the unequivocal priority.  Above all else including children.  Of which we had only one.  He was always our top marital responsibility but never took priority over our marriage.   My former SS, now adopted, has always been my son and I have always been his dad, at least since he was 15mos old.  Yes, he has a BioDad and a SpermClan.  I committed to he and his mom when he was a toddler that I would never stand in the way of his relationship with them. And I never have. In fact on many occasions over the years we paid, at my insistence, their share of visitation travel to ensure that he maintained that connection.  Now that he is an adult it is up to him to do that. But even now (he is 26) I encourage him to maintain contact with  them though in a way that maintains his personal boundaries and protects him emotionally from their historically incessant manipulation.

I am a part of this community for two reasons.  First, because I care about the challenges that SParents, and by extension blended families, have to navigate in their journey.  Supporting that journey in a way that is healthy for the SParent is important to me.  No SParent should sacrifice themselves on the alter of SParental martyrdom. The SParent journey can be one that builds strong marriages and raises viable adults rather than a life of sacrificial torment.  Second, because I get a lot of solace out of belonging and participating.

So, I don't plan on going anywhere.   Unless I get booted, which may happen.  But 10.5 years after joining STalk and participating regularly ... that doesn't look likely.

Thank you very much.

I do not consider my comments judgemental. Mostly they are in the form of questions with supporting experience based opinion.  I asked a question.  The OP has a difficult life with a tragically flawed man and for some reason she is exposing  herself to increased risk of having his child.  Hopefully she does not have a medical condition that she is dealing with. Regardless, why risk having a child and bonding eternally with someone who does not treat you as their priority and equity life partner?

Does that answer your question?\

You profile is rife with heartbreak and drama.  I hope that you are finding a way to navigate that journey that is effective for you and that delivers to you a strong marriage and a happy life.

Good luck.

 

Iamwoman's picture

It takes courage to be direct. “Harsh” is a strong word to use here as it indicates a dash of sadism thrown into the advice, which isn’t the case.

Some people, such as myself, appreciate direct, candid advice as long as it doesn’t stem from a seed of projection or personal bias (which would render any advice useless). Rags, as far as I’ve seen has never given poor advice. He has often given unwanted advice, because his advice requires action and sometimes consistent or difficult action, which is a turn off to anyone looking for easy solutions,, but never poor advice.

I am seeing a sudden increase this month of some commenters lashing out at others for having different opinions. 

Everyone just needs to keep in mind that what seems like good advice to you, may seem like poor advice to another, and vice versa. I, for instance, don’t care for “kumbaya” advice because it’s unrealistic. Others may enjoy such advice because they just want to feel heard or validated. 

To try to censor another STalker simply for having an opinion you don’t agree with is wrong. You never know what will help another person, and it could be completely different than what might help you.

oatsnhoney's picture

Mostly, people don’t change. What you see, is what your marriage will mostky be like. If you add a kid, you will experience even stronger emotions because now you are raising, loving and protecting a vulnerable little person who needs you. 

If the IUD removal was to try have a child.. answer me this, what type of home do you need for your child? What type of father? What do you NOT want your child to experience? 

I love my 5yo so much. And I love my DH. Although I wish he was a better husband and father. I don’t think he does the loving TLC things a partner is supposed to do. He shy’s away from hard parenting with the skids and now the oldest one is a mess. I’m stuck in a position of trying to keep a healthy safe environment for my child, and DH pressuring me to allow his messed up scary kid near us. I hate it. I wish for a better husband but am stuck with this one. That’s awful to say but I was blinded by love and he was very loving and protective during his courtship stage. I didn’t get to see who he really was until I had my child. I work hard to make the best of things. Don’t hold grudges or anger, always work to keep the House positive and teach 5yo all the good stuff. But you have something many of us don’t. A look at what it will be like before you are married, before you have a child. Choose wisely. Think about what you are signing yourself, and your future child, up for. People don’t change.

stepmom123456's picture

i did not remove the iud to have another child..... my 5 years was up and had to.... do to the effects i had while on it, i will never get another one. 

Rags's picture

My bride went to a copper (non hormonal) IUD and it works well for her. She cannot do hormonal birth control for a variety of health reasons.

I am not sure which one you had. But it may be worth discussing with your OBGYN.

I have offered repeatedly to get snipped to remove any need for BC ... but... she isn't supportive of me doing a non-required surgery due to my T-1 diabetes. 

Anyway, good luck on your relationship and your BC journey.