It's been a week!
Since SD has been at our house, after we had to call the cops of her. The issue (or blessing how ever you want to view it) is that DH got screwed when it came to the parenting plan, they utilized her friend who was a family law attorney for their mediation and DH didn't hire his own attorney. So needless to say he has NO RIGHTS and NO RESPONABILITIES for SD but continues to parent 50/50. Medical Appointments, all the therapy and pysch appointments, down payment on braces, 50% of the time she has been in our home etc...
With that being said she refused to come over yesterday and is refusing today. Originally the parenting plan was decided between BM and DH without any formal agreement, it really was that BM just wanted to ensure she had a babysitter when she travels for work (2-3 days per week she is out of state) The lawyer we spoke with a couple months back stated that he really doesn't have to do anymore then what the agreemnt states- 50% of Medical Cost, 50% of agreeed upon clothing and supply purchases and carry life insurance. But that BM could easily state he can never see his daughter again and there isn't much he could do except bring this back to court to get a formal parenting plan in place.
I feel bad for DH, he is a good man and a good father but we cannot afford a lengthy legal battle, for what to have an angry teenager in our home who would constantly threaten her own life or run away. He speaks how sad this all makes him but he no longer carries guilt, he has done everything he can and his kid is still an asshole with a mother who is an asshole.
Am I a bad person if I hope she never comes back into our home, I hate feeling this way towards a kid but FUCK. BM sent DH text all week saying he needs to call his daughter and make her feel comfortable in our home, she was the one who lost her shit and we had to call the cops because WHAT else can we do with an out of control teenager? We have both apologized for our anger or how we reacted to her behavior yet in her mothers house all they do is fight and SD gets away with throwing objects at her mom or trying to hurt her. I don't feel like we can win.
If this kid is threatening
If this kid is threatening suicide then get the authorities and Psych care professionals involved. Have her institutionalized and put under observation each and every time she threatens her own life.
As for shutting down BM interfering in DH's time with hsi daughter, that will take a CO to make happen. It will not necessarily require expensive legal representation. Look into your alternatives for initiating a visitation update without legal counsel.
She has already went for 4 SI
She has already went for 4 SI Assessments in the last year and each time they come back with "She is not at risk of SI and that they dont see a reason to hospitlize her" she is 100% using as a manipulation tactic. But you can never just think they won't follow through.
She has just been transferred to a Theraputic School which will deal with daily counseling and a kid who has significant behavioiral issues- School Jail as we have coined it.
Ignore BM. DH can keep
Ignore BM. DH can keep reaching out to his daughter and let her know he loves her and the door is open when she's ready to return. No groveling, no more apologies, nothing else.
Don't bother with court, they won't order a teen to visit and even if they do, they can't/won't enforce it.
You aren't a bad person to want peace and calm in your home. I felt the same way SS was escalating up to his final complete alienation.
Thanks for this. I think this
Thanks for this. I think this is the best advice I have gotten thus far