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"Im working on it"

Calypso1977's picture

omg, if i hear those words out of my fiance's mouth one more time im gonna scream!

this is his blanket answer for all things wrong with SD13. she's rude: "im working on it". she eats with her hands: "im working on it". she is failing in school: "im working on it". counseling is doing nothing for her attitude (he agrees): "im working on it".

i have no idea what the hell he is "working on" because she is not getting any better and in some ways she is getting WORSE.

we had a big fight last night because he is really offended that i have been disengaged (or attempted to be, i cant seem to fully disengage other than to avoid her visits as much as possible). Ive asked him to meet me halfway, and one day per week take her to his parents or out of the house somewhere, anywhere (we have her every tuesday and thursday for 3 hours at a time). he said its his house too (i agree) and that he should be able to bring her here. i said im not looking for a full on ban of her in our house (wishful thinking!) but that i have a right to be able to come home and not be disrespected by her, have to hide out in my room to avoid her, and have her laze all over my furniture like she owns the place. one day. that's all i asked for.

wth was I thinking's picture

Ugh, what is with the eating with their hands thing? Both my skids (9 and 10) still do that. I've never seen someone eat pancakes with their hands before. :? Give them a knife? They just stab at their food with it, it's bizarre, I was cutting my own steak by the time I was in kindergarten.

ETA, a quick google search suggests that most kids are cutting up their own food/meat/etc... by ages 4-6. Pitiful.

Calypso1977's picture

yes, SD13 likes chocolate chip pancakes. she picks out with her fingers every chocolate chip, then picks up the pancake with her hands to eat it.

ive seen her eat chicken parm with her hands, veggies (cooked, not raw from a crudite) with her hands, and ive seen her wipe her hand across her plate to get gravy on her fingers to then lick off.

ncgal1980's picture

My husband's favorite phrase is "Yeah, I really need to talk with them about that." It drives me NUTS!

TALK to them? What the hell good does he think that's going to do when they blow off everything he asks them to do? He doesn't TELL them to do anything. It's always "SS, do this, please? Okay?" He's practically begging them! Of course they blow it off!

But yeah, I hear that a lot. "I really need to talk with them about that."

ARRGH!

unwillingparticipant's picture

holyy godddddd!
Dh's catch phrases are
"I will..."
"I plan on..."
"I'm going to..."

then NEVER DOES IT. Infuriating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hear you, I'm with you - I can't take it anymore either. You're not alone!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Gotta love these things that come out of the disney dads' mouths:

"I'm working on it."
"She doesn't know."
"I'll talk to her about it."

Really? I hear these all the time!

goincrazy.com's picture

^^^^This makes me Irate- 2 weeks shy of being 17 years old does not qualify you for "kid" excuses anymore. It's seriously ridiculous how immature she acts and she knows daddy's gonna have her back bc "she's just a kid"

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

OMG! DH tries that, too! The girl is 15! I'm pretty sure she knows how to pick up after herself by now! I'm pretty sure she is well aware that she treats people like crap...but she just doesn't care! I have read things she has put on her Facebook and Instagram...she is very narcissistic! The very fact she lies about things tells you that she knows what is really up!

Calypso1977's picture

oh i get the "you just hate kids" (in general). i do hate kids. that's why im childless by choice at 37!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I get the "she thinks you hate her" from DH all the time! Hate? I don't like the person she is...can't stand the person she is. I don't like to be around people like that! SD15 likes to use this excuse with SD15 to try to gain sympathy...oh, the mean old stepmonster hates me...I'm the victim!

Calypso1977's picture

ive let the table manners thing go. she's not my kid or problem, and she's only an embarrassment to herself and her parents. we never take her out to eat, i dont eat meals with her anymore, so i dont have to see it. i avoid public places with her at all cost because i dont want anyone to make the mistake of thinking she's my child because her antics are so embarrassing.

wth was I thinking's picture

Yep, this.
Apparently BM only makes soup for them to eat, or finger food. DH will cut up their food for them at our house, because I like to make real food, but 'they're not used to solid food'. *facepalm*

Calypso1977's picture

we have her 2 days per week and every other saturday/sunday.

in a normal household i hear you all - its a few hours. but i work 50+ hours per week on average, and i often have night meetings. so i dont typically have 5 nights per week free, and if i have free night its nice to just be able to be at home and relax and not have to be out running around town. those nights she's around that im tired, i will stay in and hide in my room. but our place is very small so even wehn im i our room i hear everything, the TV, her crappy music, and worst of all her lies/whining/backtalk.

where i struggle is his refusal to make a plan or tell me what he's doing. often he wont decide until pick up time where he's going (home or out) so it makes it hard for me to make a plan.

Jsmom's picture

DH is not allowed to see SD18 here and this mess started when she was 13. Sorry, my house and I will not be around that child.

You have every right to do this. If she acts terrible in the house, why should you put up with it. I won't. I have tried to many times and been burned.

Rags's picture

Awesome advice FoxiePants!!! Action after my own heart. The eating with hands thing could also be dealt with by dumping the plate on the kids lap, or better yet, on tip of her head.

Woo Hoo!!!

Calypso1977's picture

i am laughing at the vision of me squirting SD with a waterbottle....

mostly i just want to slap her across the face when she mouths off.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Same her! I'm just playing in my mind what it would be like if I did that to SD15! It would by hysterical! Wrong...but hysterical!

Drac0's picture

"I can't tell him that! You are being way too harsh! Why do you want to punish him all the time?"
Gee, I can't think of a nicer way to say "No desert unless you finish what's on your plate", can you?

Rags's picture

Time to give your fiancé some clarity. Either he steps up and deals with her behavior effectively or you will and if you have to deal with it he has a choice, STFU, have your back. or ... GTFO with his spawn.

Next time SD-13 eats with her hands (if it is not appropriate) then take her plate, dump it in a big plastic bowl, set it on the floor in a corner and tell her if she is going to act like a dog then she can commit to the behavior and have her meals like a dog but that any time she does not eat with proper manners and etiquette she will leave the table either to eat in a corner from a bowl like a dog or to her room. Better yet, dump her plate in her lap or on her head and tell her if she wants to eat like an animal she can roll in her food like an animal.

Next time she disrespects you let her know that zero tolerance has begun and if she ever does it again she will get swats and if she does it again then take a belt or paddle to her. If DH does not like you doing that then he can do it but either way it will happen. Because his spawn is the result of his ineffective parenting he can either step up to discipline or parent before you have to or he can bite his lip. If corporal punishment is not tolerable for you then MissFoxies' squirt bottle idea is great. It shocks them hell spawn in to shutting up and delivers a non painful physical consequence.

If there is nothing wrong with this girl medically or psychologically then any tolerance of her crap is purely abdication of parental responsibility by her father. If he will not man up and deal with it, then you do it.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Another post I made this morning got me thinking about the way SD15 eats. She eats with utensils most of the time, but some how still manages to make the mess of a 5-year-old, which naturally she never cleans up. When her plate comes off the table, there are crumbs, sauce, ketchup, dressing... remnants of whatever was on her plate all around! If she eats in the car, crumbs, french fries in strange places, etc. If she were 10 years younger, I could understand it. There are times she has to be told to use a fork, or cut her food, because she will either pick up the whole piece of something with the fork and take bites off of it, or pick it up and pull off bites.

I try not to watch her eat...it is the most annoying thing in the world! If it isn't junk food, she takes bird bites, pushes the food all around the plate, etc. If it is junk food, she stuffs her mouth and chews like a cow!