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I'm step free

Reluctant_Stepmother's picture

I've been meaning to post on here for a while but with so many step parents suffering it does not seem fair to advertise the fact that I'm a lot happier than I have been in years after breaking up with my ex earlier this year. I don't have to see the step kids (his kids) again and I'm just relieved. It's odd because when I first met my now ex I had high hopes and thought that I would like his kids as much as I liked him but I didn't like his daughter and she was very jealous of us. Of course, he was always on her side and couldn't see that he was being manipulated so I don't know what the answer is. I guess I was fighting on all fronts in the end. Her February visit almost killed me! I felt a sense of impending doom the minute she arrived and I think it was the beginning of the end of my relationship with DH (now ex). Even though I'm a single parent now and life is hard, especially finances I feel lighter than I did. I dreaded the visits from SD and I felt moody in the lead up to them, during and afterwards. She visited so often that I realised how much emotional energy this was taking up and also time (most of the year). I was always escaping to my parent's house which wasn't good. Don't get me wrong, my parents love seeing their little grandson, but sometimes I would stay for weeks on end and they were concerned that I didn't seem to want to go home. Now I have my own apartment with the little one and it's really nice having my own space. I've been reflecting a lot this week about what I would have done differently but I just don't know. When you don't hit it off with someone there's very little you can do. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion too. It eats away at you, consuming energy. I'm not one to give out advice or any pearls of wisdom as I'm still trying to figure stuff out in my head. I know that I'm happier and I'm doing stuff I haven't done in years. Some of the posts on here make me feel like I want to reach out and give everyone a hug. I hope everyone finds a way forward without having to take the drastic action (of ending my relationship) I took this year.

SteppedOut's picture

Seriously, it takes courage to leave and you did it! 

When I left step life things were IMMEDIATELY better for me. ExSO had full custody of his feral monster, so I had to deal with that crap 24/7 as he rarely visited him bm. Kid was out of school for exactly one week and I packed my stuff and left with my son.

Best decision ever. 

JRI's picture

Going into it, we all had hopes and good intentions.  Sometimes, it just isn't enough to overcome strong primal emotions.  Peace to all of us.


reedle2021's picture

What a fantastic post - thank you for this!  Smile

I too left my ex husband and his 21 year old manchild 3 months ago.  It was hands down the best decision I have ever made.  I have felt so free and happy ever since.  I mean, I felt somewhat sad right after I left because I had wasted my time on some guy and his worthless son who I thought cared about me, but that feeling was overriden by the joy I felt at having my freedom, my time, and no one being mean to me (see my posts).  His son was also resentful of any small amount of time my ex and I spent together.  He was a failure to launch, courtesy of his daddy - neither worked.  I came to realize the only reason I was kept in the picture was for my paychecks, which they thoroughly enjoyed.  But, I finally got smart and left - for all I know, they are living under a bridge somewhere right now - and I don't feel an ounce of guilt about it.

I also went into the marriage/stepkid situation with the best of intentions - I gleefully thought about how I would try to be a good stepmom and how we would work together as a family, etc.etc.  I won't make that mistake again.  I'm not dating and won't for at least a year, but I will NOT date anyone who has kids, don't care what age they are. 

Congrats on finding your happiness and keeping us posted!  Very inspiring to all!  Smile

Exjuliemccoy's picture

we would all love to see a blog update on how you're doing. Have you heard from your ex?

reedle2021's picture

I'll have to post an update.  Yes, he emailed me so I blocked his email and forwarded it (with him copied in on the forward) to my attorney.  LOL!  :)  Is it bad that I was gleeful in doing that??  

Harry's picture

We wonder who support them now ? 

reedle2021's picture

LOL, my thoughts exactly.  I'm sure they can find a bridge to camp out under... I'll make sure I wave as I drive by... just kidding, I don't live close to them anyway.  But it's a funny thought!  Smile