I want to kick out my step son
Sorry this is long, but I have to explain how I got here. My longtime boyfriend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer a year after the doctor said his colonoscopy was fine. I had to rush him to the emergency room for intense pain and that is when they discovered the cancer. And, yes, I'm suing the doctor that missed the cancer.
BF and I maintained separate homes for 10+ years and lived about 15 minutes apart. He had sole/primary custody of his 3 kids and the kids rarely saw their mother even though she lived in the same school district and lived less than a mile away. BF and I dated for a few years before the kids even knew I existed. There were several reasons for this, but part of the reason was because the kid's BM was/is worthless and had remarried the first loser she latched onto and the kids hated step-dad. Basically, she moved a total stranger into their home and expected the kids to pretend he was their new "daddy." We wanted the kids to have at least one "normal" home where a total stranger wasn't forced into their lives. Fast forward a few years and the cancer diagnosis....I moved in with him and his 3 kids in 2015 to take care of him and the younger kids. At the time, they were SS15, SS10, and SD 18.
After several medical mistakes, i.e. botched surgery, missed diagnosis of sepsis, etc., it was evident that my BF would not live a year after the cancer diagnosis. He started chemo, but because of the botched surgery, he had to wait several months to start. BF was in and out of the hospital for the next several months. Because BM was so worthless, she never stepped in to help. In fact, BM started spending even less time with the kids. BM was spending 1-3 nights per month with the kids, but that dropped to less than 5-8 HOURS per month....never any overnights. Because my BF was in the hospital so often and BM was out of the picture, I had to get my mom and sister from FL, my sister from KY, and my sister from MO to come at various times to help out with the kids. Now mind you, no one in my family had ever met these kids. I was really never a part of their lives. I was just dating their dad. My relationship with my BF was strictly between the two of us and only a few times per month would spend time with him and his kids...and never any overnights when the kids were around. But my family and my BF's neighbors stepped in for the next year to help take care of the kids by buying groceries, cooking meals, transportation to doctor/dental visits, etc. Because my family had to come from out of state to help and couldn't stay full time, my skids went days and sometimes weeks without anyone other than my BF's neighbors checking on them, taking them to doctor appointments, othrodontic appointments, cooking them meals, buying them food, etc. I basically checked on them daily via phone and texts.
My BF spent 4 months in the hospital and was transferred directly from the hospital to hospice where he died a month later...exactly one year to the day after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. In the year after his cancer diagnosis, I never left his side except the time it took to buy groceries and the time I returned home to tell the kids that their father had been transferred to hospice. The youngest didn't even know what hospice meant. BF and I intentionally chose in-patient hospice because my BF did not want the kids to see him when he withered away and died. BF had watched his mom die from cancer and he didn't want his kids to witness that. The kids spoke to their dad on the phone and thru texts, but didn't see their dad for the last 5 months of his life. I'm thankful they never saw him. Even today, I cannot get over how he changed. I don't ever want the skids to know what their dad went through or how his appearance changed. All I've told them was that he lost a lot of weight. They have no idea how horrendous it really was. The last few weeks of BF's life, we married and he left everything of value to me and set up a trust fund for the kids. It isn't a lot, but they can't touch that money until they are 40....yes, 40. BF knew his kids were lazy and wouldn't go to college or work if they had access to any money.
I mean, I know how I got here. But here it has been 16 months since their dad died and the skids and I are still together. Their mom sees my youngest SS about 2-4 hours per month. Yes, hours. Oldest SS may see his mom about one hour per month. I pay for the skids every need. BM buys nothing for them and does nothing for them...no doctor/dental visits, no clothes, no school supplies, no watching football games, no vacations, no Christmas or birthday gifts...she literally does nothing. I really want my old life back, but these kids literally don't have anyone. The youngest is a really good kid and I would do just about anything for him, but I don't really love any of them. I know it is bad to feel that way, but I just don't feel anything for these kids. The oldest are 2 of the most vile, disgusting kids I have ever seen. And no, that isn't the reason I don't really care for the oldest 2. There were several things that the oldest 2 kids did during the time that there dad was sick and since then that make me not like anything about them. Their attitudes and disgusting filth just makes it worse. I'm here out of the love for my husband and because he was worried about what would happen to his kids after he was gone. Everything I do is because of my love for their dad. He never asked me to take on this responsibility because he said it "wasn't fair" to me. I told him I'd take care of them... only because I knew it would bring him a little bit of comfort. Yes, I know it is not my responsibility.
Even though I don't really like the 2 oldest skids, I still help them. I bought SD now 21 a car and paid for insurance for a year. She's living with friends and working full time as a waitress. She went to college one semester and got all A's, but is lazy and decided to quit because she was doing "quite well" as a waitress. Her words. So, because she's doing "quite well", I don't really worry about her any longer. I've helped her with a few very small things here and there this past year, but she is pretty much self-sufficient. I bought SS now 18 a car for his 18th birthday and told him I'd pay for his car insurance until June 1. He graduates high school in May. He still does not have a job and has not applied to any colleges even though he gets excellent grades and could easily get a scholarship. Our state even has a grant/scholarship that pays for college if you maintain a B average. He has an A average, but he's lazy and doesn't want to go to college. The deadline to apply for fall admission is probably a week away anyway. He has no plans to apply. Yes, I'm fully aware of how stupid it is to pass on a free college education, but can't get that across to my SS18 and SD21. You know how teenagers and young adults are....they know everything. SS18 has asthma so cannot join the service. So college, trade school and the service aren't options for SD18. So, I guess now you see my dilemma. How do I get this lazy, disgustingly filthy man-child out of my house when he graduates high school? I've taken away the car from SS18 until he gets a job, but he doesn't seem to really care. He is just so incredibly lazy. Which is really sad because he is such a smart, funny kid and could easily do anything he wanted. I've thought maybe he was suffering from depression, but he doesn't seem to have any symptoms of depression. He is just lazy. I've told him that he has until the fall to move out...either with friends, go off to college, or move in with his sister or his mother. He claims he understands, but he doesn't seem to be making any real plans. I have been counting down the days until SS13 turns 18 and goes off to college, but the way it's going, it seems like my SS18 will still be here when that happens. Even SS13 jokes that he'll be out of college and on his own before his older brother and sister amount to anything. It is sad when a 13 year old has more common sense than an 18 and 21 year old. I really just want my old life back.