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I just cant stand my Stepdaughter

1stepmonster's picture

This situation is driving me crazy, i have been married for more than a year now , but we have been living together for the last 7 months.. and the only thing i feel i do is get grumpy, nasty and cry all the time, I admit that patience is not my thing but this is too much...

She is 14 and is simply a nasty, disrespectfull, untidy and always with the "whatever" "i dont care" attitude. I swear I tried to talk with her as a friend, as an adult, as a woman as everything, she seems to understand for the first HOUR, minutes later she keeps the same thing...

what she does? i spend hours cleaning the house, well she comes asn leave evrything like a mess, if i cook she picks on the food and only eat what she wants, she is nice only when she wants something other way she is nasty... tells stories about her dad, about me ... and plays the "poor kid that nobody pays attention" with strangers! so everybody lok at her like the poor girl and at us like the evil parents...

I admit that we have our good moments but lately, after she call on social services for a LIE that she made about her dad hitting on her and leaving bruices i just say here is the limit! i cant stand her i dont want to be around her ans i talk withmy husband and even when he understand he cant do anything because he has total custody of her, her mom give it to him cause I guess she cant stand her either, although she plays the role of being a nice mom, when she actually is a B**ch cause she raise her the way she is for 13 years she put ideas in her mind and all that.

So now i feel terrible because i said my husband i hate her, and i feel awfull with myself cause i keep thinking she needs patience and attention and all that but i tried she doesnt and i am not in the ood to try again and make it last only hours.. i just cant i didnt get married to deal with a stupid teenager, my husband is the best in teh world but I cant stand his daughter anymore


shelandmegsmom's picture

wow, your post is where my husband and i could be in a couple of years. I have always told him I felt like SD's mom could manipulate her into calling social services on us and making up something like that. that has always been one of my fears. i know what you mean too. I love my husband, I knew that he had this daughter, but I still didn't sign up to deal with this crap. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

manicmom's picture

I hate my SD too. I care about her welbeing and all - and that the grows up right, but honestly, she's a really crappy human. My DH does what he can, but then he feels sorry for her and it feels like I keep having to complain to spur him to action - and then he gets this hurt look on his face, but takes action with SD15...but then he feels sorry for her and the cycle just continues. She knows how to manipulate like a pro and doesn't care about anyone other than herself and anything other than being lazy. These girls are just rotten to the core, and it seems to me that "control" is at the center of it. They want to control it all and weild power so that they can do as they please in all things. We have three other kids, and none compare to SD15 in how horribly painful they are to just be around. This kid glares at me across the dinner table! I can't even eat in peace. She's got this special lazy jaw evil eye sagged face thing that she does that just says how much she "is who she is and no one had dare better try to change it". I still feel horrible that I feel this way, but she's just mean and stupid and lazy all of the freakin' time - it's so difficult to feel anything other than disdain for her when that's the way she treats me...unless she wants something from me, then she's fake nice like a snake...but I see through that. Trying to help her dad see though it too, but he's having a hard time.

Stepmonster, you can only MAKE yourself feel sorry for kids for so long. Don't be too hard on yourself for your feelings. And keep talking to your husband. That will help.

Jsmom's picture

BTDT. Thankfully ours now lives with her BM. She didn't like my rules when I moved in and as soon as she turned 14 had us served. Read my old blogs. She is now 15 and is very "social". I think she will be pregnant early...Mom has no rules and allows her to run around town with anyone. No supervision. My rules were pretty easy. Clean up after yourself. DO your chores. Make good grades. Homework as soon as you come home. Shoes off at the door. Make your bed. That is it. Oh and the one that caused all the problems. No dating until 16. Mom told her to lie to dad about the BF at 13.

So glad she is gone. I just wish they didn't live so close. She has seen her Dad twice for dinner in two years. She is a spoiled brat and they caused it. They were guilt parenting for years.

I no longer feel bad about my feeling for her. When everything came to a head with her, I was on anti depressants and my health was horrible. Since she left, I am off the pills and am finally in a good place again. My biggest fear is that mom will wise up and realize that she is screwing up this kid and send her back. Hopefully her pride will stop her since she would have to admit that DH was a better parent.

Don't feel bad about the way you feel. DH knows how I feel, I never said "Hate", but I have made it very clear. Last week I mentioned that she was never coming in our house, without some big apologies for everything she did and the lies she told her mom.

1stepmonster's picture

:s why things have to be like this....

JSmom yesterday I said the word "hate" like a million time to make sure that my husband understand that i really cant stand her dsaughter of course the kid was in her bedroom hearing everything and probably wrinting in her log every single word i said.... in some moments i said I dont care , in other i get worried for how she is growing up.. nobody can grown up normally in all this environment! and nbody can stay mentally "normally" either and i am talking about me here..

Yesterday i told my husband "we have problems here" and you could say how sad he was... nad ours problems are only related to her!!!! not even about us....
I said i didnt married with you deal all this crap...ofcourse after i say the most awful things i regreat!

i only ask why!! and how much this will last!!!

Jsmom's picture

I agree with the inside voice. I know my DH caused all of this with guilt parenting of her, but I don't say it. I said so much early on, he knows my feelings. For me, the issue is that she did so much damage to our marriage and this household. She has been gone a year now and no one has ever said a word to her about the havoc she created. If my son had lied and manipultated the way she did, I would have ripped him apart. But, we can't say anything to her because she is a child and her parents are divorced. My parenting was questioned continuously that I questioned myself and thought I was wrong in being so strict with bioson. This is damage that my husband can't undo. Too many things were said. Well last week I went off on him about criticizing my parenting last year. Told him he was never to do it again. My son in one week, got his Drivers License, Made Eagle Scout and got confirmed in the Catholic Church and was allowed to have his first date since he was now 16. I went off on DH, that I have done somethings right and I will never take him questioning my judgement again.

Hold firm and disengage completely from the kid. Don't do anything for that child.

momhelp30's picture

I know your pain all to well, I have a SD14 that is a manipulation queen. She's so selfish and her dad used to treat her like a princess because she had him hosed into thinking she was so wonderful. I tried and tried to open his eyes but it just made things worse. Finally I stepped back, I said okay I'm not dealing with this monster you created then, you deal with her and her craziness. Once HE had to do it all and make her follow rules he finally saw her for who she really is. She started trying to play me like she had him, saying daddy is so mean poor me, so I told him and then he opened his eyes even more. Then I knew it was time that he would listen, I told him either we are a united team in this together or you're on a team with her and against me, I said so either you're with me or me and my son are leaving because we will not live in second place to a brat our whole lives.
He has been working with me and in return she can't play her games anymore, its awesome, she's still a liar and a brat but no it doesn't hurt our relationship, we just send the brat to her room and go about our life.

Bgran63's picture

I'm dealing with a SD who is almost 16 and one who is almost 14. They live with us full time, no relief in sight. Bio mom has drug/mental issues and has chosen to not have any contact with them for about 9 years now. The younger one has some issues, but overall she is capable of caring for others and is a pretty good kid. The older one is a wicked one, I truly believe she is rotten to the core. I don't want to get into everything she has done since we've been together (6 years) because it would take way too long. She's had multiple therapists since she was 6 years old and it was pointless. This year I took her to a psychiatrist and therapy. She will not take her medication and never has, so I couldn't tell you if it would be beneficial. My husband says I keep trying to fix someone that is not "Fixable." I can't stand to be in the same room with her smug little ass. I have finally thrown in the towel and give up on her. I don't care what she does or where she goes as long as she fully understands that at the age of 18 she is out and never welcome back. I am renting a one way, out of town uhaul for her 18th birthday present.