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I hate being left out!

mom2jirms's picture

My husband has a 15 yr. old and from day one (we've been together for 6 years now)I havent been "allowed" to be part of her life. His daughter lives with his parents because her mother left her when she was an infant and my husband was stationed in Cali. Her mother is German so she just up and left without her and tried to come back when she was 3 thinking she was gonna take her back but she didnt and honestly I dont understand why my husband didnt allow her to cuz he isnt being a father to her anyway. His parents, well his mother, picks and chooses what he should do for her and he does it like a freakin puppet and it makes me sick to my stomach and makes me lose all respect for him.
As we started our relationship she would come over and hang out with us, play with my 3 bio-kids. I thought she was just gonna be a part of our life but as years went by she slowly stopped coming over, started stealing from my oldest daughter and then now has completely stopped coming over. We see her maybe 4 or 5 times a year and they live 7 minutes away. He doesnt make her come over to spend time with us or even get to know her 2 half siblings that we had during this time. My 4 yr. old (her half sis) "knows" that she's her sister but when asked who her mom and dad are she says my in laws, so its clear she doesnt understand the whole of it. It makes me sad.
I try to tell myself that its none of my business and to just get over it but it hurts each and every time he has to run over there and do something for her, paperwork wise like take her to get her drivers permit cuz he's the one that has to cuz he's her dad. That was the most recent stunt. He up and left one morning and I didnt know where he went and thats what he went to do. Didnt even tell me anything about it. If I could go back in time and rethink things thru on how I'd really feel about dealing with a step child I wouldnt I woulda straight up walked away FAST!!
She's a spoiled brat and gets the world from her grand parents (my inlaws). They dont anywhere near treat my kids, their bio grandkids like anything but aquaintances and it goes the same way with his brothers daughters. Only she is the favorite and thinks the world should kiss her butt. Its really sad that my husband has allowed her to be brought up this way cuz he tries to be Mr. strict with his step kids (my older 3). I hate it, I hate every bit of it and wish I could just be strong enough to up and walk out of my marriage but I love my husband so much.
I wish he knew how much it kills me that things ended up being this way. I just dont have the strength to tell him again cuz the last time I sorta brought it up, he just said to get used to it.
If you got this far thanks for reading. I guess I just needed to get it out. Sad

ddakan's picture

well, they view her as their daughter and they spoil her like that.

you make him be fair to your kids and give him the same b.s. he gives you on his daughter. she is yours....these are mine. if i don't have a say...neither do you....

and you can tell him he can pretty much deal with it. once you start taking up for yourself, it will get easier and he will get less effective at controlling you. believe in yourself and have confidence....and stand your ground. you are an equal in the relationship, not a child.

you go girl!

mom2jirms's picture

Thanks guys. Its good to know that I'm not being a baby but a parent that is only allowed to be a parent when the other parents guilt sets in and just hurt by it. Sometimes I just dont understand why he chose this for her. When we first got together all he complained about was how much of a byatch his mother was and then he goes and allows her to raise his dd. And then why not give them all rights? Its so annoying how he just drops everything to go sign something cuz he's the only one who can. When she sees me she doesnt acknowledge me, no hi or bye, I just find it rude. I find this whole thing like a whole nother life that he's living thats supposed to be none of my business. And then its like why, why do I freakin care so much, I have 5 kids to raise, I dont need another! I just need to get back on my feet do what I need to do to be able tomake it on my own to raise my kids without him cuz Im just not sure how much more I can take.