Hi everyone,

I've been married for the last 8 years to my DH who has SD16. SD16 lives with her great grandma about forty minutes from us. Her parents divorced when she was 2. And she's had a pretty rough life in some ways. DH and BM cannot get along. They can't stand each other. BM is on DH #3 and while DH and I have been together quiet a while, he had a fiancée before me. SD16 was always nice enough to me, but very distant. She had a hard time being around any of us and was always at great grandma's house, which is where she went after becoming pregnant.

I thought I knew my husband. I thought he was a wonderful man and a great father. But after SD16 became pregnant, I found out some things and it finally opened my eyes to a lot of things that I ignored/missed.

SD16 was always asked to pick which parent she loved more. DH and BM could not be in the same room together and when SD16 was hospitalized at the at the age of 7, she was left with great grandma for long periods of time because neither parent would stay while the other was coming. All photos of her with her parents were banned from both houses because neither wanted a picture of the ex up, even if they were in her bedroom. It just wasn't allowed. She also had to deal with halfsiblings coming into her life, via DH and I. And stepsiblings from her BM.

This girl always seemed depressed at our house. I never felt comfortable around her to ask her about it, but DH always said she was just acting childish. I found out after it was because she wanted to celebrate her birthdays with friends (she was around 12/13 at this point) but neither DH or BM wanted that because they wanted her to have two family birthday parties where they would spoil her and she would then be asked who threw the better party and asked who she loved more DH or BM.

The pregnancy was a shock to me. I didn't think she was sexually active, but I knew she had a steady boyfriend. As soon as the pregnancy happened, she called a group meeting between me, DH, BM and SF. BM, SF and DH refused to be in the same room as each other, so she called us all from great grandmas house and said she wasn't living with either DH or BM. She said she wasn't going to have her baby brought up the same way she was, feeling as though they had to choose sides all the time and being used as a pawn in their games. She said she was sick of being pushed aside in favor of their new lives and only wanted around when they found a way to get back at their ex.

SD gave birth to her son 5 months ago. My kids found out in school because SD's boyfriend has younger siblings who know my kids. They were saying how cute he is, how they've gotten to hold and feed him, etc. My oldest two (7 & 6) came home and asked me why they don't get to see their nephew. They asked me if they could see him. They also said they miss their sister, who was a great sister to them, and they cried when DH said we weren't allowed to see the baby. DH proceeded to call SD16 and within three minutes, he was angry because he thought BM had met the baby already.

I haven't looked at DH the same way since all of this. I love him. And I know he's always been so good to our kids. He's an amazing parent to them. But the stuff with SD16... It's changed things. And the worst part is, my kids are asking about it more and more since school ended. They've been begging to see SD and nephew and I don't know what to tell them. DH ignores the subject.

I'm sorry if some of this makes very little sense. I'm up with a sick child.