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I cannot understand! Its so stupid==

invisable-to-SD's picture

For some stupid reason, my SD who is 17 cannot seem to bring down dishes or silverware from her room. and when she "does" all my dishes are not returned...Over the past year we are now to -- no spoons (I buy plastic ones), a few forks, 1/2 my bowls are missing, and amazingly my glasses have shown back up in the cabinet. WTF. Why must I be loosing my cookwear, eating utensils and bowls and coffee cups! DH ignores it. I told SD she has to use all paper plates, plastic cups and disposable DH thinks thats wrong, but doesnt insist that she clean her room (which is a whole other issue). DH freaks out if things in the kitchen get put away in the wrong spot -- but shruggs his shoulders about missing utensils. I want so badly to replace the silverwear, but know that it would just disappear again.....I know stupid. I just dont understand if she just throws them away from her room, or what kind of satisfaction she gets from this....After reading this post, I think I sound petty, but really, I just want to have my kitchen stuff and not be embarrassed when we have company over and have to use disposable spoons. I tell them "everything disappears around here", to which the comment is "thats weird", and these are my friends and they know and watch. it seems DH is the only one who just ignores it...err.I know, not life or death, but irritating as hell!!!!!

AlexandraL's picture

It's son does this and he is the same age. I'm constantly on him about it and I get really irritated when I need a spoon and there isn't one to be found.

Tmoore's picture

I am sorry, I would be so pissed if my kitchen stuff was gone.

I would go all bootcamp on her ass, stomp up to her room while she is sleeping and throw all her stuff around and find your dishes. I would be loud as hell, and I would make sure DH was home for the event. Then when she is looking at you like you are the crazy one, I would ingnore her and just get your stuff, but I would be talking to myself about how nasty it is, and how she will never use another dish in this house. I would make it at least a 30min rant.

And when DH asked what you problem is, say "nothing just find the dishes dear, see look at all the stuff I found"

Auteur's picture

No eating in her room. Period. Since she is not responsible enough NOT to leave a mess like a 2 year old AND TOO LAZY to bring back the stuff from her room.

I'd use an excuse (depending on the "defensive quotient" of your guilty daddy) like: ants are coming out of SD's room so we can't have anymore eating outside of the dining/kitchen area.

Jsmom's picture

Me - I would be tearing her room apart in front of my husband. I then would go buy a ton of new stuff and keep it somewhere else and leave only plastic for her. Trust me, I have done one of these complete rages on SD15 and she stopped whatever it was that was driving me nuts really quick. DH told me once that I was insane. I said no, but your kids are getting me there really quick. A few of those raids, stopped some of the crap that she was pulling.

I had a rant one time over her version of setting the table. I had watched it for months and had my tipping point when she gave half of us Salad Forks for dinner. That was night of lunacy. I asked her if she had a problem and did she have a learning disability that I needed to know about. After many discussions about the correct silverware, I finally realized that she was an idiot and called her out on it in much nicer words than I would have liked to use. I made her feel stupid and I don't care. She finally started paying attention to her one chore. DH thought I had gone to the dark side. Don't care it stopped and about three months after she went to live with mom full time and I do not have to deal with her in person any more....

Lose it on the child and maybe it will be enough to wake him and her up that this is BS...

purpledaisies's picture

Why is she eating in her room?? That is a HUGE NO NO in my house! Of course my ss's think they are the exception and I had to make them understand they are not. I agree with the others about a huge raid in her room while dh is there. I would also tell my dh that if he didn't like it then he needs to handle it his way before it gets to that point b/c if it does I will handle it my way again!

Gigi82's picture

I would be really pissed off about this too. Every time you find a bowl, plate, or utensil in her room, put them in her bed. Put the dirty things right on her pillow and keep doing that until she gets the hint. Or for every kitchen item that you find missing, take something out of her closet. Maybe she'll be more conscious of your things if she understands what it's like to lose her own!

jojo68's picture

My son does this and I make him use disposable only because he doesn't return my dishes right away. It makes me mad...I figure I give him the privilege of eating in his room..the least he could do is return my dishes.

gemma40's picture

When MY 2 adult SS 22. 26 moved in - because BM got sick of their bulging sloppy habits and decided to rent her house out _ she had been working away and let them live there rent free but they trashed the place - i began pulling my hair out at all the crockery disappearing.

When we got down to one glass - and I quarantined that for my evening constitutional - I would exclaim to DH "Well I don't know where another is(shrug with grin)". He would trounce out and recover two days worth of dishes.

We would have visitors and not be able to find a coffee cup - so I would ask DH to go recover some out of his "kids" rooms- very embarrassing for him.

It continued so I packed all but the exact amount required away. I do the dishes every evening as I am cooking dinner and If there is ONE thing missing I insist DH go finds it. Obviously he got annoyed at chasing up crockery from other adults and got so miffed with them they are now relatively compliant.

Years ago I know I would have whinged endlessly at DH, and he would have just got annoyed at ME. This way, no-one can say I'm being unfair - and I have my plates and cups back:).

B22S22's picture

I don't allow food in the bedrooms. That's just gross. And if I see even a CRUMB on the floor from someone "sneaking"... well let's just say they get very acquainted with the vacuum... not just their room either -- the whole HOUSE.

As for the rant and raid -- I love it! And don't forget the latex gloves because god only knows what kind of staphylococcus, pseudomonas, escherichia coli (to name a few) is growing on that stuff if it's been allowed to sit like a petrie dish. Ick.

And I also agree that for every dish/piece of silverware/glass that comes up missing -- take something of hers. Ipod, hair straightener, favorite shoes -- I'd start with the most-used, highest dollar items first. You can play the hostage game too.

1shoeon's picture

Seriously go down to one plate, one fork, one spoon, one bowl, one drinking glass, and one coffee cup per person that will use them. You don't wash your plate/cup et you don't eat/drink.

You can get cheap ones and sharpie names on them. }:)