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I’m in over my head's picture

I've posted once so far. Just a quick bio: 4 SKs. One young SS. does not currently give us issues, pretty laid back. 3 older SDs, the oldest is newly 18. 

The oldest SD (18) has a terrible attitude in general but has gotten far worse lately. I feel like her, and oftentimes the other SDs take small issues and turn them into huge problems. Example: I have a baby gate placed in the kitchen to the living room so I can block off our old, confused dog. I keep it up most times because it is a hassle for me to install and uninstall it. Oldest SD makes a HUGE deal of this! She thinks I can't hear in the room I'm in and I can clearly hear her cussing "why the F*** is this even up? Who the f*** even wants this stupid dog?", etc etc. Then she stomps around slamming cabinets, sighing, rolling eyes, muttering... it just goes on and on, the baby gate has destroyed her whole day (eyeroll). To some extent, all 3 SDs complain about very small issues: I love to cook but they don't like ANY of my cooking, so therefore: "They starve us!" They tell anyone and everyone that they aren't fed enough. 

DH has mentioned to oldest SD when she turned 18 last year that the attitude was to cease if she wanted to continue to live with us. I feel like she just got a little more passive aggressive with it? Or not so much with the baby gate. She crossed a huge line the other night and said aloud where DH could hear that she wanted to harm him, insinuating that she hoped he died. Now, this is all talk, nothing even close materialized but she said it! I know she was emotional and all but geez, where do we go from here? DH will work on legally getting her to leave, and he is heartbroken. Of course BM is fawning over SD and playing it like DH is just awful and how dare he. I'm assuming that SD has plans to live with her in the meantime but no official word as of yet. 

I believe SD has terrible intentions and may try to help BM get $ from DH to support her lazy lifestyle. She works at a pharmacy part time but only on the weekends. And wants to continue working very little to none at all! 

The two younger SDs are of course affected by this. BM is of course is always insinuating that DH is a terrible person and father and that I am evil. 

When DH and I last spoke he said that he believes there is little chance of a healthy and productive relationship with his daughters. He feels defeated by BM and her alienating of his children.


I'm not sure where to go from here. 

Kes's picture

If SD18 is doing and saying these awful things, I don't know why your DH is still giving her house room?  Here in the UK, age 18 is a legal adult, I'm assuming it is where you are too?  In which case, ask her to leave.   And if she goes to live with her mother - unless she is still in full time education why should DH continue to finance her?  I don't get the impression that she is, from what you say.'s picture

Yes, 18 is adulthood here. I think the delay is because of legal matters? I'm not wise in that area but I believe he's trying to ensure the eviction process is legal in our state!'s picture

And she is in school, I'm not sure about full time though? She just doesn't work very much, maybe 10 hours a week, maybe.. 

tog redux's picture

How would BM be able to get money from DH? Looks like your state ends Child Support at high school graduation.'s picture

I'm not familiar with it enough to know if she could or not, I have heard of several people having to pay through college but again, no personal dealings with it myself!