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how can I help my husband?

Starla's picture

I'm feeling so sad for what my DH is going through, any advise on how I can help him would be appreciated. He called his kids yesterday & wanted to make plans for the following weekend. My SS has been making great effort in school to get visits in with us, we only take him if its homework that he can do here or its completed. Well SS is going to work hard this week & is very excited to see us this coming weekend. DH & I miss him as well & are keeping fingers crossed of being able to have the visit with him.

Due to our situation, I will be staying behind as DH picks up SS. The reason is my SD. After a positive conversation DH had with SS, DH asked to speak with SS's sister...

DH told her that he loves her & asked how she is doing, what she has been up to, & was giving her the plans for the coming weekend. She was cold towards him, claims to be failing school since she is not doing her homework. She does not care & she keeps busy watching tv, playing games, being online doing whatever it is she wants to do, & her mother lets her. Well DH told her that he will be visiting her up there, bringing her brother down if he is able to come, & then visiting her once again when he brings her brother back. He says "I want to spend time with you & have you over but you keep hurting Starla & other kids which I can't have" she replies "i know". DH has been doing everything we can possibly think of to reach out to her only she won't budge. They finished talking & once off the fone, DH felt so sad & numb. Mind you he is a sensitive guy but SD behaves with sheer hatred towards everyone.

We all can relate to the disengage thing but its not our own flesh & blood that we do so with. DH is now taking the steps to disengage from his own daughter cause she has ripped his heart out. She don't care, has no motivation to try, & does not want to change. At this point, how can I help my husband?

Disneyfan's picture

Why in the world would he tie homework to a visit?

The visition schedule should be followed regarss of how the kids are doing in school. Spending time with your father should not be a reward.

Starla's picture

You are right that visitation is not a reward, I didn't give the background information as to why its being done this way. We were doing regular visitation but it was taking a toll on SS & his schooling. He came to us asking if we can cut back in making him go back & fourth. He is 17 & wants to see his friends some weekends, have access to work on his homework with his friends, & wants to visit when he does not feel tied up. He knows that he can come anytime but hes really trying to get his life on track without being shuffled around. He fell behind in school, this should be his last year, & he is fearing that he may not have enough credits to graduate so he is putting his all into that right now.