From full time to EOW... not as great as it sounds..
For the past 5 years SD13 has been with us 90% of the time due to the fact that where my DH and I were living we were in a school district that is pretty much the best in the state. DH had to fight tooth and nail for that prior to BM relenting and giving in.
We moved to a different district, while not as GOOD of a school system as where we were, it’s still in the 75th percentile for the state while BM’s district is in the 8th percentile… and she flat out refused to let her live with us to let her go to our district… in my state, poor DH doesn’t have a leg to stand on… he tried through court…. Now she’s in a school where she is considered “smart” and “advanced”… where as she came from a school where she made C’s and D’s.
While I secretly like having her with us every other weekend… I get frustrated because all that DH and I worked toward with her (the rules, discipline, chores etc.)… I find that all of those things are starting to go out the window. As if when we do have her it’s “special” and I’ve been told by DH that I’m too hard on her (this was after her posting something on Twitter about having divorced parents … boo, hoo!!!). It has nothing to do with her coming from divorced parents.. it’s her AGE and being a moody little b*tch. And JUST BECAUSE of that does not mean that you are EXEMPT from cleaning up after yourself, doing your laundry and basically not being a slug all day long!!!
It’s ironic, but it was easier to have a harmonious house with her here all the time. Sounds crazy… and she would still drive me guano when she was. But there was none of this “poor SD13, she has divorced parents.. it’s sooooooo tough for her” CRAP.
My vent is… it’s only Wendsday and I’m dreeeaading the weekend because it’s our weekend.
And for the love of all things holy, I swear If I have to hear DH REMIND her to shower AND brush her teeth, I think I might lose it… she thirteen for pete’s sake!!!!
Thanks for the listen… I needed that!
In my case, I would welcome
In my case, I would welcome EOW...but quite the different situation. What you experience on the weekends, I experience full time!
I'm really beginning to think it is this generation in general! You have a handful of good apples, but the rest? Entitled, it is all about "me", the world is here to serve "me", etc. We live in a time where teenagers don't have to face reality! They can take to the internet and get sympathy for whatever cause they want, rather that to face the fact that it isn't about them or that they are flat out wrong. Add to that all this reality TV (seems to be 50% of programming these days) where people become famous by acting like a spoiled brat for the cameras (ANY Real Housewives, Teen Mom, etc.), and these brats see nothing wrong with themselves.
Make yourself scarce around
Make yourself scarce around the time your DH has to "remind" her.
The one thing my DH will NOT make the skids do is brush their teeth, which I think is absolutely gross. We brush our teeth twice a day and these skids won't pick up a toothbrush all weekend. Nasty. On bad days, I secretly hope they have a gazillion cavities or their teeth start falling out....AFTER DH is no longer paying the insurance.
SheSloth claims she brushes,
SheSloth claims she brushes, but her breath always stinks to high heaven! We will be in the car, and DH tries to get SheSloth to have a conversation with him. I'm thinking, "Please don't! One...the sound of her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. Two...when she opens her mouth, she stinks up the whole car to the point I want to puke!" I got her that toothpaste that has extra breath control. I use it personally because I'm always self conscious about my breath. She made BM buy her some cheesy kids toothpaste saying that she didn't have any. When DH saw she wasn't using the breath control (the kids toothpaste was on the sink instead of the one I bought) he asked her where the other toothpaste was, because he even notices her breath always smells bad. She said she didn't like it because it made her mouth burn! Um...that is called killing germs which a good toothpaste is supposed to do! Her eating issues only make her breath worse...especially if she is in a binge and purge phase...so she needs all the help she can get!
Hated EOW...We always had to
Hated EOW...We always had to re-train the kids on Monday. BM has no rules or expectations and we did. Thankfully, we have SS16 full time the last three years and he is thriving. Straight A's and before it was B,C and D's. No consistency and this is a kid that needs it. As for the one BM had to have full custody of. Read my blogs. In the only college that would take her and lots of drugs. Pathetic.
Kids need consistency to achieve.
SD13 has absolutely no clue
SD13 has absolutely no clue about cleanliness. NONE.
What is WITH these kids lack of hygiene?? OMG! When I first started dating DH she was 6... and even then he would wash her and her hair. And for many years after. Finally I was like WTF... this kid needs to learn how to do this on her own. Hell, he was still cutting her meat up until last year. Again... I said this needs to stop... She does it now... barely. It's painful to watch.
As a result... she NEVER washes her hair. She says she does, but her hair is sooo oily, I can tell. And brushing her teeth? She plays it off, I could HEAR her that she didn't.
Never saw any turds without paper.. but I know for a fact shes done it with just pee...
I JUST DON'T get it!
Goddess help me when this child gets her period... GAH!
SheSloth uses the TP for
SheSloth uses the TP for blowing her nose and makeup...when it is there. Otherwise, she can go WEEKS without TP in her bathroom! She won't ask for any, either. DH will notice and put some in there, or SheSloth's friend will come ask for TP.
I think SheSloth's hair is the only reason she showers. Hair always has to be on point! Otherwise, I think she would spend every night sitting on the side of the tub shaving her legs without showering, because we can't have hair legs, now, either! How can one be so picky about hair, makeup, and how much stubble is on her legs, yet not care about wiping, brushing her teeth, etc.? Makes no sense to me!
EOW or three out of 4 like we
EOW or three out of 4 like we have is horrible. You don't have the kids enough to make any difference in their lives. And it takes your rest time and makes it stressful. I loook to relax on the weekend after working all week. I can't because skids are there all the time. No break. If we had them more, at least then we could have an impact and make things better so the weekends wouldn't be like this.
"I loook to relax on the
"I loook to relax on the weekend after working all week. I can't because skids are there all the time. No break."
I have this problem because SheSloth currently doesn't want to go to BM's on the weekends because it is too boring over there..."Mom just sits around all day and watches TV!" What does the girl expect? Her mother is a diagnosed bipolar who rarely takes her meds and is over 300 lbs! So, not only do I have to deal with the girl living with us because BM "just can't handle her anymore" after she spent the girl's entire life screwing her up to believe that the entire world revolves around her, she gets whatever she wants, and if anyone disagrees it is okay to make their life hell (during this time, DH was lucky if he got SheSloth once a month without BM having some excuse why SheSloth couldn't visit), BUT I can can't get rid of the little brat on the weekends, either!
Oh...camping a bad idea...I
Oh...camping a bad idea...I don't do camping! Mostly because I'm one of those unfortunates that the bugs love to eat, and every plant in our area likes to make miserable! LOL
I wish no internet would affect SheSloth that way, but when there is no internet, she simply sleeps. "All mom does all day is sit around and watch TV!" All SheSloth wants to do all day is lay around and sleep! They should get along perfect! Oh wait, here she doesn't have to take care of her little brother because her mom and stepdad are too lazy to do it! That is really the big difference.
^ absolutely Sports Fan...
^ absolutely Sports Fan... She was with us for so much of the time and for so long I felt I WAS making somewhat of a difference. Now I feel it's all going to go to s*it.
No rest for the weary. Saturday DH has to work so the kids are solely my responsibility and Sunday we have a family get together (his). All I want to do is spend the afternoon doing what I want, I love my DS2 but toddlers are a freaking HANDFUL.... it's been soo long. I need a break.
Equal time with both parents
Equal time with both parents is what the "experts" say is the best blended family situation. I disagree. Stability and consistency is best for the child IMHO. Which is why I believe that a long distance visitation schedule is far better in most situations than an EOW or EOWE situation. The kid has a primary home and set of rules and their visitation time is dedicated and uninterrupted by having to pack and move between homes on a weekly basis. Time with the NCP is extended and the NCP has the opportunity to influence the child without the interruption and distraction of sending the kid back to the CP on a frequent basis.
Rules apply to the kid in each household with fewer interruptions to the time in each household.
The strength of the parent child relationship has little to do with the distance between the child's two homes or time with each parent and far more to do with the structure within the home and the quality of the time between the child and their parent(s).
In my layman's opinion of course.