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Food issues

Ki2619's picture

I am 100% disengaged. I choose to help DH by taking his kids (15 boy, 13 girl) to school. I disengaged in 2019 after we found out some serious lies were told by ss15 told to court about his stepdad.  For the last few years I've noticed serious food issues. DH doesn't really parent now that there is shared custody and shared time. These kids eat up everything in the pantry. Even cooking ingredients, (chopped walnuts, baking chocolate chips). This past weekend ss15 had friends spend the night. Dh took them and sd13 to the dollar store because they wanted snacks. sd13 had $20 of her own and She spent it all on two bags of hot Cheetos, two big bags of Nerds Clusters and a big bag of m&ms. In less than 48 hours it's all gone eaten by sd13. She also ate several slices of pie I made for DH birthday on Saturday. 

Ss15 went through several candy bars and bags of chips himself. They are both considered obese by their pediatrician. Sd13 was a size womens 14 at the end of her 7th grade year in May 2022. By July of this year when shopping for new clothes she is now a size womens 18 or junior 19.  She got into trouble and lost her phone and iPad so she sits in the living room watching tv the entire time she is with us which is by the kitchen. She eats a lot when dh and I go to bed at 10 pm.  She has a bedtime when school is in but when school is out we still have to work so they eat all night long. I find her trash regularly hidden on the shelf of the end table between DH jeep magazines. 

im all for body positivity and beautiful at any size but with some mental issues both kids now have (anxiety and depression) and their lack of movement I am concerned for their health.  They complain about it too occasionally. DH had no idea the amount of junk sd bought because he said it was her money. But he will complain when he is constantly having to buy clothes. Ss asked for clothes for Christmas and DH realized it's because his are all too small. We both understand kids grow but the amount they grow out and not up is alarming. I'm concerned for their health and while I am disengaged I did mention to DH the concerns I have. I don't know if he's too worried about upsetting them by limiting junk food and hurting their feelings or if he just doesn't want to deal with it. Since they now share time I think he just doesn't want to deal with it. It is truly hard to watch. 

when we go to the store the kids never want to go so they stay home. They don't always ask for stuff but they always seem to have tons of junk. They bring a lot from BMs in their backpacks on drop off day. I don't guess she is concerned either. I've thought about recommending a family membership to a workout facility. DH and I both belong to a planet fitness and in the last year and a half I go on the regular. I mentioned joining our YMCA as a family hoping to get the kids moving some. They might take 800 steps a day when they're not in school. Is that pushing it too far?  The YMCA has a pool so they would enjoy that I think. I'm not pushing teens to do a workout teen or anything. I also don't know if DH would take advantage of going in the evening hours when the skids would want to go. He is a diabetic and I hate to see kids heading down that same path. 

Rags's picture

in at all. PERIOD! DOT!

Full disclosure. I am not a doctor. I am a nearly 41 year T-1 diabetic however.

It took many years for my DW to realize that we cannot have crap food in the house. PERIOD!.  Once she got on board the fresh meats, green/low carb veg band wagon, we both have lost a ton of weight and are far healthier.

The basics... No rice, corn, potatoes, wheat based products (pasta, pastries, bread, etc...) and no sugar in any form (table, corn syrup, agave nector, honey, etc...).  The transition is not easy, though once made it is not hard to maintain.  

I suggest this book for your DH to read. It is my go to disease management reference as a near life long Juvenile (T-1) onset diabetic.  I do not have any skin in the game regarding this book.. I have purchased and given away dozens of copies of it over the years.  You ocan read a number or excerpts from the book at the web site.  I have several hard copies in my home that I happily give to struggling diabetics, I also keep a digital copy on my Kendal.

My DW has her own copy as well and uses it as a healthy eating model guide. She is not a diabetic.



Shieldmaiden's picture

I felt the same way when I saw my 3 SD's eating hot cheetos and candy and Dr. Pepper from the Minimart for dinner instead of the healthy dinner I cooked for them. DH was the one who bought them this crap, and he was competing with BM for their affection, which is why he did this. 

I finally got wise after hearing them complain about not being able to sleep (caffeine), being dehydrated and constipated (junk food high in sugar and salt) and having headaches and feeling weak all the time. I brought this up with them and DH, and their response was.....complete denial. So, after a few times of being ignored, I stopped caring about their health as THEY didnt care enough to do anything about it. 

These kids have two parents and brains of their own. Don't get sucked into their cycle of food drama. "Daddeee whyyyy do I ALWAYS feel so bad? Daddee whyyy can't I have another candybar for dinner?" 

Daddee: "Of course you can have another candybar for dinner, sweetums!!" 

Me: eyeroll. 

SD " But I can't sleeeeep! "

Daddee: "Take some cough medicine. It will put you right out." 

Me: "WTF? She is 12!.............Oh yeah. Nevermind. You go on with your bad self. Just don't come crying to me about sweetums is a drug addict."