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First Meeting

ElizabethLauren's picture

DH and I will meet his 15 year old biological son for the first time on Saturday. It was a one night stand situation. When SS was born, BM and DH agreed that DH would carry on with his life and they would carry on with theirs. It was like signing over his rights, only he didn't. He has paid child support all 15 years. SS had another father, but doesn't now. We've recently been in contact and SS, DH, and I are planning to meet for the first time. We have other children. Our DS18 knows about the situation, but DD11, DD6, and DD5 do not. I need advice on how to tell the girls. I also need advice on how to act and what to say during the meeting. It's exciting for us all, but a little nerve racking. Smile

ElizabethLauren's picture

Honestly we don't know how long he's known. Your advice about being warm, confident, and relaxed is very helpful. Thank you.

ElizabethLauren's picture

Yeah, he is my adopted SS. So he IS mine, but not biologically. He was with DH when we married.

IslandofDreams's picture

This is a difficult situation. I would advise to stay calm during the meeting and see what type of relationship SS15 is looking for from DH. It will be awkward for everyone. Be welcoming but take everythin in. Will BM be there for the meet? Aslo, if BM gets another husband, will DH's fatherly services no longer be required?

I would not tell the younger children until after a couple of meetings. A relationship should be established before the other kids know about this. It will be easier for them to understand when DH presents him to the other kids as his son.

Also, since this was a one night stand, Please tell me DH DID have a DNA test done?

ElizabethLauren's picture

Oh yes, paternity was established. The meeting went well. It was a little shocking, as SS was not raised by people like us and clearly has some social issues. We'll figure it all out... thanks for your comments.

somerg's picture

going through that with my dh with his 24 yr old dd,

i would wait to say anything to the little one to protect them from "abandonment issues" they may feel if 15yr old half/step bro doesnt' want much to do with the family.

a little at a time would be best, slowly work him into the family.