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Feeling violated once again by a sneak....leave my stuff alone!

California12's picture

Just when I think things are on the right track, SD14 is turning out to be liar. My husband and I are pretty liberal people and just want the kids to pick up after themselves, respect our property and pretty much the world is theirs. One of my big issues is that my closet and my bathroom are off limits. Over and over and over I have found things that are missing - expensive hairbrushes, makeup and creepily enough my thong underwear. Things like high heels that I don't typically wear have been found by accident in my SD's closet when we have finally had enough when her room looks like a disaster and we do our weekly raid and bag everything up. Two weeks ago I got in my bath and my razor and shampoo were missing. She had taken them and put them in the shower and never had the courtesy to put them back. I chalked it up to teenagers being teenagers. Last week, my mascara and favorite eyeliner were missing. 6:30 in the morning and not quite happy about scrambling around. I asked SD14 if she had borrowed it - told her "honey, if you want to talk about makeup I will take you for a professional and get you your own"and said it's really not hygienic to borrow other people's stuff. She looked at me and said no she never would take it. I went back in my room and when I went to leave for work my mascara was magically in my handbag. I NEVER carry it in there. She laughed as said I must have thought it was lipstick and threw it in there. Well today, I went in her room and found a makeup case (which she clearly sneaks from her mom - her mom shames her for anything that is remotely feminine and anything not involving basketball shorts). I looked in there and guess what? My eyeliner and other expensive cosmetics, a flat iron AND a white thong she had balled up in a shopping bag. This, after I took her shopping all weekend. I am skeeved out and beyond PISSED. Seriously, to sit there and LIE to me and sneak through my stuff when I am gone AND take advantage of my trust. I am DONE with our house being treated like a dump by SS12 and SD14. I am DONE not being able to by new furniture because our house gets wrecked and I am NOW I can't even have my own space?????? And all I have ever done was to encourage her to be herself, come to me with questions, etc. Trust violated and she's turning out like her mom. So disappointing. Leave my lingerie alone!

notasm3's picture

Most of the time it goes beyond "free range" and is absolutely "feral" behavior.

over step's picture

I have been forced to take everything out of the bathroom that is mine and hide when puke is here. She knows I don't want her using my things and has used things that I clearly marked as mine. So now I have to be inconvenienced because SO doesn't know how to stop her.

The last straw was when I found her eyeliner in my makeup bag which I showed SO. His reply? Maybe she got it mixed up. Really? We have nowhere near the same makeup bag nor do we store it in the same place. I threw out my makeup and bought brand new so I wouldn't get some sort of infection from her.

Yet another example of how I pay the price and they reap the benefits.

California12's picture

This was when I asked her if she had borrowed something and forgot to return it. Before she lied, and certainly before I found what she had taken today. GUess I get played for a fool once again.

Cover1W's picture

I had to lock up my makeup when we had to share a bathroom with SDs. The lock WORKED! DP couldn't understand the issue (buy them some of their own...what's so unhygenic about it?...they are just playing...) so I just put a lock on it. Done. I don't have a lock on it now that we have our own bathroom, and SDs are NOT allowed in there w/out permission which DP has been good about and I am all over if I see either of them in that area. So far nothing missing, nothing used or out of place for months.

As for the furniture...if it's yours, don't allow it to be mis-treated. My SDs used to use the furniture like trampolines, springboards and balance beams. Seriously horrified the first time I saw this (at a rental house with rental furniture) and DP, again, didn't see the problem. They are just kids....yeah, ones that destroy furniture, window coverings, walls, and floors. Once we moved out of there I didn't pay a penny for any clean up or repairs. And I'm damned sure that they are treating MY furniture well at the new house. Plus, they have their own furniture now that they are responsible for and seem to take more care with it.

Sounds like you have found two things you cannot bend on. Then take control of these two things.

Andie91801's picture

DH didn't believe me when I told him so I took an exploding dye back from my boy, I think he got it from eBay, and put in my makeup bag. When princess started going thru my bag it exploded into her face and allover the place. LOL. It was priceless and shut DH up for good.


Tuff Noogies's picture

}:) }:) }:) }:)
*tuff goes off to ck out e-bay*

ETA - wait a sec... not a good idea as i would need to remove the dye pack to use what i wanted out of that drawer. and hell, it may explode on dh!!!

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

You win StepTalk today!!! That's genius!!!!! Wish I'd thought of that when SSociopath16 was going through our bedroom drawers.

Justmeandmybipolar1's picture

In all honesty I'd get a lock on my door and be done with it. I am in same situation as far as trying to find common ground with s-kids, let them know you aren't against them etc and are there for help and advice but it's only when it suits them. The rest of the time they are robbing you blind and bad mouthing you to their non cohabitant biologicals. I have had drawers and personal things raided through, pictures of inside my bedroom sent to birth mum and all kinds of harassment! Jesus I have even had bank and credit card statements taken from my house! You've gave her more than enough chances and she has taken the p1ss every time. Get a lock and know your things are safe.

Me x

HopeFalls's picture

I've had to keep all my personal belongings locked in my bathroom for the past two years and now that the SD is at daddy's I can feel free again in my own home. It is such a relief. What is is with kids thinking the world owes them. We never raised them to be that way, but SD has been doing this for years and when I finally had enough and locked my bathroom she would sneak in when I was home in it was unlocked, despite having her own things! Pisses me off beyond words. I also found stuff in her room and closet after she lied to my face. So glad to be free of that negative energy now and not looking forward to having to deal with her again. Best thing is to keep you stuff locked up, they don't listen and they don't care as much as we want them to or thought we've raised them to.

Rags's picture

Free range feral children grow into entitlement minded adults. Set some real rules, enforce them, tie a knot in the little lying thief's tail and keep it tight until she gains clarity or moves on.

Lack of behavioral expectations and effective consequences breeds what you are experiencing with your SD.

Good luck.

Anna222's picture

This is my first time on this site and I am so excited and relieved to find so many people dealing with the same issues that I tip toe around because my husband minimizes them and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells! We have a housekeeper once a week who often mixes up laundry and when my 13yo SD finds my things in her room she just wears them, knowing it's not hers and not even asking! And she takes things from my 8 yo daughter and lies about it and when I proved it, and was made out to be the asshole by doing so, she played all innocent to her dad like it was an honest mistake. I know better, she is pulling the wool over his eyes and he doesn't get it at all! And of course if I Pont it out...I'm the enemy. Ugh!!! I understand the protectiveness of your biological kids but how do I get him to see how manipulative she is?! He already acknowledged she lies but if I were to suggest she was lying it would be WW 3

Stormyweather's picture

Anna if you can find the answer to your question can you let me know too? I'm also in the same boat! I'm sick of everyone making me out to be the inconsiderate one when they are the ones behaving badly!!!

Anna222's picture

At least it's comforting to know there are other people in the same boat and I'm not the evil SM I'm made to feel like sometimes

boozlendidsmom's picture

A friend (who was a step-mom long before I was) warned me that I should hide or lock away everything that is mine. She said that's the only way to avoid conflict over this issue. I didn't realize that I even needed to hide my toothbrush and my razor! Yeah, there are no boundaries. They think everything in the house belongs to them.

notasm3's picture

Those fucktard skids should be so glad I am not their SM - because I would go batshit crazy on them. And I guarantee that they would regret their actions.

Want to steal my makeup - wow it might mysteriously have some vile substance that causes acute pain mixed in with it. I wouldn't care if they went blind.

poopsandwhich's picture

I am so sick of this too...Bet your SDs never stole your vibrator... :jawdrop:

The impossible Girl's picture

I used to have this problem too, though it didnt extend to my underwear thankfully. My husband didnt care and didnt take it seriously. At the time I was trying to disengage and let him handle it but at some point I had enough of him not caring and barely correcting the behavior. So, when I one time when I asked where my stuff was and she lied, I went in her room, got the stuff and called her out right then and there and flat out told her I consider this stealing and I dont appreciate her lying to me. I think she was shocked that I blasted her and she never did it again. Well, once or twice a year she still takes something but she does not lie about it and will get it back to me.

I also tried the whole idea of buying her her own so she doesnt take my things and that didnt work. She just escalated and took more of my things probably in the hopes that I would buy her that stuff too.

still learning's picture

Maybe it was the cats. The cats get blamed by DH for everything that goes missing off my desk. Funny how the missing and vandalized items always coincided with ss30's visits. I could see a cat thinking a thong was a sting toy Wink