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Feel Like Giving Up

Starstudit's picture

I just recently got married a few months ago and im so unhappy.  She has a 15yr demon seed that manipulates her to no end. Since we have been married its like a light switch in our relationship has been turned off. This kid has sent her into a major depression to where she spends most of her days sleeping,  not being engaged with her other two children or me. The 15yr old moved out and is living with a family friend, and for me and the other children it has been peaceful since he left. He tried to sabotage our wedding and ever since he has been back from his fathers house our household has been full of hell. Today is Thanksgiving and a couple of daya ago I told her if he was going to be coming to the house that I was going to not be there. I cannot stand this kid. He has put his hands on his mom, he has stolen from everyone in the house on numerous ocassions, hes just a fuck up of a person. Her other children are not like this kid. We have put him in counseling, we tried putting him on punishment,  we have tried positive reinforcements opposed to focusing on the negative and a ton of other crap and nothing works. I begged her to not bring him back from.his fathers because i knew it would be nothing but turmoil in that house and sure enough it is. Im pissed at my wife because the kid asked her could he spend Thanksgiving with us and i feel she should have told him no to teach his ass tough love because he did not get permission to leave but wants to come and go as he pleases. I feel myself and the other children should not have to be uncomfortable when he is there. All of my shit has to be locked up in the garage because he steals all my shit. I feel like my wife should have put me and the other kids first and make this damn kid feel what it feels like to not have your family so that it will stick so he can begin treating his mother and everyone else in the house with respect. But instead im spending our first Thanksgiving alone. Im beyond frustrated. There is so much more to the story but bottom line is i feel like giving up

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Have you tried counselling with your wife?

I hope you are ‘safeguarding’ your finances so you don’t get taken for a ride financially. 

Would your wife compromise with you to see if it would be worth her meeting her son out of the house for a few weeks so people can have a break from the situation whilst you try and find a way to tackle your problems together? 

Did you move into ‘her’ house with her kids, as that can sometimes complicate the issue (and also sometimes the kids see it as their home and not ‘the family home which includes you’). Some kids have an I was here first mentality, therefore I will do as I like. 

Has the boy seen a doctor recently to see if he has any mental health issues? 

I wont say didn’t you know what you were getting yourself into when you got married, because my stepchildren turned on me when I married their father. After 3 and half years of ‘c**p’ I can apply for my decree absolute after Xmas. 

I hope it works out for you. 

Kes's picture

Sadly there are no magic wands to deal with awful step kids - but at least it sounds like you and your wife are largely singing from the same hymn sheet when it comes to SS15 - she is not defending him by the sounds of it.  I think in your situation, my solution, if the boy remains living with his mother, would be to move out into my own peaceful place and still see your wife but not SS15.   Life is too short to be living in hell most of the time.  

Harry's picture

Untill you live it. Not your fault thing did not turn out the way you hope it would.  It it all did there would not be this form.

Your wife has to keep sometype of relationship with her 15 yo.  He still her child. I am sure where ever he was staying he must of wore out his welcome.   This leaves you,  you either try to stay and put up with him, as in disengaging with him. 
Two ship in the night.  Or you have to move out.  Trying to keep some type of relationship with your wife .

Starstudit's picture

Thank you all so much for the wonderul advice.  I had not heard of disengaging until hear. That may be the best solution 

Rags's picture

You have the right idea IMHO.  The wellbeing and peace of the rest of the family should never be sacrificed for a toxic crotch dropping.  Especially for a teen who should have long ago learned better.

I would suggest Military School for this kid.  Those young Cadet leaders will chew him up and spit him out a polished, polite and confident kid rather than the illbehaved POS that he currently is.  And... it gets him out of the home and assures peace for the rest of the family.

Good luck.

Take care of y ou.