Heather031300's picture

My daughter will be getting her driving license next month. My SD goes to the same high school with my daughter. I'm concerned that my husband will want his daughter to ride to school with mine. Will it be out of line for me to ask him to have his ex okay their daughter riding to and from school with my daughter? His kids has never rode with my older child. 

Heather031300's picture

Just wanted to add that my SD mother has made a living out of suing people. My main concern is that if something was to happened while riding with daughter. Have anyone have to deal with this before?


Rags's picture

I think them riding with your child is fine if DH approves it.  There is no need to go to his X for permission.  He is the dad, it is his call... and yours.

I would avoid allowing BM that much say in your family and household decisions.

IMHO of course.

Heather031300's picture

Once she receive her regualr license their isn't any law that say who she can drive. Right now the DH takes them to school when his kids are with us. When they are not with us then my daughter rides the bus. 

Survivingstephell's picture

The way we handled it was blaming it on the insurance for new drivers.  Personally, I would tell SD that BD isn't allowed to have passangers until you as her parent deem her experienced enough and has proven to you she is a safe driver.  That only comes with time.  

You are the parent and should be able to set the rules around the car.  No need to mention a sue happy BM.  The odds of a new driver having an accident are way higher  than other groups.  

Heather031300's picture

I mentioned the sue happy BM because she has already threatened to me sue me over sharing a photo that the high school posted on Facebook. I don't mind my daughter driving her. My main concern is do I have to have her mother permission for her to ride with my daughter. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Usually when a HCBM has a heads up on a situation that she can ruin or make use of in hurting her ex, she will take it and run with it.  

You know she has this flaw, why give her ammo to use it???  This is a battle for DH with BM but if you think he would not have your back then I would in no way give permission for this to happen.  I'm sure DH will whine and pout about it. My DH lived in denial land for a long time and it took too many times of me being right and predicting BM's bad behavior before he stopped thinking she was normal.  If your man lives in denial land thinking BM would never do that, you take charge of the situation and make the rules.  That's what I had to do and looking back, it was the smartest thing for us.  

ndc's picture

Having her mother's permission will not keep her mother from suing you if something happens.  Make sure you have good insurance (which you should do regardless).  If it makes you more comfortable to have BM's permission, have at it, but it might set a bad precedent.  Dad does, after all, have the right to permit his daughter to drive with your daughter or anyone else when it's his parenting time.  You might not want the BM to think she has more control/authority at your house than she really does. 

Iamwoman's picture

Nope. Nope. Nope.

There are way too many variables here: 

1. DD is a new driver and thus more likely to wreck

2. BM is waiting for an opportunity to sue, and if there is a wreck she have you and your insurance company in court pronto

3. DH already has a system in place to get his kids to school which obviously is tailored solely to his own kids given that DD only gets rides as a third wheel to skids

4. Your kid. Your insurance. Her car.


My DH was forced to give rides to his stepsister when he was a teen. Stepsister was always running late and making his life a living hell. Eventually he stopped giving her rides. It was HIS car and as his name was on the title, he had that prerogative.

At some point, teens need to feel independent. DD should not be made to feel as if she has no choices in life. Let the poor girl enjoy her newfound independence and her new car without being responsible for your husband’s kids. If it were siblings, that would be different. But they are not siblings. BM has made that very clear.

leo1234's picture

It is your daughter. Yes it is fine for you to not want her to have anyone ride along - especially a first time driver!

Heather031300's picture

Both girls are the same age my D is two months older then SD. The car will be in my name and I paid for the car insurance. My DH is also on the car insurance with his vehicle. I just want to thank everyone for the comments. I will be talk to the DH about this soon.