Doesn't listen to anyone!
SD14 came home with a knee brace on today. I know what this is going to start...her complaining about it hurting and needing to take butt loads of ibuprofen. Supposedly, she twisted it during color guard practice...she has twisted this same knee before spinning around aimlessly on carpet...too much friction, she turned her body harder than her foot would slide on the carpet, and twisted knee. She keeps insisting on this dance stuff, but she doesn't want to do anything to take care of herself. I'm a part time personal trainer...I have gone to school for it and have a certification, but of course, SD14 things she knows so much more than I do! She doesn't stretch properly, and when she does, she does things that are very risky...and when I try to warn her of injury, she tells me I don't know what I'm talking about...she is the dance EXPERT! No, I didn't just study anatomy or go through an entire course on proper exercise and stretch form and such to prevent injury and such...no, I'm clueless! (<---sarcasm here) I've also tried to tell her many times that if she truly wants to be a dancer, she needs to eat right, which means fruit and veggies, plenty of lean proteins, etc...you know, the kinds of things that help build or rebuild tissues. No, I don't know what I'm talking about there either, obviously!
So now she has this injury...one that my recommendation as a trainer if it were just some stranger off the street or a client would be for her to bow out of the show and let heal fully...which can take 6 weeks to 6 months...depending on things like age, any nutrition deficiencies, etc. I know if I even bring this up, it will bring nothing but drama, and DH will not even think about telling SD14 she should bow out of the show. No, he would rather baby her for the next 3 months (yes, she has competitions for the next 3 months...one a week), feeding her advil (which is going to do wonders to her stomach with her eating disorder that he refuses to acknowledge), and allow her to continue to stress the injured knee until, I don't know, she completely tears and ACL or MCL or both, and has to get surgery to repair?
Why won't they listen to me? Yet again, I get to sit and watch the drama unfold! Hope he has the money to pay for those med bills, because I'm not contributing! Not when it can all be avoided! Yes, she will be upset for a little while, but if it were my child, I would rather them be upset for a little while than end up with a blown knee which could prevent them from doing all kinds of stuff and affect them the rest of their life!
Sounds like normal teenager
Sounds like normal teenager stuff which bio-parents have to control. If Daddy and Mommy can't then your job is to shut up. lol Give Dad advise, once and in private, then leave it alone.
Kids are resilient and she probably won't end up in a full body brace for the rest of her life. In any event, as you've said, its not your problem or place.
Your DH is an idiot. As
Your DH is an idiot. As someone who has had four extensive knee surgeries, he needs to address it. She may have torn cartilage, as well. And, taking that much ibuprofen can cause liver damage.
This is bad parenting. If he doesn't want to listen, completely disengage and let the cards fall where they may. I'm sure if her dance instructor knew about this, they'd pull her from dancing. I did dance as a teen and my instructor refused to let me participate after an injury till my doctor completely cleared me.
That's what I'm
That's what I'm doing...letting the cards fall! And she doesn't actually have an instructor, per se. Their coach is this guy that did color guard in high school and college...no real dance training or any kind of training in the area of injuries related to dance or what not...but he can twirl! Ugh! I get so frustrated with people who think they know how the body works with no real education! SD14 is already turning into one of these! One night, we were in the car and my MIL was with us. Well, MIL wants to start trying to get healthier, and wants me to help her. Somehow, SD14 managed to work her way into the conversation. And literally told my MIL, "Well, you can go to her about exercise, but you should come to me about stretching!" Luckily, MIL isn't stupid, and knows to not go to a teenager with no formal education or training in fitness! I just thought, "Really? Now you are going to try to tell me how to do MY profession?"
But that is the kind of person she is...self-centered and think she knows everything about everything, and will try to argue you down! And if she can't argue you down, she will talk crap about you behind your back!
I don't know why DH doesn't listen. I think he is too concerned with his princess being happy all the time...even if it ends up harming her in the end! I would not let my son play football in a bum knee! Knees, hips, and shoulders are the joints most exposed to injury, and joints we depend on the most in our daily activities! You don't play with those things! If they are injured, you let them heal! But sd14 being in the show is more important! If she has all these aches and pains at 14, what is it going to be like at 20?
LOL...yup...and she will
LOL...yup...and she will probably come to me asking if there is anything I can do to fix it without surgery, as she will think "Oh, SM is a trainer/therapist...maybe she will fix me for free!" Let's just say I will not put off any paying clients for her, that is how much it will mean to me, and I will be sure to tell her if she had listened to me now in her early teens, she wouldn't be where she finds herself then. It is one thing to work hard for something you really want...to train hard...but even the best athletes understand that they sometimes have to take a step back from what they love to do if they are injured...if there is any hope of them continuing on! When you talk to SD14 about her future, she insists she wants to get into a dance school or join a troupe...but what I see, the heart isn't there! She only dances in practice at school...she doesn't stretch at home, she doesn't do any kind of training (strength or cardio), she doesn't eat right, and she doesn't do any kind of research in the area of dance. I know some folks who used to dance professionally...my girl has all kinds of knee problems. She blames it on focusing only on dance, and not training to strengthen the areas around the knees. Now, she is a fitness instructor...she teaches classes to people who just want to dance for fun...that is how we met in her Hip Hop class (I love to dance, just know I can't do it professionally). The key to prevent injury is to provide specific training to the key areas. If you strengthen your hamstrings and quads, for example, you can avoid many knee injuries, because when you take leaps, you leap and land differently (not something that one can see while you dance, but you feel it), in a way that takes stress off of the knee. I've tried to explain this to SD14, especially when she complains that her leaps aren't what they should be, but she never listens. No, she thinks that what she needs to do is a risky split across two chairs...where there is no support under your body (I call it the Van Damme splits, because I've seen him do it is several movies...only the feet and ankles are supported). She doesn't realize that without the strength in her legs and glutes, she can tear up her knees and hip flexors doing those kinds of stretches/splits!
But like I said...she says dance is important to her, but I can see the heart isn't there. When the heart is there, a person takes in the advise of people who can help them...they are willing to do whatever it takes...extra training, special diet. My son is going to a school that will be on his butt nearly 24/7...coaches that will come get him up to get his butt to class, mandatory chapel, mandatory Bible classes, special diet monitored by the coaches, special training because he wants to play football that bad! He doesn't even care what position they put him in...he wants to be a running back, but if coach says he can be used better elsewhere, that is what he will play...because it is the heart. If she had the heart, she would have taken DH up on the offer to take classes at the lower prices school close to our house that is more in our budget...but no...she does not want to go to a school unless it is the expensive school on the other side of the city! Like I said...when you have heart, you take whatever you get!
We are supposed to be meeting the boyfriend this evening. UGH! I can't believe DH backed down from his rule of no boyfriends! She has been staying on the phone until all hours with this guy. My son has said a couple of times this week, he came home from work (which is usually around midnight because he closes) and he could hear her talking in her room. This morning, I had to tell her 4 times to get up, because she kept falling back to sleep!!! This was after she said she was going to bed at 10, and DH heard her talking on the phone at 11 and told her to get off the phone and go to sleep (which resulted in a huge screaming match). And her attitude all yesterday evening...UGH! She claimed it was because she wasn't feeling well...which I know was because she is in another fasting period, because when I went in at 5 p.m. to fill her lunch account for next week, it showed she didn't buy lunch yesterday (and it always shows immediately after she charges anything against her account). At dinner, she ate half a pork chop and a handful of spinach. That was it!