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Discipline needed SS16

Teresa_kaz's picture

SS16 has been getting into trouble the past few months. Grounding him hasn't worked - he continues to do the same stupid stuff. DH sees it as typical teenage behavior...drinking, acting up in school, and just continues with grounding him as punishment. What is REALLY bothering me is seeing DH being so weak and justifying SS behavior. SS is arrogant; he was almost laughing the last time he was grounded. I am so frustrated watching my husband acting like a fool. Welp. Just needed to vent!

notasm3's picture

I didn't sneak out as my parents put no restrictions on me. Pot was not an issue back in the dark ages when I was a teen - but we did know where to go get alcohol by age 14. I was dating officers in the Air Force and going to clubs when I was 17.

But the BIG difference was that I knew what I could reasonably get away with in life. I had perfect grades, was a leader in everything from student council to cheerleading and obtained almost perfect SAT scores. I made sure that I obtained a full scholarship to a great school (one that in today's world costs about $60k).

So what if I partied hard. I was still responsible and looked out after myself enough not to get into trouble and most importantly not to get pregnant.

It's the end results that count.

Teresa_kaz's picture

I agree it's normal behavior, what I don't like is how DH is reacting to it. SS has served alcohol in our home to other teens, and after we *thought* he got the message on this he and his friends got drunk and attended a school event. It's definitely typical teen stuff but being disrespected over and over again is frustrating. Gah - I can't wait until this kid is out of the house.

jumanji's picture


a) is he allowed to be unsupervised with friends at home


b) is alcohol apparently readily accessible when a) occurs?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

If your SS serves minors alcohol in your house and they go out and get hurt or hurt someone else, you are going to be sued civilly and possibly charged criminally.

Have you taken away all his electronics? If he is grounded but allowed to communicate with his friends - it is not really a punishment. If that doesn't work there is a school of thought that says to strip his room of everything but the essentials - and also remove the door. He earns his things back with good behavior.

Teresa_kaz's picture

He was in his room with his buddies, and a guy from work provided him with the booze. Needless to say his buddies aren't allowed over anymore and DH had a "discussion" with his boss. So the at home stuff has been addressed. Believe me, I am well aware that we could lose everything (including MY money) over this little a$$holes stupid decisions.

I love the discipline ideas but this isn't my kid and even though I've told DH how frustrated I am by this kid his attitude is 'it's ok will all be fine...we just need to work through this time". I'm so disappointed in my husband. That's really what I need to vent.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Wow. About a year ago my own brother called me in desperation because his son had been tossed in an ambulance by the police for being found in the street with basically alcohol poisoning. He was 17. Bro cried on my shoulder telling me the root of the problem was that he had "trusted" my nephew for far too long because he'd been a pretty stellar kid up to about 14 or 15 but then started exploiting the trust. Ultimately was thrown out of the school district for alcohol and marijuana issues.

So. Great. If your dh has no problem with getting that call from the police some godforsaken 2 am, then keep on the path he is.