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Didn't Take Long......

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I had SDstb13 brush her teeth at 830pm. We were both in a good mood. I haven't asked her to brush her teeth in 4 weeks, but DH is out of town. I was hoping SDstb13 would go to her room, wind down for the night. She's a sweet kid at times but is turning into a space cadet PITA lately.

I texted DH and asked him to text SDstb13 to remind her of bed time. It hasn't really been enforced much, but DH has asked her before to get in her room and lights out at 10:30pm. Trying to get ready for the school year. DH texted her around 9pm. I shouldn't have done it, but I opened the door and looked down the hall. No light under the door. I call her name down the stairs. Nothing. I walk down to the kitchen and open the basement door. Voila! We have light! It is 9:30pm and I am on fumes. I call out to SDstb13.


OK, maybe she has her earbuds in. I walk down the stairs which are extremely creaky. She MUST have her earbuds in, right? I turn the corner and she is halfway through a pint of Ben & Jerry's. LMAO Caught her "mid-spoon." She just brushed her teeth! I asked if DH had texted her to go to her room and lights out at 10:30pm? She almost played the dumb card but then muttered "yes." "So why are you down here? That was a half hour ago? DH and I are a team, SDstb13. Whatever he does, I know, and whatever I do, he knows. So I know he texted you about getting to your room. Get upstairs NOW."

((((((-commencing tree snail mode-)))))))

She says she has to come back for her stuff, the infamous iPod Touch and iPad. Oh no, you bring it NOW, you're not coming back down here again. I will stand by here and supervise to make sure you get this right. <----I actually said that. LOL

She gathers her stuff and I go up to the kitchen. A minute passes and I call out, "Hey I should be in bed now, move it." A little bit of a tude but not too much and she gets upstairs.

Then I did it. I even did it calmly with SD19 upstairs. I told SDstb13 to give me her iPod and (DH's) iPad, I was keeping them in my room tonight. Told her we need to get this bedtime routine under control, otherwise she'd be on the internet until 3am. It's too bad she's turning into a moron. I know, she'll thank me when she's older.

I talk to SD19 briefly in the hallway, tell her SDog was yellow, is still yellow after a bath, from peeing himself.....I notice the iPad has a password lock on it and the cover is missing. Um, this is DH's iPad and mine, too, for that matter. He moved onto tablets and notebooks and I got the iPad, but never used it. I go back to SDstb13 and tell her to make it NOT password protected, asking, "Isn't this Dad's iPad? And where's the cover?" Come to think of it, she's pulled the protective film off of the glass, too. I tell her not to lock it, ever, again, and when she gets her own, she can lock it, when she's 16. Maybe. I asked why she locked it. Duuuhhhh, I dunno. Blum 3

So the goods are in my room now. I will make this a nightly thing. Skids need boundaries, order and structure in their lives. If DH doesn't think I'm tired at the end of every day he is mistaken. He knows I am. Yet I was the parent for the past 1-1/2 years to this SDstb13 when she moved in FT. I did it for DH. So SDstb13 would be a better person for it. I helped her with school, she did great. Then puberty hit and the nuclear meltdown hit at the beginning of July. I disengaged then. I haven't done much in a month.

Are you kidding me? I just left my post to make sure the Skid brushed her teeth. I figured there might be a dry toothbrush. What?!?!?!

We just paid close to $5,000 for braces a few months ago. There is NO toothbrush in the bathroom. :? I go down the hall and calmy but firmly tell SDstb13 to brush her teeth. Remember she went into the bathroom at 8:30pm Uh huh......Stupid me, the SM.

She was at a sleepover the night before last and took her toothbrush. It hadn't made it out of her room since she returned last night?

So she didn't brush last night.
She didn't brush this morning.
And she didn't brush earlier at 8:30pm when I asked her to.

I told her DH would have to watch her brush her teeth. I always think I can trust this kid and she keeps letting me down. I should have been asleep in bed at 9pm but I am babysitting now at 10:15pm. I'm going to take her gadgets to work with me tomorrow. When DH texts her he won't be able to reach her. (She's in the bathroom now, I made her keep the door open. She's flossing and everything. LOLOL I used to work for a dentist too.)

Silly me for being played for a fool. Just like DH. Dammit.

~ Moon

Orange County Ca's picture

Quite a story. No boys in her life? That should give her the boost she needs to get cleaned up along with a slew of new problems.

Anon2009's picture

I think she'll thank you later on. You sound like a nice person trying to help her.

Is she in grief counseling to help her deal with BMs death? Maybe having someone to talk with about that would help her mood improve, which would help reduce the occurrences of situations like this.

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

I'm just REALLY pissed that we have sunk $5000 alone this year into her mouth and she's not taking care of it. Honestly, I feel evil.... }:) , I wanted to catch her doing wrong. I KNEW she was goofing off, but for the toothbrush to be GONE from the bathroom entirely? I was pissed that she did this to DH under HIS watch, playing him for the fool. I am VERY protective of my DH.

SDstb13 was acting strange all evening, cooped up in the bathroom after giving SDog a bath. She was in there for 30 minutes on her iPod Touch with the dog in there, claiming she was drying him. I guess she used SD19's towel lol.

This morning I looked on the MacBook, on the iMessage function, so I could see the texts between other family members. There's DH, texting a little after 9pm, telling SDstb13 to brush her teeth, get in her room and lights out by 10:30pm. The little shit texts back, "I already brushed my teeth." I almost left the damn MacBook in my room, but brought that to work, too, along with the keyboard to the desktop, two tablets, iPad and her iPod touch.

What else should I do with a kid who just lies like this and/or doesn't do what she's told? Basically, all she can or will do is eat and take a dump. That's it. Can't rely on showers to be taken, certainly can't expect teeth to be brushed even 1x a day, and I'm sure there's no bra or deodorant being worn. She is a tiny thing, late bloomer, her body is barely physically developed so she doesn't have zits, doesn't have B.O. yet, but I'm sure her mouth smells like a dumpster.

Why do kids pull this shit?
Is it because they are lazy?
Is it because they forget?
Is it because they think it doesn't matter?

Is it because they want attention because their BM died?

My feelings are really hurt and I only slept maybe 5 hours. At least I got that.
But damn if my gut instinct wasn't right on about that Skid. All I did was monitor her all evening, making sure things were done. I got let down every. damn. time.

I am spent now.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

We bought SDstb13 a shirt at Kohl's that says "YOU'RE SO FAKE, EVEN BARBIE IS JEALOUS!" LMAO Blum 3

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Orange, there is no interest in boys. My SDs are both about 6 years behind in the brain dept., so SD19 has just really gotten interested in boys the past couple of years. Sdstb13 is a girl, but not a girly girl, and she is almost neutral when it comes to male/female as far as how she looks.....I guess I say this because she doesn't wash herself, doesn't brush her hair, doesn't clean crud off of her glasses....she sounds more like a boy in that aspect! (No offense, lol.) She just doesn't care about how she looks right now. Food in mouth and butt on bowl and that's all she can really do. SDstb13 probably won't like boys until she's 16, but if she keeps this up, she'll be made fun of at school for not taking care of herself. I'm kinda hoping her friends call her out on it this school year. They are so much more mature than Skid is.

Step, I have thought about doing the password thing every night, but SD19 is taking online classes. Too much confusion right now without DH's help, but you'd better bet I'm going to look into it. I was going to keep her items on the kitchen table last night to have her start adhering to bedtime. Then I caught her in the basement eating the ice cream, and then the lying about the teeth brushing...that's why everything is with me at work. SHE LIVES ON THE INTERNET. DH is on it all of the time as well, he is not setting a good example, but he DOES go to work every day and clean up after himself, does chores around the house, so I figure he is entitled somewhat lol.

TGIHB, how far away are you from school? And how long will DH be out of town at a time? Few days? An entire week? Will you just leave Piglet at home if she's late and not getting up on time? Also, I experience the same pain when I hear stoopid SD19 having a conversation with DH. Just dumb stuff, like a 10yo would discuss, lol.

Sally, I blame it on technology as well. We have a huge yard that is fenced for our pups and SDstb13 never goes out there. SDstb13 sits inside on her iPod Touch all day and she is getting stranger and stranger.

DH just called from his trip and said that the history is cleared from his Google account. I guess every time I used the laptop at home, it opened up automatically under his account. Didn't know that. He said I could have SDstb13 help me to sign in under MY account when I get home. Yeah, RIGHT. He still has no clue what went down and he is in store for a stressful day out of town due to work. He won't be able to reach SDstb13 later because I have her gadget. Oh well. But you should SEE her teeth! LMAO

~ Moon

Delilah's picture

I think disengagement can only go successfully IF the skids behaviour is not personally affecting you and your home. In this instance I would also take her electronics off of her at 7pm, lock them away, not allow her to use YOUR electronics if she cannot be trusted with them (she should be asking also, if she doesnt then alll her rights regarding your property is taken away). I would make it clear to DH that sd13 had lied several times and to several people over not brushing her teeth, the reason why I would choose to become involved is because if your finances contributed to sd13 braces then you have a right to a say. Personally I would have made it crystal clear to both dh and sd13 that should she not take care of her $5000 braces by maintaining her mouth hygiene then YOU will not be paying for further work or replacements. At age 13 she is way old enough to be responsible for her braces, especially at that rip off cost!!

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

DH called me at work today to tell me about his trip. I didn't mention the issues with SD from last night. Later in the day he called again, and as we were getting ready to say goodbye he asked about me taking all of SD13's electronics. I didn't even get to finish telling him about all of the lies she had told last night. He needed his cell for GPS in an unfamiliar area. He just said something like, "Well, handle it right," with a big burst of enthusiasm or positivity or whatever. He was kissing my ass. I told him HE and I had to talk and enforce some house rules for SD13.

Fast forward to now....I've been home a half hour, so tired from short sleep last night. SD13 is in her room and SDog is sitting outside her door. I tell her to go give him food because he wouldn't eat this morning. I feel sorrier for SDog than I do SD13. DH sends me a text ...
DH: Will you give SD13 her stuff back, maybe have a good talk with her?
ME: Her stuff is at work. YOU need to have talk with her.
DH: I'm not there.....Help.
ME: Call me for a few minutes
DH: Bring it back tomorrow. I will call her after dinner.
ME: I'm off tomorrow (not going to office to get SD13's things)

Every week since early July, SD13 has been a pain. It just rolls off of DH for the most part. In May, I took her stuff for 5 days. In early July it was 10 days. This time I want it to be 15 days. She goes to sleep-over camp on Monday and I don't even want those days to count. So maybe Sept. 1st?

I can't believe that DH is already begging me to give her stuff back! He just doesn't get it. A kid should NOT be allowed to lie over and over. Lies in May were about homework, lies in early July were when she said she showered and just left the water running. A few weeks ago she lied about vacuuming. There have been weekends she has slept until 2pm when DH has been around, running errands!

So MANY lies yesterday. I hate disrespect and dishonesty. We've had this talk with her twice in the past few weeks. There is no way I can give her stuff back right away. It will be worse the next time. Right now until the first report cards come out, she'll be on the internet all day, or texting friends during class once school starts. Thank goodness this is an iPod Touch and not on our cell phone plan, although that might be easier because we could use the parental controls.

I just don't know what to do. This kid is an idiot and turning into a monster. I even had a good talk with her yesterday about the iPhone charger issue with her sister, SD19. I stuck up for SD13 and made sure she got paid back for money she spent on her own charger. I will get that money from SD19 to pay myself back. So, I have shown this Skid that I can be fair, but I am tough when it comes to lack of responsibility. I'm not afraid of caving in with DH and giving her stuff back, I'm just so frustrated that he still doesn't get it.

He just doesn't think it matters. What about ME? I'm getting lied to left and right, and so are you, DH. Ugh.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

SD13 came and knocked on my door wondering what was happening and how long I would keep her things. I talked gently with her for about ten minutes. She said she was working on not lying. Whatever. DH has spoken to her a few short times this evening, he and I have just texted. I told SD13 that she wouldn't see her things until she got back from camp on the 15th. I told her to start being responsible and stop lying to me and DH. I basically did what any good parent would do.

Except it should be my DH doing it! He's out of town.

I texted DH and let him know that he needed to step up, that everyone in this house needs more of his time and all he does is watch sports, shit and snore when he's here, lol. I explained to DH that there are no real boundaries set for this Skid because he does nothing to enforce them. She is going to get a schedule and a chore list, etc. I told him I can't keep living with a Skid who lies and then thinks she's going to get her shit back from me the next day!

SD13 went downstairs and slammed a door, new for her. I went to let the dogs out and she was in the kitchen crying. I told her it would all work out. So here I am looking like the bad guy. But dammit, I'm fair! If I have to parent my damn DH next, that's what I'll do. He needs to get on board already.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Taking the day off from work today since SD19 is at the beach. She has managed to use 6GB of our data plan in 2 weeks on her cell phone. She had mentioned that her wifi was turned off for awhile and she didn't notice.

Oh, is that so?

I was blaming DH for using up our data when he went to teach classes. I just looked back at the last phone bill which had a $45 overage fee tacked onto it. I looked at SD19's usage. Yep, 9GB for her and 6GB on three other devices combined. Let's see, $45 for the overage plus almost $20 for the charger SD13 had to buy on her own because SD19 broke 3 of them.....That makes $65 -- transaction complete. I just transferred it out of her savings into my checking account to cover MY costs for her being irresponsible. That plus the $35 upgrade fee on your new iPhone? That makes $100 coming out of your savings. DH just tells me to do it. }:) I'm fair, but she is clueless. SD19 is well on her way to having another $45 overage fee on the next phone bill. I'm in charge of all of the finances. DH looks at balances and activity, but I make sure the bills get paid.

I'm going to have SD13 clean her room today before she goes away to camp. You know since she has nothing else to do without use of the internet, She was crying a little last night when I was speaking with her and I asked her to chime in. She said that all of a sudden she's gone and her friends won't know where she is via text. I told her it's not like she got hit by a bus and will be gone forever. Her friends will live. I said that you're going to camp on Monday and you'll meet new friends for the week, you will have fun and be distracted from what is going on right now with the internet not being available.

She got weird earlier before our talk when I let the dogs out. She was up in her room and started "scratching" at her screen above my head while I was out back. She was pressing very hard. Looked like a cry for attention, since she could hear me outside talking to the dogs. I called up to her and asked her not to mess with the screen. It looked like she was just trying to be an ass and puncture the screen. I turned on my video and went up to her door, asking what she had done. She claimed it was her finger. I think it was a blue plastic object and she was trying to put a big hole in the screen. I will check it out later when I go in there.

She is a full-on idiot at this point. No DH or SD19 in the house with her until SD19 returns Sunday. Enjoy!

OK, so I feel sorry for SDog. He has been locked in a belly band for three weeks because no one pays any attention to him. I put a new belly band on him myself this morning only for the second time, because DH is gone. The band is stiff, so SDog can't tuck his legs under when he is going down the stairs. He does this sideways hop thing. He ended up gaining too much momentum and almost fell backwards down the stairs, kicking his legs up over his head. So, I have him in my room without a belly band on. If you have the doors shut and you watch him, he won't mark anything. The Skids just don't get this. I may make this part of SD13's routine for after school. Homework in your room with the door shut and SDog in there with you. He would love it. SDog wouldn't eat yesterday morning or this morning. He's getting porky for a small dog so it's ok by me. His belly bands are too damn tight on him now! LOL I should make SD13 walk him today and bond with her own dog that she's had since she was 3.

~ Moon

ETA: TGIHB, I agree with DHs not parenting or spending quality time. I just told DH last night that he needs to be more involved. Dammit, I'll make him a schedule, too, lol! He spends no time with the Skids. Ten minutes at dinner and then he watches sports or falls asleep. SD19 will come watch sports with him, but not much else happens. I know he is tired from his promotion, but how do you think I felt before I tried disengaging? I guess disengaging is a little pushed off to the side this weekend since I will be parenting SD13. Oooh I can have her scoop poop outside, too! }:)

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Sally, I will be taking gadgets after dinner once school starts, so the problem will be solved. }:)

Thanks, Twizz.... SD13 and I ate lunch together today. I had a pizza delivered and let her pick toppings for her half, lol. She enjoyed that and then said she needed to shower. **I heard angels singing!** I directed traffic today, telling her to get this, do that, check the SDog....things she should be able to do on her own, but she still needs prodding with. It worked out ok. She wants to go to Walmart to get things for camp next week. Her sister took all of the sunblock to the beach, so SD13 wants to get some.

I will tell her she needs to pack her bags FIRST and then figure out what she needs so we only make one trip. I'm not going back and forth to the store all weekend.

Twizz, now that I think of it, SD13 knows a couple of her friends' phone numbers. She just wanted her stuff back. Not happening. If she needed to talk to her friends so badly, she would have asked to use the landline by now.

~ Moon

BarkAtTheMoon's picture

So I took SD13 to Walmart today and we shopped for school supplies. She just followed me around like a shadow, clueless. She doesn't even know what math class she's going into. She got tons of markers and highlighters and folders. I had the list from the school and cut the numbers short on a few things because she will never use them. Her backpack became a trash bin last year for handouts at school and she couldn't keep track of anything.

So school supplies are on one side of the store and food is all the way on the opposite end. We get to the food section and she asks if she can look at the books for sale. I tell her no, because we're on my time and its hot in here and I want to get home. The books are all the way back over where we started, by the school supplies. So she tries to make up reasons for going to look at the book section.

SD13: I want to go look at the books.
ME: We're not going back over there, we're on my time right now, shopping for YOU. Everything in this cart is for camp and school. Look at all of it. Besides, you'll have plenty of books to read when school starts in 2 weeks. Bwahahahah! }:)
SD13: But how will I know what to ask for for my birthday?
ME: You can look up the books online and figure it out. bad, you don't HAVE internet right now. Doh!
SD13: **crickets**
ME: We're not going over there.

I've never denied her even a little "window shopping," before but I kept it in my mind that she was grounded, yet I had a cart full of crap for her. I ended up spending about $85 on the Skid. I purposely did not look for swim goggles. She said she couldn't find hers, and I figured if she EVER cleaned out the bottom of her closet, they would turn up. She didn't need them last week for her chlorine bath, so she wasn't going to get them for camp. Esp with the summer ending. When we got home, I saw her walk into the house with her wallet in her hand. She had tried to hide it earlier. She seems to think its ok if she's paying, but nope if you're grounded, you can't even go look, I say.

After we shopped, SD13 packed. At a breakneck snail's pace. I interrupted her three times to tell her she had to vacuum. She brought the vacuum up to her room, still had the suitcase open and things all over the floor.

ME: Why did you bring the vacuum up here?
SD13: Huh?
ME: You need to vacuum downstairs, on the main level, the entire thing. Like you do every weekend.
SD13: Oh......
ME: And make sure you pull the chairs out and get under the tables, too. Empty the canister before you start.
SD13 starts the vacuum a minute later, I go down and stop her.
ME: Did you empty the canister? It looks full.
SD13: Oh, I forgot.....

So, I helped and even had to cut hair off of the brush roll. I told her since she saw me do it, she could clear the brush roll next time. }:)
She was good, was even wiping crud off of the kitchen floor at one point. She'll do what she's told but usually can't remember what to do without prodding.

LOL, a friend of hers called my cell from her mother's cell and invited SD13 to her birthday party next weekend. I didn't even let SD13 speak with her. Turns out the friend was texting her (I could see it on iMessage) and not having any luck. }:)

I opened the door to SD19's room, unfortunately. SD13 thought older sis took her bath towel. Underwear all over the floor and two of our nice coffee mugs on her nightstand. With teabags in them stuck at the bottom. One was a gift to me from a co-worker. SD19 has been away since Thursday, so its been nice without her loud self parked here on the couch. Looks like she took one of my good beach towels without asking. From inside my master closet. I would have let her borrow it, but I preferred that she asked. She went in my damn room?!

So, I'm dreading speaking to SD19 about the coffee mugs and beach towel. She and I will be here alone next week with DH still gone and SD13 at camp. DH would let these little things go but I kind of see it as an "opportunity" to speak with her, hash it out and finally try to put her in her place. She'll get snooty and bitch me out, I'm sure. I'll get extremely angry at her being disrespectful. Either that or she'll give me a short indifferent reply. I guess at that point I could ask the "What the fuck is wrong with you?" like Twizzler suggested lol. Then she'll talk down to me and berate me. I guess I could just remind her that she pays for NOTHING in this house, lives here for free and her attitude will no longer be tolerated. She'll cry and try to storm off to her room, having the last word. At that point I should just let her have it. I will tell her I am tired of the disrespect she shows towards all of us, esp when I hardly ever talk to her, and I will put her phone on parental controls. She whines to DH, she treats me like a piece of shit and talks to me like a bullying school girl, and she uses her sister when it benefits her, i.e. iPhone chargers lol. My stomach hurts just thinking about the role playing, but all of this time I have waited for her to grow up or for DH to discipline her. Neither has happened.

My turn. }:) }:) }:)

Any input on bitchy, potentially ODD teen girls would be appreciated. I need to shock the shit out of her. Thanks!

~ Moon