DH upset with ME?
As I mentioned in another post yesterday, I told DH yesterday that I was concerned about SD15 trying out for captain of color guard. I explained that the way she has been the last year, it seems her only motive to be captain is so that the girls HAVE TO listen to her! He kind of agreed, but then tried to say, "But you know she has always been a natural leader!" WTH? Where on earth does he get that from? Seems to me if she were a "leader" she wouldn't have followed in the plan to drink alcohol before a dance recital at school, and thus would not have been caught with alcohol at school in 7th grade. She would have not followed into the pot-smoking crowd that got her in trouble, not just once, but twice! She wouldn't be "holding e-cigs" for friends! WTH? She wouldn't be putting on all these fake acts depending on who she is around, to please those who she is with. She is NOT a leader! Bossy? Yeah, I would agree with that, because if there has ever been anyone around weaker than she, she will boss them around like crazy! I remember in elementary school, the teachers were so concerned about SD15 not having friends and commenting about how bossy she was.
But now DH is upset with me because I also pointed out that NO ONE had discussed any of this with me, and I know from the whole guard experience this year that there are certain things EXPECTED of the mom of the guard captain, and personally, I don't have the time to do all that crap (and surely do not have the interest due to how SD15 treats me). I told him I would not be EXPECTED to run bake sale fundraisers, or make bows, or make t-shirts, or anything like that...and with BS19 going into college and possibly needing to help him out there, I surely will not be finding money to fund these little endeavors for the whole squad, as it seems the parents of the captain get stuck paying for all kinds of stuff...the materials to make bows for the entire squad, pizza and sodas for parties, etc. Oh HELL no!
So now he is upset with me, claiming I did x, y, and z for BD23 and BS19 over the years and now I don't want to do for SD15. Ummm...NOTHING that either BD23 or BS19 involved as much time or money, and they weren't trying out to be the "social butterfly" of the group! Yeah, BS19 was voted by his peers to be one of the 4 captains of the football team, but guess what...all that meant was that he needed to lift up and motivate the other team members! It didn't mean we had to throw pizza parties for the entire line or anything like that! And he is upset with me for not just rolling over and doing things that no one ever bothered to ASK me if I would mind doing? That I was just going to do it? Oh hell no! I don't work like that!
I'm so praying the girl doesn't make captain...for the sanity of this house, and for the sake of the other girls! SD15 just figured out what song she is doing her routine to last night, and try-outs are Friday. I am so hoping she doesn't make it! If she does, I have a feeling there will be more and more tension between DH and I.
EXACTLY!!! If he had any clue
EXACTLY!!! If he had any clue how much work will get thrown on him if she makes captain, he would be thinking twice about it all. Not to mention, I've already put the brakes on spending with regards to SD15 after I did an analysis of the budget, and realized that after his portion of the bills and his personal "expenses", DH is in the red to me...I'm making up the difference, and any extras that SD15 has been getting is coming out of MY money! Sorry, I'm not financially responsible for this brat! If he wants all these funds found for this and that for her, he better get to finding! If it means a second job, if it means making BM actually pay her share, I don't care! I'm done funding this brat! She has no respect for me, for my home, anything!
Yup! DH adopted my kids,
Yup! DH adopted my kids, which in fact made him equally responsible. However, truth told, he really only volunteered for one thing for each of them. He volunteered to help chaperone the band trip one year for BD23 (it was to Disney, so he wasn't about to let me go by myself and leave him at home...BTW...ALL the money was raised by the band and the boosters for that trip, and parents were not required to pay anything for them). And with all the Project Graduation activities this year, DH helped stuff bags for the 5K...that's it! I'm a board member, so I have two meetings a month, and have been at nearly every activity (which we have had about one a month). Oh, and asked his boss if the company would make a donation on behalf of BS19...while I've been on the phone with complete strangers soliciting donations!
Sure, DH went to football games, but mostly only after BS19 made varsity...he missed most of his middle school and freshmen games. For the 3 years that BS19 was in varsity, DH NEVER participated in a Wednesday night team dinner (which parents were only asked to contribute an item, like a loaf of garlic bread). He has never been to any of BS19's theater performances, and he has been to 1 track meet. When BD23 was in band, he didn't make any concerts or performances! But if I for any reason don't want to go to something SD15 is in, I'm a bad person, and I catch hell for it! Sorry...he can't have it both ways...saying I don't treat SD15 like my own, when he didn't treat BD23 or BS19 the same, even though he adopted them as his own! If he gets on anyone about lack of participation, he should be on BM, not me!
BM is "around", but she never
BM is "around", but she never leaves her house. She tried to the other day for her own brother's wedding, and supposedly became ill! She stays in her little house, spending most of her day in bed because of this thing or that thing...most of which is in her mind. I'm actually amazed that her husband stays married to her...I'm sure he's doing who knows what with who knows who and she is fine as long as he leaves her alone, but you would think he would get tired of spending money to support her butt! An old friend of hers lives with them as a "nanny"...can't think what man who used to be in the military would want that for his life, but his choice! Yeah, she doesn't even take care of her 4 year old (nearly 5) son that lives with her!
Actually, it was MORE learned
Actually, it was MORE learned by BM, but DH didn't help matters! SD15's whole life, BM would push DH's buttons to get what she wanted with regards to SD15. More money? Threaten DH! Doesn't want to do pickup of drop-offs of SD15 during visits? Threaten DH that he will NEVER see SD15 if he didn't do it! SD15 wanted something that wasn't in their budget? Bully DH into finding a way to buy it. This has been SD15's whole life, and she learned well!
Wonder how summer band will work out in August without someone to drop her off at 8:00 a.m. and pick her up at noon? Guess SD15 should start trying to make a friend with someone who has a car! I got stuck with that job this last summer...band never let out when it was supposed to! I was actually getting in trouble with my boss. Yes, I work from home, when when my boss pings me on the interoffice messenger, I better respond quick!
You commented before, "Not my
You commented before, "Not my daughter, not my problem." Yet, now you're upset that DH isn't consulting you? Take your pick. You can't have the attitude that it's not any of your business but you want a say in it any way.
I'm upset that it is EXPECTED
I'm upset that it is EXPECTED and ASSUMED of me, and then when I bring up that I won't just do this thing after SD15 has already committed to something, DH gets mad at me! At least if the discussion happened up front, SD15 may not be allowed to commit to the crap. See, what will happen is, he will allow SD15 to do stuff...like color guard...and then when it comes down to the requirements behind it, he will have some excuse why he can't do it (work or whatever), and then we end up in a huge fight because I say I won't do it, and I get everything possible thrown in my face, then he gets his mom or someone to do it instead, and then everyone is treating me like crap because I just won't cave and be the "good mom"!
The only "consulting" I want is when it involves my home and my time. Sorry, don't just invite people over to MY home (yes, I live here too), without asking me if it is okay, which DH does with the boyfriend and SD15's friends all the time. See, if the boyfriend isn't here, SD15 just hibernates in her room, and I get to enjoy my own home. When the boyfriend or any other friend is here, DH insists that they have to be in the living room watching movies and what not...so I lose my own house as I get stuck being the one to have to hibernate to my bedroom if I want to watch anything that isn't teeny-popper crap! Also, with this guard crap, where do you think they will want to have the sleep-overs or parties? Of course, it will be yet another reason SD15 will spout as to why she needs BS19's room before his bed is even cold when he leaves for college (which I'm not moving all my son's stuff out so she can have a bigger room to trash). And who will clean up the mess after such "parties"...as it is, the trash doesn't go out unless I do it or pitch a fit, SD15 leaves her crap all over my house until I get on DH's case about it, SD15 and DH don't even do their own dishes half the time unless I say something about it. And I'm supposed to allow my home to be used for parties? Oh HELL no! I shouldn't be forced to live in a sty because of them!
I also think, if he were really concerned about SD15, at the very least he would let me know if she is coming straight home from school or not. It is just plain irresponsible for him to not let me know. I mean, what if she were supposed to be right home, but instead, she took off with someone else, and by the time DH gets home at 6 or maybe even 7, she is already long gone somewhere? At least if I know she is supposed to be home, when she doesn't show, I can text him and let him know he needs to start hunting down his child!
Yup yup!
Yup yup!
Well, today is captain
Well, today is captain try-outs. I am so praying she doesn't get it! Not just because I don't want to deal with DH trying to guilt me into doing crap, but because I really would feel sorry for the squad if SD15 is the captain! She wants CONTROL of the squad so that they have to listen to her...she has said this herself! Not the right reason for wanting to be captain, and I hope the director can see through her fakeness to her real agenda! Color guard will be a disaster if she is captain! Winter guard excelled after SD15 quit, that should tell you something about the drama she was causing, and how it was affecting everyone. The ONLY reason she is even in guard right now is because the band director forced her to spend the remainder of the school year in guard (even though she was not allowed back in to the winter guard show), because she does not know how to play any instruments...so she was just standing around the band hall. THAT is when SD15 decided that she was going for captain saying very specifically to DH, "If I'm captain, they will have to do what I tell them!" Since then, she has been buttering up to the band director, tattling on the other girls whenever she gets a chance. According to SD15, the band director TOLD HER that at least one of the girls trying out of captain was being kicked out of band, and that he regrets making the current captain the captain of the squad. Am I the only one thinking that it is inappropriate for the band director to be telling SD15 that, if it is true what SD15 is saying (as she has a habit of lying)?
I know it may be mean, but I will be sitting here waiting to hear those glorious words, "I didn't make captain!" I know she will be in rare form if she doesn't make it...may even quit guard altogether if she doesn't make it...but a month of her pouting about it sure beats her walking around like she is better than the world and complaining about the rest of the guard not doing what she says the entire next school year.
No word on try-out results
No word on try-out results yet...they probably have to deliberate a bit and will announce next week. DH said that SD15 is supposedly going with the guard to another area high school to help with a competition. Hit me as soon as he said that...state winter guard competitions were last weekend for all levels...officially ending the season! I looked on the calendar for the school she said she was going to, and there is only baseball and softball on the schedule! Something fishy! Friday night...suddenly hanging out with the squad outside of school hours which she hasn't done since she tried to quit? Something doesn't seem right...but I'll let DH deal with it!
I asked DH weeks ago if he
I asked DH weeks ago if he wanted to help out with the talent show tomorrow the project grad is hosting...BS19 has to work and can't do volunteer hours for points, but we can volunteer and earn him points. DH wasn't interested in helping. Well, SD15 tells him TONIGHT that she needs to be up there to be in the talent show with the guard, and now he suddenly wants to work the event, but only if he can sneak in while SD15 is performing. Really? I ask you to come help get points for BS19 and it's no, but the princess begs you to come see her perform, and you jump? He has no plans for tomorrow! He should have already been planning in being there on BS19's behalf, and when SD15 told him about the performance tonight be able to say, "okay...I'll be there anyway working!"
It will be interesting to see how many volunteer hours he puts in when SD15 is a senior...bet he tries to get her as many project grad points as possible! He is already trying to say I need to be on the board again when SD15 is a senior to make sure her class' is as good as BS19's class...so far, the 2014 class has been the most successful in the history of this school doing project grad. I didn't do it all myself...sheesh! That said, why can't he serve on the board? I've done this for both BD23's class and BS19's class! He can't do it one year? There is no rule that says it has to be mom's on the board! Sorry, after June 6th, I'm done with project grad! Maybe I'll work one event and ask for one donation when SD15 is a senior, seeing that is all DH on BS19's behalf, his adopted son!
That's okay...BS19 knows who
That's okay...BS19 knows who has his back! He got his official acceptance letter today...it's all getting real to him! I don't think I've seen any kid so excited about college!