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A delicate question--more general parenting but slightly step

northernsiren's picture

So now SD lives with us, yay!!!! I want to ask a delicate question though about feminine hygiene. SD got her period last year, and has always been taking care of it herself, i.e. bringing pads from moms. I brought her grocery shopping with me last weekend, and casually asked her if she needed anything from that aisle of the store. She said yes, and brought back a big thing of pads.

She's 15 yrs old. I think pads are GROSS!!!! Messy, and a recipe for a clothing disaster. I had the unfortunate luck of having to tell SD that "I think she sat in something" one day when she stood up from being on the couch for a while and had blood spots on the rear end of her jeans (thank god not on my beige couch). I know my mom started me on pads, but I from the getgo thought they were gross and switched to tampons pretty much right away. Plus I was on swim team, so....

So do I talk to her about this? Ask her if that's her preference, or something like 'if you want to talk about other options, let me know?" She knows I use tampons, they're in the drawer right next to her pads. Or do I just leave it alone and let her figure this out for herself? Like one day she might just grab one and switch herself, no intervention needed (that's what I did).

We have a great relationship but this is kind of a personal topic, and I don't want her to be uncomfortable, I already am, but am willing to do what's best...

Thank you!!!

sarahbernheart's picture

to ask her if anyone has talked to her about tampons, I know my mom never told me about them, I found out from friends.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

northernsiren's picture

Someone had posted something godawful about their SD being let's just say VERY irresponsible with them. I don't think SD would do that though.

She's very active in sports and stuff, so I would just think she'd be more comfortable for her in that regard....

Thanks for responding Sarah, I appreciate your advice and experience!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sita Tara's picture

However when she had the talks at school BM told DH that she would handle all discussions "because I am A NURSE and will tell it properly (funny since I had to tell him to let BM know she needed to take SD bra shopping after living here with her a few months because her mom hadn't noticed SD needed one.)

DH wanted to tell her he didn't know you needed a degree for that. I laughed and told him, "Well I am a woman who has had periods so I think I'm qualified but we will let SD ask who she wants to ask." Guess who? Sita the amazing keeper of all things maternal!

Anyway, SD had a brief talk with BM put was put off by the nurse jargon so she reverted back to me. She also freaked b/c BM told her she wouldn't even do pads just right to tampons. SD wasn't comfortable with that, so I told her that she could start with pads then make the switch if and when she wanted to (and I wasn't excited about tampons for a girl still having bedwetting issues who didn't throw the goodnights away, or remember to brush her teeth, go to the bathroom before bed etc- Toxic shock anyone?)

SD made the switch to tampons to swim. I had to tell her how to use it b/c BM never did. And in the beginning I made sure to ask her if she could feel the tampon or if it was uncomfortable, and let her know that meant she hadn't put it in far enough (I remember being scared of things like that at that age). And once I shared that she did fine with them and prefers them.

Just ask her if she needs anything besides pads. From the sounds of BM, she may have not given the option to save money.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

StepG's picture

When I was young my mom used pads and that is what she gave us to use. She did not like tampons and never bought them and told us we should not use them. It was not until I left for college that I began wearing tampons. Somedays At night I will often times wear both so no accident on my bed will occur. However I all in all prefer a tampon. So ask SD does she want to try them. If she needs help on how to do them just be honest and explain the weirder you feel about it the weirder she will be I think. Then if she does not like them then so be it. As of now you are the full time female figure in her life and the one who will address these things with her. Your so sweet to be worried on how to approach this. Who knows she may wonder but does not know how to ask...

northernsiren's picture

to acclimate. Maybe the next time she puts them on the grocery list (she got the big pack) I'll ask her. Summer will be coming at that point too, and maybe she'll be thinking in terms of bathing suits.

I do appreciate the encouragement, nobody talked to me about any of this either, my mom just told me I needed to use pads, and that was it, figure the rest out for myself. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.

I definitely don't want to throw too much change at her at once though, she started her new school today! I do want to give her options though, and this will be one of them Smile

sarahbernheart's picture

that she know that changing them is extremely important and I think girls who are self aware would use them properly, and education is important too.
I am only 44 but ya know my mom did not talk to me about ANYTHING until it happened I was so LOST, I thought it was a curse (yeah can you believe it) I felt I should have been born in 1940...
I would have loved to have you as a mom or stepmom you rock girl!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

northernsiren's picture

I would never want to introduce her to something without the knowledge to take care of herself and be safe Smile

Oh and I can relate, my family told me nothing about anything, might as well have been a curse for me too. Thanks sweetie, I get the bonus of being the "cool" tattooed artsy mom, so it allows me to reach kids more directly b/c I'm not the typical mom, so they don't have a preconcieved expectation of who I am and what I'm going to do....:)

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

sarahbernheart's picture

whatever you do will be the right thing, you are very empathetic and I think that will come across to SD.
No worries you got it going on!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

bellacita's picture

and then say "hey, would u like to try tampons? theyre so much more comfortable and convenient!" my mom used pads but had a box of tampons under the sink and one day i just tried them...took me awhile to get them rite though! but i didnt ask mom for help...just kinda did it. ive been using them since i was younger than ur SD and as long as u caution her about leaving them in too long, it'll be fine.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

FallingfromGrace's picture

My mom used pads and we were never told there was another option. I learned about it from a girlfriend.
I would just talk to her about it and explain the positive side of tampons - but leave her the choice. She is going to hear from other girls in school anyway...it is better getting the advice from you. I know I would have appreciated it when I was younger..
She is lucky to have you!!!

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

sunshine's picture

5 including me! I like both, pads and tampons. WHen my girls started I introduced them to pads. I just wasnt comfortable with their young age to start them on tampons. Now that they are older and share their stories with girlfriends and realized tampons was an option, they did ask me if I would buy them. So that was the starting point for me. I have been very open with the girls and made them read the instructions and precaution in the box.

I also have expressed to them on lighter days that maybe a pad would not be so bad. Not to be gross or anything, but I always feel better knowing I am allowing my body to get rid of "it" rather then it being inside. Does that make sense without being to graphic. The girls understand and agree and doing just that.

Now on a funnier note. the girls are old enough to express to me when they need these items. I dont go around asking each one what they need. Well one of my SD's was stealing my daughters products and BD got really mad because they all use particular ones, sports, plastic, blah blah blah. Well I told my husband that SD needed to stop taking and ask. He did not understand the problem since we are all girls and have to have the same thing until I explained that those are our personal products like deo and underwear.. Just so happened that kroger had this huge sale on pads and tampons of ALL kinds. I BOUGHT THE entire display rack. ALmost two buggies full. Filled up the back of my trunk, came home and sorted them out and gave the girls so many boxes apiece and my husband thought I was crazy. But hey they are supplied for what i calculate to be whole a YEAR!!

bellacita's picture

u haulin 2 huge carts of feminine hygiene products!! too funny!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

sunshine's picture

My mom works there and had them all ready to go for me. I think she was the one embarrassed since her co workers wondered what the hell she was doing when she just had a hysterectomy. Pads and Tampons are flowing from all closets in my house!

bellacita's picture

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

sparky's picture

A side step on the subject. Quite a few military guys have been saved in Iraq because of tampons. They used the tampons to stop up bullet wounds to keep the guy from bleeding to death. It got started because a wife sent a tampon to her husband every month to demonstrate to him that she was not pregnant and on the tampon. As a fluke the recipient put it in his shirt pocket before he went on a mission one day and used it when his friend got hit.

Serena's picture

Northernsiren, was right on. Just let her know there are other options and that you would be more than happy to talk to her about them when she's ready.

anita...sigh's picture

My solution to the tampon/pad issue was to purchase small teen tampons and put them with the pads. Someone has tried them, the box is open and some are missing. That way, if they want, they could try them without having to ask me to buy some. After that, I just kinda keep an eye out, if they are being used, I buy more.

The kids are a bit older now so I am starting to get the odd request for specific pads/tampson, etc.

Good Luck Smile

We all smile in the same language