College Student Comes home
I'm in an odd situation and being made to feel horrible. We have been together for almost 8 years, have not married nor officially moved in together. I've met his children (who are now 18 and 20) a few times, as we do not live in close proximity. His 20 year old daughter came back from college when the pandemic broke out and went to her mother's place. The daughter and mother are not seeing eye to eye and she reached out to her father (my significant other). I've recently moved from the East coast of FL to the West coast , and the significant other has been spending most of his time with me (he lives most of the time on the East Coast). Unbeknownst to me, he told his daughter if the tension got too bad, she could come over here and stay not thinking she'd take him up onit....well, she did. He sprung that on me and within just a few hours drive across the state to get her. My home is very small and I already have two young children who live with me. There is not an extra bedroom or bath. Nonetheless, I didn't speak a word when I learned what he offered her. Again, I barely know this girl. He tells me it will just be for a few nights. Long story short, it was almost for 3 weeks. She started out on a mattress in my living room, but this girl sleeps all day and it was becoming too much to try and tip-toe and keep quite until she woke. My significant other then asked after a few nights if I minded her sleeping in our room on the floor. I was hesitant, but agreed thinking it was going to be just another night or two. It went on for 2 weeks. She stays up all night, lights on uses my bathroom in my room in and out, letting animals in each time. It was exhausting. Again.... she sleeps until 3pm most days so I didn't feel like I could even go into my bedroom once I woke for the day, not to mention our privacy was no more. She also likes to shower late at night and a few times I got up to use my bathroom in the middle of the night, I had to walk across the house bc she was occupying my bathroom. I never got angry, kept thinking she's leaving any day..... again, after almost 3 weeks, he drove back to her Mother's bc it was Mother's Day. 3 days later she calls and wants to come back to stay again. This time, I put my foot down. I told my sig other there needed to be house rules and boundaries. She could come, but would have to sleep in the dining room NOT in our bedroom. I also said she must use the hall bath, not our bath located in our bedroom. Again, I really don't know this person and it became extremely uncomfortable to have his 20 year old daughter sleeping in our room for nearly 3 weeks! I also told him he needed to have a talk with her about sleeping all hours of the day when she's a guest in someone's home. The lights on all night and the tip -toeing until 3pm in the afternoon was not something I was willing to do.We ended up in a huge fight and he took her to a hotel in Naples for nearly 2 weeks bc he said he was not going to impose these rules on his daughter who is already having a tough time with this pandemic, having to Leave college and fighting with her mother.... he told me this was his daughter and I should't be behaving this way....advice??? Am I crazy? Am I being too harsh?
If my husband had made an executive decision to
Move someone to stay in our home without discussing with me first (discussing doesn’t mean making an executive decision first that sd is moving in and telling me last minute and trying to guilt me to give in to it), disregarding my or my kids privacy, boundaries and comfort with someone we do not know and hubby barely knows himself thanks to bio mums alienation, i would ask hubby “if you want your dic* to fall off”
no way would I tolerate that and lucky that my husband since 2+ years ago does not do this.
there are times he is back to offering sd’s to come on a family holiday rtc knowing full well how disrespectful they are and my answer is a big fat HELL NO!!!
The only crazy thing you did
The only crazy thing you did was to put up with this without saying a word for weeks on end. Unexpected visitors are not ok in my house. I need to be asked and equally I check with my husband if I want someone to come over when he going to be at home. To invite her to live in your house during a pandemic without any consultation and to let her behave in such a way and then get her to sleep first in your living room and then on your bedroom floor is just beyond ridiculous.
Stick to your guns and let him stay with her at the hotel or take her back to his own house. You and your kids deserve to be able to enjoy your home.
If you still doubt yourself, just tell this tale to anyone in your life and they will tell you the same thing. This woman could live in her mother's house, her father's house, any other relative, friend or just get her own place. She does not need to stay at your house.
Your Bf is a rude ar*seh*le
Your Bf is a rude ar*seh*le to just randomly invite his adult DD to stay without asking you first,making clear to sd the rules,staying on top of any misbehaviour and kissing your derrier and you are a sucker for even letting her stay for the initial 3 weeks but an even bigger doormat for then agreeing to her camping a further 2 weeks on your own bedroom floor!!
Never let her return and rethink this relationship. the reason sd is a thoughtless brat is because her daddy is even bigger self centered man baby. lesson learnt, rein in that generousity when those you bestow it upon dont deserve it and take you for a ride so long as they are happy!
The only crazy thing here is
The only crazy thing here is that you didn't tell him to keep driving back to his own place when he said he was going to pick her up to stay there, without your permission. And that you didn't make them leave when you realized it wasn't going to be a "couple nights".
Now you know your BF's true colors - he doesn't care about your needs and feelings, only those of his daughter.
Your BF is very rude,
Your BF is very rude, inviting his daughter to stay at your place. Then, he tells her she can sleep in your bedroom? What?
I must be a bitch because there is just absolutely no way I would have allowed this happen.
Why did she not go to HIS place?
The 20 year old needs to figure out how to get along with her mother well enough to stay with her, or she needs to figure out something else, on her own. It should not involve you or your place, at all.
Oh, Hell no! It's your house;
Oh, Hell no! It's your house; he had absolutely no right to volunteer your house for his kid. He was way out of line by pulling this stunt in the first place. No, you are not being too harsh. IMO, you need to put your Superbitch suit on and ban both of them from your place. Your house, your rules. Period.