BM admits that SD16 is "out of control" and expects SO to help now....advice welcome
SD16 a a beautiful, smart, athletic young lady. Until she started dating her current BF in July. When we first found out about this BF, we were told that he deals drugs (which may or may not be true....that was the "word" around town). However, after investigating him further, SO and I discovered that he had almost 30 felony charges pending against him and was released on a $260,000 bond.
SO made BM aware of this information. They discussed it and agreed that SD16 would no longer be able to see this boy.
The VERY NEXT DAY, SD21 told us that SD16 was hanging out with the BF that day. SO called BM, and she said, "Oh, I met him. He was very well-dressed and polite."
SD16 has been very distant from SO since then. The BF has wealthy parents that probably paid to get him out of all that trouble. SD21 said that his charges were dropped because he turned evidence on a bigger criminal. Whatever.
The problem is that NOW, BM thinks that if she, her new husband, and SO sit down and "talk" to SD16, that's going to help things.
She missed 21 days of her first semester, and the first two (and only) days of the second semester so far. The grandmother has actually taken her to school, dropped her off, watched her walk in the door and she STILL leaves. The BF is coming to pick her up. She stays out way past curfew, lies about everything, most of the time BM doesn't even know where she is.
WHAT do you do with a teenager that is letting her life go downhill? And WHAT can SO do, especially since BM never has backed him?
BM has thrown SO under the
BM has thrown SO under the bus even when they were married. You know, the old "wait till your daddy gets home".....he'd lay down the law, and she'd give in to them as soon as he went to work the next day.
She has primary physical custody. She stressed from the beginning that if the girls didn't want to go stay with their daddy, she wasn't going to force them. However, they ended up wanting to spend more time with him, and she didn't fight it, because she was so busy dating and partying.
Now she's lost control and I feel like it's too late.
You are right. I shudder to
You are right. I shudder to think if he made that threat and it backfires on us, though. OMG. You'd have to come live with me, tog!!! :jawdrop:
Ohhhhh, I know the CS deal
Ohhhhh, I know the CS deal ALL TOO WELL.
Lol! I love you and your
Lol! I love you and your advice, tog, but there's NO WAY IN HELL that she's coming to live here!
bahaha! You are probably
bahaha! You are probably right! Somehow, I'm sure it has to be all my fault, anyhow.
Nothing if you have no
Nothing if you have no custody. This is us with SD17. Just waiting for something bad and counting the next few months to 18 and we are no longer legally liable if she does anything.
The sad thing is, BM text SO
The sad thing is, BM text SO last weekend about the situation. She didn't give a lot of detail, just "SD is out of control."
SO asked what she expected him to do since she always disregards his opinions, and stabbed him in the back in July. And she really did. It's like he's the bad guy and she's the sweet angel to SD16, after she allowed her to keep dating this guy.
It just ended up in a blame game. He asked over and over WHAT she expected him to do and she wouldn't answer. She just kept replying a different version of "You always blame me." Ugh.
Actually last night, SO talked to SD's stepfather. The stepfather is a GEM. I'm not kidding. We all think highly of him. He jacked the felon against the wall recently. lol. SO can talk to him, can reason with him, and they both care about SD. BM is a different story altogether.
SO told the stepfather last night that he really appreciated him calling and discussing things with him, instead of them having to meet at the police station or the hospital, because that's what it seems like it's going to come to.
We're just holding our breath. Like you said, waiting for something bad.
Thirteen months, exactly, for us.
Thank you. I think you just
Thank you. I think you just said what I needed to hear.
Oh, I thought I was tough, but you are ONE TOUGH COOKIE! I love it! My teens date, but they aren't going to be hanging out with trash or criminals. And if they do ANYTHING behind my back, they're DAMN good about it, because this mama DOES have eyes in the back of her head, as well as all over town. They found out quickly there's little they can get away with that I won't find out about.
I think the hardest part of all of this is that BM makes everyone think that SO doesn't parent his girls. That the stepfather is more of a daddy than he is. SO is just so tired, discouraged, and hurt. He loves his girls and hates to see the path they're on, but has no clue how to fix it.
BF is 17. I'm pretty sure
BF is 17. I'm pretty sure he's on probation, so I'm not sure how he's getting away with not being in school.
And there is actually a
And there is actually a Christian children's home near us. It is financially supported by churches, so if there is a fee to parents, it's very low. SO and I have discussed this, but I doubt BM will go for it. She thinks if they all sit down and talk with her, she will magically change her ways. Smh.
Ratted on his betters eh?
Ratted on his betters eh? The problem may resolve itself when the "better" lets a contract out on him. Dealing drugs has a short life span. If one doesn't get out or jailed young then one doesn't live to see middle age.
But you can't count on that to happen soon enough. You don't have a problem other than wanting to help your husband. Since you're not going to allow this kid into your home and who can blame you, then really there is little he can do. Perhaps quit his job, get a small apartment, and doggedly trail this kid around day and night while handcuffing her to her bed to get some sleep.
Until Mommy relinquishes custody Daddy is helpless.
His older brother was mixed
His older brother was mixed up in a bunch of mess too, with a lot of criminal charges. Killed himself at age 22. I wish she could see that this is NOT the life anyone wants.