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Birthday party for 13 year-old

Mky0005's picture

 Hi. My Husband wants to allow his daughter, my stepdaughter, to have a sleepover birthday party for her 13th birthday. I am OK with the idea, but I want to set some rules in place Ahead of time. For instance I told him it would be smart to limit the number of friends invited because we do not want to be responsible for 20 girls sleeping at our house. He said “do not worry about it ! she only turns 13 once.”  I told him that i cannot imagine what it would be like with limitless kids at our house. Also I do not want our house to get trashed, as stepdaughter is incredibly irresponsible and messy!!!!  Husband seems to think  that his  13-year-old is mature enough to make all of these decisions by her self. I want to limit the number of girls to about five. But it would be me doing this because Husband refuses to do so. I hate being the bad guy. I know he wants her to have a good birthday party and so do I, but I just do not want 20 teenage girls at my house. What do you think I should do? Thanks 

Winterglow's picture

How often does your SD have sleepovers?

Is the sleepover his idea or hers?

Maybe she has other ideas that she'd rather do?

At 13, mine (and lost of their friends) were going to McDonalds and then on to a movie afterwards. Sleepovers were for children! lol At the same time, another prized birthday do was a day at a theme park with 5 friends (dh and I just floated around, took care of the bags, fed them their picnic and bought them fries and waffles to go with it, and were generally invisible).

Mky0005's picture

 It was my stepdaughters idea to have a sleepover. She really wants it. We’ve never had one at our house before. I guess I’m just nervous about what to expect and my house getting trashed and taking care of other people‘s kids overnight !

STaround's picture

I do think many girlsdo want sleepovers at 13.  I think fine to limit number.  Not certain I would go with 5, but certainly less than 10.  

Mky0005's picture

 I think I will just have to talk to her. My husband told her last night that she could have it so she just started texting everyone. I told him you need to talk to her before she texts 20 friends and invite them. I fear it might be too late. But he really should’ve talk to her before. 

Winterglow's picture

How about 20 to the party (not everyone wil turn up) and only 5 for the sleepover. You can always say you don't have the space for more than that.

futurobrillante99's picture

I know females, there will be factions in a large group of females - someone is going to get their feelings hurt.

Never more than 5, at that age, but 3 would be the best.

I'd tell your husband what you need in this situation and if he insists on putting his daughter's wants above your needs, you will find somewhere else to be, will not help him and will hold him responsible for any damage done.

SM12's picture

If you are expected to keep track of these kids, prepare food and clean up after them...then you have a say.   If your DH doesn’t like it then he can handle it all.  You get a hotel room for the weekend and let dad dip deal with all of it.  Come home only after he has cleaned up the mess.

tog redux's picture

Yup, that's what I was going to say.

OP, book yourself a nice night in a luxury hotel, or go visit family for the weekend. Let DH handle the party all by himself.

GrabitAndGo's picture

Go stay at a lovely hotel and enjoy peace and quiet.  Be sure to lock up all breakables and valuables before you leave, though.  You don't want stuff getting broken or going missing.  

Lndsy747's picture

What about adding incentive to keep it small? A nice dinner or spa supplies whatever she may be interested in. Then be like you can have a bunch of girls over or we can keep it small and do x.

I agree with the hotel for the weekend if that plan fails though.

Dads_Wife's picture

I don't know if anyone else said this - I would be super supportive of the whole thing but have some kind of family emergency come out where DH has to deal with it himself.

susanm's picture

Great Aunt Elsie hijacked a schoolbus full of nuns again?  I'll be right there!

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Ill go to Costco and get the booze. Someone needs to grab a few pizzas. We'll all meet at Elsie's bus for an "intervention".

susanm's picture

Can we all dress as nuns?  Like old-school full habit style.  And of course we will need a Great Aunt Elsie.  I am thinking grey curly wig, bright flowered dress, orthopedic shoes, and a padded bra big enough to smother a small child.

ESMOD's picture

I guess some of this depends upon the amount of space you have.  All the kids should be able to sleep in the same room.  Unless you have some enormous rec room in the basement more than 8-10 kids is going to be the max.  Then there is the matter of a budget.  What type of food and entertainment is planned for all these kids?  Who is footing the bill and can that be afforded at high numbers of kids? 

Honestly, the old rule of one kid for every year in age is probably not too out of line.. IF you have enough space for 13 girls to sleep.  Honestly, I don't think it's reasonable for one or two adults to chaperone an overnight party with so many teens. 

If your husband is dead set on not setting any limits I would do tell him this. 

"I disagree with allowing her to have a No Limits party.  If you won't limit the count to less than 10 kids... you can handle it all on your own.. I will be visiting my sister (or whatever) that night"

Then make your plans to be gone.. lock up any rooms you don't want the kids to have access to.  Remove your jewelry from the home with you.. and then inform your husband that it's on HIM to have the house in order by the time you return.. if it isn't.. you will be handing your SD and him a set of trash bags and cleaning supplies and supervising their cleanup.  If there is back talk.. you will be calling the parents of every girl and informing them their children are pigs... (really ought to embarass the 13 yo so the though of that might get the house