Bipolar disorder?
SD15 told her mom a few months ago she was depressed and had thoughts about wishing she would die, so she went to the family doctor, which led to a psychologist. SD took a test for bipolar disorder based on what she was saying and it came back negative. She is on a mild antidepressant and seeing a counselor, and we have seen some improvement in her overall mood. DH was not really included and told about a lot of it after the fact. Yesterday BM asked him to take SD to her counselor appt because she had a meeting. This was her second visit to this one (she has changed a few times) and DH was invited in for the last 20 minutes. The counselor said that the highs and lows SD described had her concerned about bipolar, and said to monitor and track her sleeping and eating habits for the next couple weeks. DH called BM to talk about it, but SD already had and told her that the counselor said she has bipolar and needs to see a psychiatrist? DH told her that is not what was said, and it escalated from there with BM saying he is not taking their daughters mental health seriously. It sounds like she is ready to believe SD is bipolar and wants to put her on medication for it. From our perspective, SD appears to be a typical teen who has been catered to all her life. She does seem to sleep a lot, but she has never had a bedtime and stays up late then takes a nap after school. She seems tired a lot, unless there something going on that she wants to do and then she is fine. She doesn't have great eating habits, but she has always been allowed to eat what and when she wants to. She can be moody and disrespectful, but she has been allowed to get away with it, and encouraged by BM. I am sure she is depressed, but I don't see anything alarming or unusual for her age and being in a split household situation. BM and SD have always focused on not feeling well, and BM is quick to jump to the worst case scenario. She takes SD along with her. In this case she is telling her bipolar runs in DHs family....it does not. I feel like bipolar is a serious word to be throwing around - she has been seen and tested and determined not to have it once. It almost feels like they want her to be, and because DH is trying to put some brakes on and understand, he is being accused of not caring. SD is supposed to be here this weekend and chose to stay with her mother because of it, I feel another storm brewing with my DH as the bad guy. Anyone else had any experience with their teenagers being diagnosed as bipolar? Is this common?
I agree with you, I would be
I agree with you, I would be hesitant about applying the label bi-polar to a 15 yr old - teens by their very nature experience mood swings a lot. And I am not keen either on medicating such a young person, whether or not they have clinical depression. Far better for her to put lifestyle changes into practice that are more healthy.
Agree with Kes, healthy
Agree with Kes, healthy lifestyle changes - better eating and sleeping habits, can do wonders.
My sister is bipolar and it entails a lot more than "highs and lows", it is more serious than that.
My 2 sisters and I were all diagnosed with clinical depression due to a chemical imbalance, many, many years ago (with a blood test, actually). I find that certain foods, namely bad carbs like sugar and flour, really mess with my brain chemistry, in a bad way, and exercise really helps. It's hard to convince a teenager of that, though.
Putting a teenager on bipolar meds, when she's not bipolar, is a terrible idea.
Let her see the psychiatrist,
Let her see the psychiatrist, just pick a good one. They can determine if it's bipolar or not, and that will end the argument. A good psychiatrist won't put a kid on meds she doesn't need.
There is no test for bipolar
its the way person acts and thinks. The think part is hard. So one saids yes other saids no
bipola person, you can see them change before your eyes, they are in a good mood, then something is said, or they say something, and there whole mode changes, to mad, wanting to get even with people who never did anything to them. But in bad cases of bipolar 15 is about the right time for it to come out. But still this kid has to showing signs of something
There is no medication to stop bipola, just thing to carm them down, so the public see them as normal. But there meds effect the way they feel and will give them trouble sexually, so most stop taking there meds
The meds for bipolar disorder
The meds for bipolar disorder are very powerful and they have lots of side effects that are unpleasant. They alter the brain's chemistry, so they are not something to play with, especially in someone whose brain is still developing.
Your husband should privately talk with SD's doctors and voice his concern about jumping to a bipolar diagnosis. Make sure he's in touch and the doctors know how he feels. Any good physician will not put her on those meds without good reason, but just to be sure, they should know he's keeping an eye on what they're doing for SD.
You can't change BM, but physicians are very aware of liability. If they know someone is keeping an eye on what they're doing, they won't be too quick to indulge BM's whims.
Bipolar is the new black.
Bipolar is the new black. It is very "in fashion" now to be bipolar and people use it as an excuse for all kinds of behaviors. And if you don't simply nod along and give them a pass, you are a terrible person who is cruel to people with problems. Of course she wants to be bipolar and BM is pushing for it. Then it explains everything and has no relection on BM's poor parenting. Nothing is her fault either. Woo-hoo! Lifetime hall pass to be a selfish moody brat. Yea!!!
If SD doesn't show up as
If SD doesn't show up as scheduled DH needs to nail BM with a contempt motions. It is also time for DH to go to war and bare both BM's and SD's asses for their maniplative crap.
A Dx does not occur because someone wants the Dx of the moment. This crap requires an actual Dx.
That BM is pushing this crap and lying (BiPolar runs in DH's family) it is time to ruin her life and run her ass off as the toxic Munchausen harpie that she is. That is the thing that is in the best interests of this idiot teen IMHO.
Good luck.
Thank you so much for all of
Thank you so much for all of the feedback It is reinforcing what I already thought. The comments about bipolar being an excuse to act out really hits home. BM does not say no, is always available to do anything SD wants, and allows her to act so disrespectfully. I immediately had the thought that the diagnosis would be a convenient excuse for BM not to parent. And for SD to act however she wants. Which She does anyway. We have been having difficulties for years, and it wasn't until recently that DH has started to see that catering to her has not done her any favors. Her choosing not to come here is not new. She does not want a schedule, so she will either not come on his days or text him last minute on not normally scheduled days saying she is going to stay at our house. Friday he was on his way to get her after work and called her to tell her, and she said she wasn't coming. She has been here and suddenly left with BM. BM will drop everything to get her, and has called DH a bad parent because he is pushing for a schedule and consistency. Not only for our sanity, but if SD is having problems, randomly deciding what house you are going to be at from day to day can't be helping. BM says She is a parent 24/7 and that DH is not doing his job because he does not want to accomodate SDs whims. We know she is saying these things to SD. It is truly a mess right now, and doesn't give DH a strong platform to have a lot of influence on SD. I think the suggestion of him talking to the doctors on his own is a great one -her insurance is with us so BM can't hide it. I am hoping he will stay up on this, he has the tendency to shut down on things that are difficult. We haven't talked about it all weekend but I know it's weighing on him. Thank you again for the input and advice, it is much appreciated!
The immediate solution is
The immediate solution is total confrontation and for DH to file a contempt motion against BM each and every time she fails to deliver SD on schedule or .... any time she violates DH's CO'd time with SD by picking SD up early.
Every time. PERIOD! Put the pain on BM and drag SD kicking and screaming as scheduled (figuratively of course.. on the kicking and screaming).
Eventually the Judge will get tired of seeing BM in front of the bench and put their black robed foot up her ass.
BM and SD can say whatever they want but if BM is in violation of the CO ... BRING THE PAIN!!!!!! No lawyer is needed to file a contempt motion. Just smack her with one any time she F-s with DH's time with his daughter.
I like your style and i
I like your style and i always cheer for your straightforward comments, Rags. The problem here is, I am not sure how defined their parenting plan is through the court. They have shared parenting I know, but i don't think there is a schedule laid out For the most part they have been able to work together, at one point since I have been around they made a change to their schedule to what it is now, and that was not done through the court. If there is not a court ordered schedule, does he have anything to stand on? Especially as she will be 16 in the spring?
I should say, work together
I should say, work together until the last couple of years....now BM seems to enjoy working against
Have your DH get a copy of
Have your DH get a copy of the CO if he doesn’t have one. My wife and I each had a copy of the CO and the supplemental county rule in our offices at work and a complete set of everything in our home office.
When they would call my DW she would conference me in on mute and we would email each other as the discussion unfolded.
I knew the CO as well as she did.
Together we kept them under our thumb.