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About to graduate SS

Pooge8's picture

So we've been married less than a year. The oldest SS almost 18 hasn't really respected me. He's had manners but he retreats to his room and minimizes contact with me and wife hates it. Her and I have had our own issues over the year that's been stressful for all of us. She's now sad and regretting us being together because he goes to college in a few months and she's sad about losing him and feels like now she's losing him sooner. I'm at a crossroads because tonight she essentially asked me how "we" fix this. I leave, she leaves, we stay but how do we create some happy house and get him to interact more?  Help and thank

Winterglow's picture

Marital counselling ASAP!

At the risk of sounding rude, your wife needs to get a grip. So he spends all day in his room? That's what teens do, man. They have their electronics, phone, etc. why would they come out? I have two 18 yo bios that I would probably never see if it weren't for mealtimes Smile If your wife hated the situation so much, why didn't she set up outings (even if just to the shops) with you and him included. 

As for "losing" him to college, give me a break! That is just plain ridiculous! Here's a question - do we raise children to spend the rest of their lives under out wing or do we do it so that they can become independent people who have their own lives? Going to college, striking out on his own, are normal and perfectly natural steps for him at his age.

What is there to fix? Like I said, - couinselling, firstly so that you can iron out the issues that have been causing you both stress and secondly, for your wife to get a realistic look at what a parent's role is. Hint, it isn't to coddle the kid forever. You have to learn to let go...

 

tog redux's picture

Has she talked to him about what's going on? Why is she putting it on you to fix? After all, YOU aren't the one hiding in your room.

Harry's picture

She letting do what he wants and you are the bad guy.  Her problem, she fixes it.  But  It's not really a problem,?

Tried out's picture

what she's saying, being a mother of now-grown sons. There is a bittersweet feeling you experience when you realize that part of your life - when you are a full time mother - is coming to an end. It doesn't mean you don't want  them to grow up and leave you,  and I don't think that's what your SO is saying. I think she's acknowledging that when you moved in things changed and she is missing what she had before, when it was just her and her son, and this feeling is exacerbated because time is running short. It's a shame she didn't anticipate this and delay your debut, but she didn't and now she's trying to figure out how to undo it. Is your relationship strong enough to backtrack on this?