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17 yr old stepson- depression or attention

CLNichols's picture

Hello, so I have posted once here before and was grateful for the thoughts and compliments, but here I am 17 year old step son came to live with my husband and I because his mother was in a financial situation that she couldn't take care of him. To back up a bit, we will have been married 4 years this year...stepson came to live with us his sophomore year, he is now a junior.

Everything seemed great from when we married...we did family stuff together, laughed a lot, talked a lot when we had him on the weekends. Since he moved in with us it's been a downhill slope. He started about June of 2019 withdrawing and being lazy and irritable. His dad was on him about getting a job, didn't care if he had one or not. No drivers training or any ambition to get a car. Then he started to get snappy with me, I called him out on being tired and lazy and needed to do stuff. This did not go over well, but I am so tired of seeing a 17 year old just SIT!!! 

So he now sees his mom on weekends, she makes endless promises and is always dumping her problems and issues on him, he then worries about his mom ALL THE TIME. She finally got a job after being fired 3 times and has to live with her daughter and daughter BF and their baby because she can't get a place of her own. When SS goes to see her on weekends he sleeps on a couch and they again sit and do nothing.

 When school started this year we said he had to get a job and do something, earn money, go to drivers Ed and get a car. I found him the job and he lasted less than 2 months and got fired. He has told his parents and I he is not happy, he doesn't want to do anything, go anywhere, doesn't want a job or a car. His grades are failing and his eating habits are horrid!! His mom did get him an appointment with his Dr to start on depression meds, which he didn't take right and wasn't monitored. Then he'd go with out for days and couldn't get refills cause his mom had no insurance and no money to pay, so he's go without. They now found a counselor that will come to the school, but he doesn't want to talk about himself.

i, being the stepmom and wanting to help, but I can't. I am SO BEYOND TIRED of the exclusion, the mopey attitude, but no one is really doing anything. He has no responsibilities and has proven he has no ambition to do them, even getting paid!! I am so tired of providing for him 24/7!!!  
I also am afraid if this is truely depression that no one is doing anything that this could be bad. But then once I get home, he shuts his door and is playing video games and laughing!

So stressed, confused and worried and aggravated!!!!

Sorry so long!!!


Rags's picture

Shut off the internet and cancel his cell service.   No job, no SS hoop performance no connectivity.

Inform him that if he will not get a job that he now works for you and his dad as your beck and call boy/chore bitch and work his ass off.  He either steps up or he leaves.  Either way you win and he improves.

Mandy45's picture

I think your SS and my SD17 should date and get married but they not living with me lol

My sd the same has no interest in life really spends all her time on her phone and just eats and sleeps. I even cut off her internet thinking that might motivate her but no. I got sd parents to send her to counseling for a bit but sd put on a farce for the counselor and she just stop going. Because sd thinks theres nothing wrong with her behavior. And what she doing is normal. And her parents didn't encourage her to go. Because It was all to f@%en hard because it a fight trying to get her to go or do anything. So now she just sits around in her room and does nothing and has done it for the past 3 years. 

And it is driving me insane I'm even at the point now if she doesnt get a job or her parents still fail to do anything about her utter laziness im outta of here I will not spend another year doing this shit. 

Because I can see where this is all going and i will not be living or supporting this no hoper crap till she 30 last 3 years has been long enough. That without counting all the other past dramas with sd before she even became a teen.