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Taking A Break From My Wife And SD

TiredMan's picture

My SD barely goes to school and it drives me crazy. My wife doesn't discipline her, either, they basically just chat and have a good time together all the time. This kid has NO responsibilities. Like, she had to do the dishes and did half and told my wife to do the other half and my wife did it. It's shit like that that drives me crazy about living here. I would have told her to either do all of the dishes or I'm shutting off the internet for the rest of the night.

My SD has only gone to one or two days of school and it has been the school year for 2 weeks. So she just sits at home and nothing happens. Even the school doesn't give a shit because she barely went last year and they just called once to say to send in a doctor's note, which nobody did and my kid still passed her classes because the school is a fxxking joke.

Anyways, my therapist thinks I have anger building up in me and that I need to take a break. I need to save enough to go to a motel for a week or so because I can work online and stay in a place as long as I want as long as I can get online. But I have to have the initial week's worth of money to stay there so I have time to make more.

I'm willing to bet that my wife will hate me and won't let me come back if I take a break. She'll be a total asshole about it. So, if I take a break I think my wife will want a divorce. And I'm afraid that during my break, I'll be the most productive I've ever been and I'll be super happy all the time. Seriously, being a stepdad is shitty and isn't what I expected at all.

That's my rant for now. I'm so behind on everything due to back to school shopping, which was pointless because my SD doesn't even go to school more than once a week so I dunno why I got all that school shit for her. I hate being a stepdad, and I hate that I dislike the kid because my wife won't let me parent her. If it were up to me, shit would go a lot better around here and the kid would have respect for us instead of just using us to get free shit to get by until she eventually has to live on a friend's couch (if my wife ever has the balls to kick her out) because I know she won't be able to hold down any kind of job.

ybarra357's picture

I think you're projecting your anger to the wrong person. Your SD sounds like a tool, however your DW is one who is a crappy parent. And no, the 'parenting' should not be foisted onto you. No way would I fork over any of my hard earned money for this. Why are you doing that?

"I'm willing to bet that my wife will hate me and won't let me come back if I take a break" Sorry dude, but it sounds like your DW hates you anyway.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Why not take the break and see what happens? If your wife divorces you, then you did not have much to begin with....and, if she gets the message...wow. Either way, you are going to be much happier than you are now, and wife definitely needs a wake up call. But prepare yourself, that she may never wake up from her poor parenting and kid enmeshment; enabled children only get worse as adults.

You are likely a winner by taking a break from this mess period, regardless of what your future holds.

Peppersprout's picture

I can totally relate to this today because I am so sick of my stepson's manipulating bullshit, I want a break too. I seriously think that if I had the extra money for deposit and first, last etc I would move out, no matter how much I love my fiance...I can't tolerate his oldest son and how he is spoiled ROTTEN. The going excuse is how hard he had it growing up because he was the oldest, and biomom had, in addition to a drug and alcohol and cheating problem, 4 more kids! Apparently, he was displaced as the little Prince and at the same time made third parent in charge because biomom made him responsible for his siblings, and cleaning, cooking...you name it. She really did do a number on him and as a result he is A BULLY, and he acts like a he should have rights that adults have, yet he is a manipulating kid! The other kids are just normal kids...a lot of work but not a problem...

I could bore you with the details but.....the point here is I have told myself I wont let this one kid ruin my relationship, or will I??? Is this a forever thing? I think that may be what you are facing since your wife is cultivating a best friend relationship rather than raising your sd to be an independent, responsible woman. Hope you get some peace....temporarily or permanently.....

notsobad's picture

"And I'm afraid that during my break, I'll be the most productive I've ever been and I'll be super happy all the time."

I don't understand. Don't you want to be productive and happy?

I'm not saying you should leave your wife if you are happy the week without her but why go through life miserable?
You only get one life, make the most of it!

blayze's picture

Is your wife in therapy, too? Just curious... sounds like she needs it. Who wouldn't make their minor child go to school?

Anyway, not sure why you spend your money on someone you can't stand. If you hate her, let her and her mother fend for themselves with regards to school stuff. Also, FYI, you don't have to say anything about shutting the Internet off. Change the password if you pay for it. Maybe it will make the brat leave and go to a friend's house.

It sounds like you're scared to be "happy"???

What would happen if you left for a week and your wife resented you for it? She would either
a) make the necessary adjustments to her parenting
or
b) be happy you're gone. Sounds like a win either way to me.

Bottom line, your life is in your hands. You DO NOT have to live like this.

SugarSpice's picture

"My wife doesn't discipline her, either, they basically just chat and have a good time together all the time."

tiredman, your statement says it all.

the skid is not getting discipline because the sd staying at home with her mother id fulfilling a need in your wife.

your sd is a mini wife to your own wife!

wake up to reality. this is not a healthy situation. the child needs to go to school to be social with her own peers and not the gal pal of her own mother.

this is enmeshment of the worst kind. just wait until the girl becomes and adult. youll never get rid of her as she will be too stuck on your wife.

i am glad you are seeking professional help on this.

talk to your counselor about en meshment.

stepmomfromhell's picture

OP, just wondering if your DW has signed her up to home schooling and has registered SD at the local school where she only needs to attend once weekly to hand in assignments?

If she is passing to the next grade, she must be doing the work and doing the tests, and it would be next to impossible to get to the next grade without any studying or schooling done.