stepdaughter is having problems
Well first off let me give a little background on the situation. My significant other has twin 10yr old daughters that I love like my own children. There father was very abusive and fought with there mother all the time and he is currently in jail. She has been divorced from him for the last 2yrs and I am the first serious relationship she has been able to have because one of the girls has always pushed her boyfriends away. I however do not push away easily and have not let her get to me, I love her, her sister and her mom more than the world. One of the girls has taken to me like I was always her dad which is awesome, the other however has tried almost everything to push me away, I treat her just like I treat her sister, with all the love and affection that I can give them. Some days are better than others, she will be loving and affectionate but its at the end of those days that the problems arise....almost like she is feeling guilty for loving someone other than her dad. Any insight will be greatly appreciated. Now I know she was a daddy's girl and not having her dad around is hard, I understand that, but what have you guys done or have ideas on what may work.
Is she in counseling? She's
Is she in counseling? She's probably seen a lot in her young life and is certainly dealing with a lot. She's feeling pain-totally understandable-but your dw needs to (with you present) tell her she doesn't have to love or like you but she does need to be respectful to you. And that she can always come talk to her (Mom) or you about anything. Maybe mom needs to spend more time with her.
Counseling could also be a great way for her (sd) to learn how to cope with her feelings and deal with them constructively. Mom should ask her pediatrician for the names of good counselors who specialize in helping troubled kids.
I am speaking not from
I am speaking not from parenting experience but from being a step daughter. To be honest, back off... sounds like you are trying really hard and that is great but to her she sees it as you are stealing her mom and taking her dads place. Maybe sit her down and tell her why you are going to back off you still love her but she sounds like she needs some time just to see you as a friend and nothing more. I really wish my step dad had done this for me but he just kept trying harder and it made it even worse for me.
First piece of advise is to
First piece of advise is to find a woman without children. Your life will be much much happier.
But you'll insist this will work out I suspect so being determined to fight a uphill losing battle I'd listen to the lady above who has been there.
I found that when I stopped trying at first the girl was stunned and confused, then she became more friendly and things got better. But in the long run, decades, the best I can say is that I am tolerated.