I have 3 step children, and 1 daughter. My wife's kids are two boys ages 10, 9, and a girl age 5. Our daughter is almost 1 year.

So, her middle boy is gifted. He has tested as having a high IQ for his age by the public school he attends. I've got a couple of issues with him. First, yes, he is intelligent, he gets excellent grades, but so did I at his age. Straight As. It didn't make me super intelligent. He has no common sense whatsoever. He makes silly choices and cannot follow instructions at all. He was asked to clean the kitchen table the other day. It was cleared, he needed only to spray and wipe the table which he has done many times before. He started crying when his mom and I got on to him for just barely wiping it and diverting his attention back to the TV. I said something to him, and he yelled at smart ass remark back at me and started crying. I sent him to his room, then we had a talk about respect and what it means, especially to members of your family.

That's another thing. He seems to feel the need to challenge me a lot lately. If he doesn't like what I tell him, then he gets mad, cries, and then hides it from me. He asked the other night if he could stay up reading in his room. I told him no because it was past his bedtime. A few minutes later I go check to make sure the kids are all in bed and lights out. He has his door closed which is not allowed in our house, because he has his light on reading. I asked why he did that when he asked and I told him no. He said he didn't know and started crying that I won't let him read. Told him I'm glad he was reading, but that rules are rules and he needed to follow them. He said he wanted to ask his mom if he could read. Told him it is still a rule, and she had agreed on the rules, why did he want to question me? He just cried. I told him to go ahead. He told his mom that I refused to let him read his Bible. She looked at me like she could tear my eyes out until I told her that he asked 20 minutes after bedtime and I told him no, that he needed to go to bed like his siblings. She ended up letting him stay up late to read. I wasn't trying to be harsh or critical, I was just asking him to follow the rules and show me some respect by listening when I said to do something.

I ask if this is normal because I have additional concerns about his behavior and wonder if there is a condition present. He is very socially awkward. His brother has friends, is in to sports and other things normal for his age. Not to say that everyone has to be into sports, but he has a fit if we have him do anything but watch tv, YouTube, and play video games. If he isn't on his Wii, then he has a DS in his hand. If he doesn't have that, then it's an old iPhone. If he doesn't have that, then he is constantly complaining about being bored and is very difficult. His awkwardness goes way beyond that though. He interrupts conversations ALL the time. He will just run into the room while his mom and I are talking, and start telling one of us all about what he just saw on his video game or YouTube. When we tell him to not interrupt, he keeps talking like he didnt even hear us. If we do manage to get his attention and get him to stop, he will turn his exposition toward the other person...like that person wasn't involved in a conversation either.

When I get home from work, the other two kids give me normal greetings like "hi! Glad your home!" or give me a hug. He runs up and just starts talking about some video game or YouTube video, like we were already having a conversation and he is picking up where we left off...even though that's not the case.

When he goes on one of these frenzied video game rants, he has trouble forming sentences. When he is calm, talking about school or whatever, he talks fine, but when he is excited, he will rephrase a sentence 4 or 5 times before he finally completes it. And he yells almost everything. We are constantly reminding him to use his "indoor voice".

I've also been told that he has some sort of sensory condition. I don't understand it really but his mom seems to. A trip to the dentist for the others is the normal exercise in discomfort and a lot of crying for the others. But for him, he has to be restrained because he will freak out, begin flailing, and then run from the dentist. He almost hurt himself the last time and managed to hit the dentist.

I don't know what to do here. His mom doesn't think there is anything developmentally wrong with him, and the school's recent declaration that he is a gifted kid has cemented her opinion that he is nothing but that.

I worry for a couple of reasons. My stepdaughter, who is 5, learns many of her behaviors from him. She yells now whenever she talks. She has started to be more defiant, especially of me, and insists asking her mom questions that I have already answered for her. She is learning his bad habits, doesn't pick up after herself, doesn't listen when she is told to put a toy or her shoes away. I tripped over her shoes at 3am because she left them in the exact middle of the kitchen despite being told to put them away over and over. Another reason I'm concerned is that he is very overly affectionate with my daughter. He is always touching her, getting in her face, and trying to play with her even when she is aggravated and crying. His mom says it's the sensory thing coming in to play, that he has identified her as something cuddly. But no matter how much we tell him to back up and stop, he continues to start up again. I worry what that is going to mean when he is a teenager. Puberty is around the corner. I don't think my step-daughter would let him get away with anything he shouldn't, but my daughter will still be too young to understand when he is hitting his teens. Whether or not it is a sensory issue or not, I don't want him to keep this up and hurt my daughter.

I've read about autism and asperbergers. I'm not saying either of these conditions make you a bad person, but I do know that if he has one of these and we do not handle it properly, it could be detrimental to him. I love the kid, but I love my daughter more. I don't want her hurt, nor do I want her picking up the same bad habits that he has.

Am I overthinking things?