New and never blogged and I need advice Please.
I am 33 years old. I have been with my girlfriend a year and a half. She has 5 children. 17 year old boy, 16 year old boy, 12 year old boy, an 11 year old boy, and an 8 year old girl. She quit taking birth control without tell me about 8 no the ago and complained about how we are never I timate any more. I felt bad for neglecting her so decidedto give her more attention in that department and what do ya know, she got pregnant. Long story short I feel like I was trapped. She didn't think I wanted to pursue marriage with her already so why not have a 7th kid. I have wanted kids of my ps4 for years but was never lucky enough to find the right woman. I have not once thought or said that o wish she wasn't pregnant. It makes ME smile every time beacaue I've wanted children. What i don't like about it is that she did this. It w asnt a decision we came to together or decided to do. SHE did it, and without my consent or anything. The children father and step mother are the type of people that gave champagne taste on a beer budget. They give the kids everything they want and do not make them do ANYTHING! The newst phone every tine one comes out. New 4k tv's. New video games. The works. They have no concept of affordable or responsibility or disciplin. They expect EVERYHTING handed to them on a silver platter regardless who it affects negatively to get it. If she wasn't pregnant with MY first child and it's a boy I wouldn't be with her I fear. The kids HATE me. I get and try and get and I can't even ask them to take out the dishes or even clean up They're own spilled milk. Please help me. I have lost app much respect for my girlfriend over the last year it makes me really sad. And she defends them doing nothing. She says it's no use to discipline them because when ever we try the just scream and cry "I wanna go back to dad's house. I have it hear. You can't make me do anything. Dad give a me everything, I never want to be here ever. It breaks my heart because She has to let them do whatever they want and she has to cater to them because she is afraid she will never get to see them. Please help me. I miss feeling the way I use to feel about her and I miss looking forward to her I. My future. Now I only am happy about having my own son. :?
My son's girlfriend did this
My son's girlfriend did this to him twice. My reaction? It takes two to make a baby and it takes two to prevent one. He could have wore a condom if he thought his girl was tricking him- there are things men can do to. However, that said you are in a situation you didn't want to be in- just like women often are too but they have to carry the child and go through labour too!
You were never lucky enough to find the right woman so you hitched up with one with five kids??? I think your judgement may have been lacking here. If she wasn't pregnant with your child and it wasn't a boy you wouldn't be with her??? So if she was having a daughter you would leave her??? What kind of neanderthal chauvinistic misogynistic caveman are you?
Your future? Frankly my dear, I couldn't give a ....
The comment about staying
The comment about staying because it's a son jumped out at me too but I'm hoping it came out wrong and that's not what the poster meant. Either way, you've got yourself in a pickle and the only way out of it is to man up and leave her. mis
It's totally misguided to stay with someone for the sake of a child/children - all it does is expose the kids to a dysfunctional and unhappy relationship which in turn gives them a wrong frame of reference for when they are an adult and forming their own relationships.
Before you leave, get all your ducks in a row - ie go and see a lawyer to get advice on splitting assets and custody and the best way to end a relationship.
Good luck!
Do yourself a favour - run
Do yourself a favour - run for the hills, I can assure you, it will not get any better, she clearly likes having kids, just hope she works and pays for them herself. I would not waste any more time on her, I feel sorry for you, I have seen plenty of women trap their partners, not nice.
^^^^^THIS.^^^^^ You got
^^^^^THIS.^^^^^
You got caught in one of the oldest scams, OP. So did my DH, and so did the husbands and boyfriends of many other members on this board. It's time to start thinking with your brain, get your ducks in a row, and get the Hell away from that parasite.
Please make an appointment with a family law attorney ASAP to find out exactly what your rights and obligations are. Go after as much custody as you can possibly get, because you really don't want your child raised by this woman or exposed to her feral kids.
Get out, build a good life for your child, and never have unprotected sex again.
EJECT! EJECT!!
EJECT! EJECT!! EJECT!!!
First, SHE HAS FIVE KIDS. You don't, but she does.
Second, WHY DID YOU START DATING HER? And why would you continue when her kids don't like you?
Third, if she loves you, why would she want to trap you? Clearly, she tried trapping someone before and it didn't work out well for all five kids - now there will be a sixth COMPLETELY INNOCENT victim in this scheme she's running?
Nnnnope, you just need to realize it's not love - it's insecurity - and that's no foundation for a relationship. It'll bring nothing but layers of lies and deception. Run away, fast.
Sorry to hear this. The only
Sorry to hear this. The only think left for you is sadly move away from her. Run away with your child when he is born. Raising your child in the mess she is, will only harm your child.
Uh, Gordan, the man can't run
Uh, Gordan, the man can't run away with his child. That's kidnapping. Running and hiding, perhaps always looking over your shoulder and constantly moving and changing identity every time the law would get too close is not going to be better for a small child than staying and sharing parenting time. The child will have needs, the father would have to work for those needs and still provide a care giver for the child, an infant. How does a man (or a woman for that matter) hide a baby and still be able to work? Running away with the child is not a solution for the parent, nor the child.
If the gentleman is so unhappy in his current relationship, he can always leave the home and file for joint custody after the child is born. No, he may not get a 50/50 parenting schedule, but his child and he would have a chance to live free (part time) from the other household where chaos rules.
The Op chose his child's mother when he failed to protect himself from a pregnancy. Now he is going to have to parent and raise this child with this woman. Kidnapping a child would open up a whole another world of problems for this man.
He said he would only do this
He said he would only do this because the child is male- presumably he would be happy to leave a daughter behind? This is not nice at all...
You may never feel the same
You may never feel the same way about her again. Her fear that the kids will not want to come back and allowing them to do what they want, when they want, and turn into little hooligans is poor parenting.
What is her custody arrangement with the biodad? If visitation is in place, there should not be any consequences when the skids scream "I wanna go back to dad's house." They go back to dad's house at the regularly scheduled time.
It is quite possible that your girlfriend will continue to NOT parent. You have 2 choices: Live with her and continue this miserable existence, or contact a lawyer and try for full custody of your child and let your girlfriend have visitation.
LIVE SEPARATELY AND BE A DAD
LIVE SEPARATELY AND BE A DAD FOR YOUR OWN KIDS. MAKE SURE YOU SUPPORT ONLY YOUR OWN KIDS THOUGH VIA THE CORRECT PROCESS .......
THE UNRULY MANNERLESS STEPS ARE NOT YOURS AND YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO THEM.....
Not sure what state your in,
Not sure what state your in, but in MINE ,you can't kidnap your own CHILD, meaning If he has the child and the BM knows the child is with him, and he leaves town ,not much can be done. Mothers take children and skip town and fathers have no idea where they are. You only hear of non-custodial parents being charged with kidnapping. If there is no order and he files for custody (definitely have your ducks in a row) He's doing nothing illegal.
AND WEAR A CONDOM!!!!!!
AND WEAR A CONDOM!!!!!!
This is exactly why we used
This is exactly why we used to have our son (SS-25 now adopted by me) repeat the mantra "No glove no love & wrap it before you tap it" before he left the house on a date when he was in HS.
His mom had our son when she was 16 and was petrified of him repeating her lapse in judgement not to mention making her a GM in her early 30s.
The philosophy of breeding to save a failing relationship should be a crime IMHO. Particularly when one party perpetrates a salvage spawning effort without the others knowledge and consent. Your GF does not have to tolerate this crap from her prior relationship spawn. She needs to grow up and behave as an adult and parent rather than tolerating her brood of toxic spawn's crappy behavior.
I truly hope that you are able to protect your child from the shallow and manipulative half of his gene pool.
Good luck.
All IMHO of course.
In the state I am currently
In the state I am currently living in a parent cannot take the kids to live out of state without the permission of the other parent. My ds wife took the kids and refused to come back. He filed for divorce and because she took the kids, she lost custody.
Please consult an attorney and listen to the attorney's advice. The best case scenario is that you get 50% custody. However, with as many children as she has, especially if she has no emotional and physical support she may eventually let you have full custody. It sounds as if she is at her wits end, as are you, by the way you describe the behavior of her children. Eventually she may want some relief, as being a single parent has many challenges and it is not an easy life. Try not to let your emotions get the best of you.