Marriage Not What I Expected
Okay so I was all excited a few years ago and was super ready to get married. There were 2 stepkids at the time. Older one and a younger one, both teenagers. The older one had a blowout with mom and moved out, which was whatever. But, since that happened, the younger one is now being babied all the time because I guess my wife is afraid of her leaving too.
Well, this teenager that's left is getting pretty old to be laying on mom or getting hugs every day multiple times. But, the kid figured out the secret to getting anything of course, so any time she wants something it's "I'm going to cuddle with mom tomorrow and get out of school." This happens at least once a week, and chores are barely done.
I want to fix my spot in the family so I went to a therapist and she said some stuff that is making me rethink all of this. First, the child is not mine so of course I don't have a say. So, the whole marriage that I based on the idea that I could be the step father mine never was to me, was not what it seemed.
I know ya'll say to disengage and I kind of was disengaged a little but I still thought giving her advice and being a strong male figure in her life was good. Nope, since she has past trauma I can't be firm with her and I also can't hug or be close to the kid. I don't want to get too into the trauma thing but it's like nobody told me I'd just be paying money into a home and everything else that I'm always going to just be a roommate in.
Seriously, this is the most expensive roommate situation. All my stuff is free game unless I make it a point to say no don't eat or use that but even if it comes up, I have to say yes because they will tell me I'm being a dick. I have PTSD because of some stuff that includes a mean step father, so anything that makes me feel like I'm him is something I can't do, so I feel like I can't say no to anything.
What would other men and women here do? I've had the talks with my wife about how I can't be the father figure I wanted to be but that I think she needs to seriously work on parenting because if she wants me around I'm not going to take care of her kid after she's old enough to move out. I shouldn't even be taking care of her now.
Every few days, I look around and think about just putting my shit in a suitcase and leaving. But then I think about how screwed over they would be if they didn't have me to help. I'm sure they could figure it out but still.
Even if nobody says anything or whatever, thanks for letting me have a place to vent. I keep this stuff inside and it's making me mad. I feel like the only person in our house that has nobody a lot of the time. If we were all on a boat, I'd be thrown to the sharks first. It's like my best friend I married is now becoming my enemy slowly over love for her kid. Love that is good to have, but is very misplaced and not used to make a mentally and physically happy person.