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Let’s be honest and tell the truth here

Stefany.lee's picture

I know it’s not fair to ask this kind of questions but let’s really think about it and be honest. Which side do you pick?

1. A psycho jobless vindictive ex wife and two teenagers 

2. A new wife that help your business, a great mom to the two babies she has with you.

 

let’s say... the new wife doesn’t let the kids move in with her cause the kids were harming the babies and poison them.

so you have two choices:

1. Move on with your life and let the two teenagers ex kids go to foster care.

2. Move out from the house and rent a house so the teenagers kids can be with you

 

lets be very honest please 

tog redux's picture

I don’t think it’s simple. He has an obligation to his older kids too, who clearly have been abused and manipulated by BM. His younger kids have you, the older ones have no parent. If this were my situation, I would encourage him to do what he did. 

Sorry, it’s not a clear situation. Would you ever give up on your two children and let them go into foster care?

MrsStepMom's picture

i agree I wouldn't let my children go to foster car, ever....but the situation was crap from day one (her other post) so the real answer is to remove herself completely.

tog redux's picture

Agreed. She chose this guy even though he was a cheater. But now she wants him to abandon his other children to be with her and her children. Legally, he’s responsible for them and morally, it’s the right thing to do.  The court won’t let him just walk away anyway, he’d pay child support to the county for them. 

JerseyGirl1970's picture

Would send their older children to foster care to appease a new partner?

A terrible one and if he did that, what's to say in a few years when your luster has worn thin, he does the same to you and your children?

He was right to move out with his kids. At least he's able to be loyal to them because he surely can't with a partner.

It will hurt for a while but it's probably best if you part ways. Issues like that are deal breakers  Seriously, run!

 

ndc's picture

As much as the first choice would probably be easier for a father, I think many good fathers would choose b. He knows his younger kids would be safe and loved with you, so keeping the older kids out of foster care would be an understandable priority.

Winterglow's picture

Frankly, anyone who would willingly let their children go into foster care is nothing better than a turd and I would not want anything to do with them. 

Look, you're suffering from PPD, please, please, please see a doctor about it. Treatment is out there. Maybe once you are taking care of yourself and your needs you'll see that you didn't give your husband a choice in this - you refused to allow his child in your home and no man worth his salt would have abandoned her. I'm not blaming you, only saying that this situation had few other possible results. 

Personally, I cannot understand why you would want to keep someone who treated you so shabbily.

lieutenant_dad's picture

He has a legal responsibility to his kids, and potentially to anyone they harm. Even if they go into foster care, he won't lose his rights and will still pay child support for someone else to raise. Unless someone steps forward to adopt them, they are HIS kids and HIS responsibility. Good, bad, or otherwise.

Awesome Wife should realize that her DH has 4 kids, 2 of which need serious help due to the abuse and neglect they faced by their parents. Awesome Wife should have realized, before Baby #1, that there could come a day when those kids would have to live with their father full-time and that their care would be extensive.

Mistakes have been made and the clean-up is going to be difficult and heartbreaking for all involved. I feel bad for the kids that none of the adults looked at the situation for what it was and not what they hoped it would be.

fourbrats's picture

"move on with your life" option here. The kids don't just go into foster care and get lost in the system. Your husband would then have a dependency care plan which means your entire household is under scrutiny. Your husband misses work because of court, visits, etc. A social worker may decide to also keep an eye on your two children. Your husband will need to pay for their foster care, medical care, mental health needs etc. Plus provide the teenagers with the things they need in terms of clothes and such. So A isn't really A. A is more like asking for the state to come into your home and family but the kids live elsewhere. 

Your husband is in a no-win situation here. Plus he is an asshat in general based on previous behavior. But in the end a good father would not choose to put his kids in foster care. 

Stefany.lee's picture

Thanks everyone for responding... I agree that is a no win situation. He came home yesterday and packed up. Told me he loves me but he has to be there for them and he doesn’t even know what to do. The ex wife’s boyfriend said the ex is doing heavy drugs and told him she would come kill me and him then end her life if she lose everything... I couldn’t even sleep cause I’m afraid she will come to my house and my husband is not home. I understand that his kids need him but me and my baby need him too. Am I too selfish if I divorce him now just because he’s taking care of his kids?

tog redux's picture

Sounds like you are safer if he's NOT there. 

Yes, I personally think it's selfish to try to force him to abandon his older kids. You married him knowing they existed and there was always the possibility that he'd have to care for them.  You refuse to have them in your home, so what choice does he have? 

Now, if you want to divorce him because he's a cheater and a liar, that's fine. 

StepUltimate's picture

That is totally psycho! You need a guard dog like a German Shepherd who will fiercly protect you & your two bio-kids. 

I am concerned for you. Very sorry you're in this painful situation. 

shamds's picture

Your husbands kids with you and skids are all his kids equally in his eyes. He doesn’t favour one over the other and no new spouse should demand he choose her over his existing kids. This is what gives stepparents the typical bad name.

if he is a responsible parent, he wouldn’t abandon them in fostercare and bugger off with new wife because the 2 new kids are supposedly better or he should choose new wife and younger kids

you chose to marry a piece of shit man, married to a stripper whore cheater. You married a man with conflicted low self esteem to tolerate that crap and you have to ask yourself “am i worth anything to be cheated on, lied to, to actually tolerate this?” You should not be asking “are me and our 2 babies worth enough for him to choose us?”

no loving responsible nurturing parent should make another parent choose them over existing family/kids.

i hate it when i see new partners/spouses saying he/she must choose me over his family. Guess what? The world is full of arseholes and some of them are skids, inlaws, ex-partners and even bio kids. Its upto your partner to manage the dysfunctional relationship with his family away from you and not expose that to you and your kids.

his existing family/kids could be serial killers and rapists and its still his right to maintain that family relationship for life. He should not drag you or expose you to that mess

RAJ C's picture

I agree, the choice is not between the new or the previous family. If you want to stay together, then what both of oyu should be doing is figuring out how to take care of his kids without putting your kids at risk. 

Now from all you say he has done in the past I have no idea why you would want to stay together, just make sure your kids are safe and well taken care off if you split. 

Thumper's picture

Addition to what everyone has said:

Please tell me you went to the court house and filed an order of protection for YOU and your bios because of what BM has said.

And you called the police right?

AND you notified CPS? Right? They should know about BM's threats.

I suggest you have a safety plan in place. BUT get that paper trail started right away. AND do not drop the order that you will put in place against bm.

DH has minor kids that may go into foster care IF he doesnt request custody. What do YOU think he should do.

 

 

Rags's picture

The new wife, young mother & business partner calls the locksmith, re-keys the locks, files for divorce, nails the toxic prior relationship breeder for a shit ton of CS and gets on with her life while protecting her young children as much as possible from the shallow and polluted paternal half of their gene pool.

There really is no need for the prior relationship teens to go to foster care.  They can go live with their toxic mommy.

Unless...... the husband has his head on straight and keeps his foot firmly up the asses of his X and his teens. A critical success factor for this scenario is for the new wife to press charges against the teens for attempting to poison the babies.

In which case.... the current marriage may be viable.

Good luck.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

The first one’s easy. Of course you go with the better person.

The second not so much….

Honestly you move out to keep the kids safe. I had a friend who found out her middle child had dome horrible things to the little one. They had family who lived close by and he went to stay with them temporary and mom / dad would take turns staying the night and visited him almost every day. They didn’t give up on the child they had but they protected all parties.

All the family had intense therapy and with help from professionals the middle child is back in the house and everyone is doing much better.

Even though the mother had a very hard time even looking at him after finding out he had done the same thing to her daughter as what had happened to her she couldn’t just abandon her son any more than she could ignore what her daughter told her.

Stefany.lee's picture

I wish the teenagers would just go home to their mom, but the boyfriend said he’s kicking her out and she is going to be homeless and my husband wouldn’t want the kids to stay with her without a stable home. What would you guys do? I know my final option will be filing for a divorce but I want to know if I should even try and if that even worth to try.

a88ie's picture

Move on and let the parents decide this for their offspring.

If they go to foster care isnt yout problem. Look after your own.