Hey dad's with DW posting in here
(This is to be read in your best Jack Nicholson voice.)
I was looking at all the posts in the -step/bio father's den. And I saw that this was the least used out of the forums.
We do keep it orderly in here, don't we!. It's nice. (I'm patting my shirt pocket looking for a light for my cigar)
It is a bit more peaceful in here isn't it. (CLICK! oh thanks I couldn't find my light)
Whew! shake off some of those nasty vented comments about me real quick. Ugh there we go....
My DW thinks that what she says at steptalk.org means nothing I shouldn't take it personally.
Oh wait, no it's, I am twisting things, she didn't mean it that way. they were just passing thoughts.
You guys ever have this conversation with your DW?
It's not that I think she is a cold hearted you know what.
These are just passing thoughts.
Just wondering if you ever get your panties in a wad from time to time on what your darling wife is saying about you and your kids.
Maybe it is natural to feel this way. I think I have heard someone say "Truth hurts" don't it! Maybe that is the case? Maybe not. Just wondering what I should expect here. I seem to be getting caught off guard.
(Guys in the room with smiles and are gathering around me, one has pointed out the well stocked bar and said let me buy you a drink.) Scene fades.... Your reply???
Too Funny!
Guess the truth can hurt... I suppose if my hubby were on this site posting things about my argumentive daughter and my temper I'm sure I'd be a little hurt when I read what he was posting as well as the comments others make... But the only difference is that what I'm posting is nothing that hasn't been brought up to my hubby or our marriage counselor.
True, this site has tons of "angry SM's" who are all bitching about the DH and his oh so perfect little brats. Try not to take it personal. I know I've had my share of venting to my DH and these days yea it's in one ear and out the other, which is why the website is "Step Talk, a place to VENT"... and it's simply that, venting. Being that I'm now in a position where I possibly cannot vent EVERYTHING to my DH I come here b/c face it; sometimes it feels good to have somebody cheer me on for getting feelings out and to know that at least SOMEBODY (more specifically another woman) feels exactly like I do or has been where I have been.
I think when my DH first learned that I was "hanging out here" he felt a little threatened. I mean, I don't think any man would like the feeling of tons of women just ganging up on him without hearing his side as well. I'm not sure if DH has ever read anything I've posted, though he has read (or at least I've read to him) several posts that make our BM look like the Pope and the kids like angels... Sometimes that's just what we need; the reassurance that "it could be worse".
As far as panties being in a wad; untwist them and keep on truckin'. Chances are anything she's venting about you've already heard.... it just looks different when it's typed in English and not in the "woman babble" that you're used to hearing...
"I aint no Carol Brady"
mzmasi1120
(Long sigh, as I put out my cigar, blowing the remaining smoke in your direction.)
Not to be rude, or anything i just can't get out of this Jack N. roll in here.
I am hearing these things for the 1st time. IN HERE.
That is my point. You said it perfectly. It's not like I knew these things already.
Granted I get over it the things she vents. But damn... I don't like going through the pain this way. The DW I know in my home is not like the one here on this site. Which is scary. It feels like a comunication problem.
So I will do my best to man up and keep on truckin like you suggest.
And try to use this site as a tool for us.
But shit I am staying in here for a while.
(Looking around the room some more I see a guitar over there)
Excuse me I hear that thing calling my name...
It was nice getting your point of view. Thanks.
(Scene fades out with some soothing guitar strums.)
Jon-Boy
I hope you'll read this, because I kind of bit your a** in another post.
You say that the wife you read here isn't the one you know in your home. My guess is that she gets the impression from the YOU that's in your home, that you don't wanna hear it.
I'd start there, and ask her what you need to do to make her feel like she can say this stuff to you face to face.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Welcome Jon-Boy
You are too funny! Please pull up a chair and let us enjoy your company! And I miss AZ!
"And this too shall pass..."
Jack N rocks....
My hubby is happier that I've been more active on this site recently; I've been able to express how I feel in a way that he can actually understand, instead of hearing blah blah blah he now is hearing, "I'm hurt when you do this or I'm hurt when you do that". Reading advice people give me on here has allowed me to think before I speak. Example: last night I found a Barbie locket SD6 left behind. I opened it and found a pic of DH on one side, and BM on the other. My first thought was to rip out the pic of the Crypt Keeper and replace it with somebody else, but for the first time in a VERY VERY long time I was able to put myself into the shoes of my SD..... She loves her mom and she loves her dad. Why can't she have a pic of both of them? Her mom is her mom and who am I to dictate what she can and can't have in her locket. DH was concerned that it was giving SD the sense of "false hope" but I was actually able to realize that it was something totally innocent and I'm sure there wasn't a bad meaning behind it. The "old" me would've demanded DH call BM and give her a shot about putting their pics so close together.... Pretty insecure of me, I know.
Sometimes the gals (and a few guys)give me great advice and other times a good laugh. I can honestly say that after reading/posting on here I've felt better about my situation than I have in a few years. Just a few months ago DH and left counseling crying b/c it truly felt like our marriage was going to end. Today I feel like a totally different person. There are times when I'm frustrated with him and the skids (and BM of course) but I'm coming to realize that I'm to blame for many things I was blaming DH for. Nobody should have to choose between their children and their spouse (there are times though that it is probably necessary)and it's no wonder DH and I were at each others throat; I was trying to make him choose.
I'm not perfect and I still have my moments of insecurity/frustration. I told DH if he can't handle how I feel or what I have to say then he probably shouldn't be lurking on the website. Is it tempting? Probably. Can he resist? Maybe.
Perhaps your DW doesn't want to be open about her feelings with you when it comes to skids/BM. It's tough. If she's rejecting your child(ren) she's rejecting a part of you, which she doesn't want to do. She on the otherhand doesn't want to be rejected by YOU when her feelings are ignored. This step parenting stuff is pretty complicated and I PRAY my children (skids included) NEVER have to go through any of this b/c I'm too familiar with the damage it can do to the soul (I'm a skid as well and it STILL isn't easy).
Enjoy the guitar, and have another cigar.....
"I aint no Carol Brady"
I could care less.
I would not care what my wife said to people I don't know. Anyone smart enough to know better knows that there are two sides to the story.
And as for those who aren't that smart who cares what they think?
*********************
There's an exception to everything I say.
Your right. I never looked
Your right.
I never looked at it that way.
TANKS! O.C.
:-)
Thanks stuckinaz.
So how does one live in NY? but has a user name like yours? BTW it is 111 today. Remember those steering wheels that would burn the crap out of you?
mzmasi1120,
Ya know I love that you were able to grow with your behavior in here.
I can see how this place works for you. I think it is working for me too.
I have posted in this 3X now and for some reason the post went bye bye.
Bummer to, it was good stuff.
Anyways I completely know what you mean about the locket.
To feel what you felt when you first saw it, and to overcome the old you is the shit!! Good job!
Sometimes I am there doing things right, most times I am screwing things up.
I have plenty of room to grow.
I believe my DW is just avoiding the talks, she avoids confrontation at all times. I am a bit more abrasive.
I like to get in there and hash it out.
Ok here is a story about people dealing with pc of wood and how it is still effecting people 30 or so years later.
When I was in 7th grade in shop class I made a wood sign that said my last name on it to put on the house.
Well at that age I didn't put things together that my step dad would not like that name on his house. I gave it to him and my mom for there wedding anniversary present.
SD hit the roof! thought I was a evil cocky S.O.B.
so needless to say it went to my BD house. He had it till he died. (I was 18 then.)
So I keep it for a long time till I buy my own house. So I proudly hang the sign on my house.
Well this hurts my step sons feelings because he does not have my last name, feels like an outsider in the family.
So many years working with him letting him know I love him like my own. He gets over it.
Time goes by I get a divorce and years later I remarry.
While moving in to her house I find the sign and say hey hun LOOK! I am thinking... I am married again and I get to hang the sign up. Yippy!
She gives me this look...
Then I realize she does not have my last name, and now ironically I feel rejected. BUT! at the same time she is feeling different feelings about this sign than what I thought.
She is thinking I made this for my ex wife and was giving it to her. which would be crappy...
This sign seems cursed. but I keep it, it is in the garage. The wood never rotted and has survived 4 houses.
It was made with the love of a 7th grader. I never meant any harm to anyone with it.
I hope it will hang with pride one day.
Maybe our house, maybe my BS's house.
I guess with all the phases of the sign that has hurt people. I was able to work out the issue with the step son.
So to me without communication? years of hurt can go by for no reason.
So I will embrace this way of communication and hope that she will learn to confront me with no worries one day.
You know
You know, Jon-Boy, that story is fascinating.
Because it illustrates just how complicated and painful something as innocent as a last name can be, in a "step" situation. The relationships and family alliances are so complex, that your simple wood sign will probably never just be simple. It will always conjure up painful memories and painful associations for at least one person in your family, no matter how innocently you put it out there.
That's a good metaphor for how to conduct yourself in life - and for all of us, actually. We all need to be careful about how our completely innocent actions can have very strong unintended meanings for those around us. We need to be paying a lot of attention to how their feelings might be affected, because we all have those triggers that others might not immediately see.
I'll be thinking about this one all night.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
I love this story
and how true a statement you have made!!!!
Wow you guys help my
Wow you guys help my babbling sound so good!!!
Thank you.
(Note to self, Saturday night and I am on here... Need to watch my self!) I feel a new addiction a stirin!
I had a pondering thought tonight in church and thought of this situation right here in this site. And thought of all of you as well.
Our Pastor was pointing out how important it is to build up the right team around you for the right support.
You don't need someone always telling you what you WANT to hear. You need someone who is real enough and loves you enough to tell you what you NEED to hear.
Someone who will get in your face and ask you if you had a drink? Did you over eat? Did you explode with bad behavior? You know, what ever your own issues may be...
And it made me think more on some of the cool things I got feed back on in here.
And I thought... Did I get some advise I WANTED to hear? Or did I get what I NEEDED to hear?
I will leave that answer to myself for the time being.
The DW with a hurt wrist is asking me if I can take a break from what I am doing and pour the boys some chocolate milk. (I'm like I am on break!!!!)
So gatta go for now.
-JonBoy
JB, Welcome. It is always good to have another man STalker
My wife knows I am frequently here and knows basically what I say because we have lived most of it together.
She sometimes does not like my choice of words but she knows my perspective on our Son (my SS) and on our extended families. In general she appreciates that I have a place to go to get some perspective on how to deal with our Son.
Welcome. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some good advice.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
STalker
Ha! That's good!