So... I got married in July of last year. My wife has an 8 year old that is with us all the time, her biological father is starting to FINALLY get involved in a real way now that there is another guy around.... anyway
My step-daughter, whom I love, has obstinate-defiance disorder(diagnosed AFTER the wedding), which has been improving fairly steadily, but, she is still really disrespectful and argues and talks back. she doesn't have the knock down drag out hours long tantrums, but everything else is still going on. When things are good, they are GREAT, when things aren't good, they SUCK!!!
My wife and I are due with my 1st biological child who is due to arrive in June, and lately i have been almost unable to enjoy my family at all.
We have 2 rules in the house
1: Do what you're told
2: Be respectful
My wife thinks that i am too strict about respect and obedience. She says I'm too demanding of an 8 year old. And lately she may be right. Any time i'm dealing with my step-daughter and i have to keep repeating myself, or she talks back, or argues, or pisses and moans about having to do the same stuff she is expected to do every day, or she's caught lying or anything, I lose my shit! I become a whole other person. I don't like it, it scares my wife, it scares my step-daughter, but instead of a gradual build to being furious over hours of battling with the child, it just switches to it. I sometimes feel like i hate her. I fantasize about a life with my life, where she was never born. I can't help but think about how much better our marriage and the prospect of my son being born would be if we weren't constantly fighting and arguing about my step-daughter. I love her to hell and back, and i feel like that is being tested.
I don't know what to do. I've had a temper all my life, but never like this and never with other people. It's always been with myself or with something not working properly. Neither my wife or myself believe in divorce (she got pregnant in high-school and was never married before me). So, that's not an option. I want desperately to have a good relationship with my step-daughter and of course my wife.