At a crossroad
Long story, short - DW and I have been together 12 years, married for 10. She has a 20yo daughter. After we were married my authority in the home was cut from under me by DW because of pressure from her ex and daughter. Her daughter and I have not communicated in around 4 years. Here's the current issue. Her daughter went to college and spent 1 semester there. Apparently DW made the decision that she could move back in without discussion with me. Was only supposed to be for about 8 months We just passed 2 years. Her daughter finished school last summer and so far there is no plan for her to move out. There has been a history of flooded floors, broken cabinets, dog urine and poop left about. The heart of the issue is that I told DW that her daughter needed to be out by January 1. DW just completely disregards me and my wishes. I love my wife dearly, but I'm tired of being ignored. Any advice?
Welcome to the site!
I would hesitate to be so in love with someone who "completely disregards me and my wishes" - just exactly what is loveable about that? Anyone who moved an adult into the marital home without my agreement would shortly be reviewing divorce papers. Whose name is the house in? If yours, I suggest you give the girl AND her mother notice to leave.
Yes, I always wonder this -
Yes, I always wonder this - how can you love someone who shows with her actions that she doesn't love you or care about your feelings?
She knows there will be no consequences for her actions (both of them) because there aren't any. It's January 2 and both you and her DD are still there - why should she take any action?
"DW, I won't continue to live
"DW, I won't continue to live with another adult in my home. Either SD moves out on her own or you both do. You can choose which it will be. I'm done having no authority in my own home, watching my home be destroyed, and having your word to me broken about how long your daughter would live here."
I'd have separation papers alright drawn up and find out from your lawyer how you can remove your wife and SD from your home. Make it clear that this is happening, whether your DW wants it to or not.
There isn't much else you can do other than accept your fate or move out yourself. You can't control DW, but you don't have to stay on the crazy train with her.
Home is in both of our names.
Home is in both of our names. She is honestly the only problem in our marriage. I don't think DW is blowing me off out of spite. I think she is afraid of not having a relationship with her kid. And I get that and I'm not unsympathetic. But damn.
It is Jan 2. Next time DW
It is Jan 2. Next time DW and SD leave the home together re-key the locks and dump SD's crap on the curb. Only let DW back in and do not give her a key until SD is rehomed.
Your only choice is between leaving your balls in their collective purse or taking back your balls and asserting your authority as an equity partner in your marriage. SD is not a party to your marriage.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
OH my this sounds somewhat familiar. You have to act fast
I also love my wife dearly but she was for years the momma bear; child centric like your DW. Get both of you to a decent counselor who will help you both to communicate. You must each be able to repeat the other's feelings, boundaries and beliefs. My SS28 is a great guy but trashing of his area, etc (at least we make him pay a rent) and failure to launch has caused numerous awful arguments between us. Trust me that No headway will be made until you and DW are on the same page. After 5 hard years, we finally started truly communicating and listening. We still have differences but actually understand and appreciate them. Best of all, we have given SS a deadline to launch, set time to discuss budgeting and what to expect when renting or buying with him and there is an end in sight for me. If you love her enough to have put up with this abuse, then you can surely do the hard work to get that baseline set with her.