Am I been out of order or am I right to be passed off
Hey all.
Genuine question below I will explain what is making me so angry and bitter. I just want to know people thoughts. If I'm out of order I'll accept that. I suspect I may be been to harsh in my thoughts but here goes.
We have our kids 50/50 with our ex's. We get so many free nights to be together as a couple and so many with kids. We are lucky in that respect.
My partners 17 year has started working at our local, I said I hated the idea before it even came about. It started winding me up that even on our nights in there together he was always there working and when he comes home all he talks about is outer friends and what they did and spoke about in the pub etc. He tell them all our family stories etc so I feel when I go in now there is nothing to chat to mates about as he had already told us there news and told them ours.
He is now going in on his nights off and spending time with our friends. So I go to pick him up the other night as he is in there on a night he is staying at ours and we had the other kids. He takes 45mins to finish his game and all I here is what a great guy he is.
He now isn't working quiz night and wants to come with us. My partner doesn't seem to have an issue with this but to me it's our night with no kids and a night with our mates.
Now he tells us he wants his mates round Sunday night. I don't reqlly have an issue with this but his Mums out and it's me my two small ones and him and his mates, who will drink and be loud. Yes that sounds like nothing and it is its just like he lives the life of a god and wants to hang around with us then fill our house with his mates when we are not doing anything he sees as fun.
He has also broke his bed for the 5th time, I'm happy to mend it but he didn't get out of bed till his mum had to wake him up at 1230, then he has his shower and fucks about. Now I'll have to do it this evening.
Ita not that each bit is anything on its own it's just how he is allowed to do what he wants when he wants sod the rest of us.
It is starting to cause issues with me and my partner now.
Be brutel guys if I'm out of order tell me.
Thanks
I get it
Sounds like it's time for a launch plan. Is he still going to school? What are his future plans? College? Armed forces? I agree it's not right and I'd be aggravated, too. If his "plan" is for him to keep living off you guys forever, what does your wife think about that?
Search on this site for " launch plan" and " burning platform" ( reduction of amenities). Good luck!
Hey, thanks for the reply. He
Hey, thanks for the reply. He is currently at 6th form doing ALevels but it's the school holidays so apart from Friday and Saturday nights working at the pub it basically sleep all day then eat and drink everything in site.
He says he wants to go to Uni for the experience but he has no idea what he wants to do. His Mum thinks a working pre organised Gap year would be good, make him save and go and work. She hopes it would give him purpose when he gets back maybe even make him rethink Uni and go to work. I just find it hard, I didn't do education, I went straight on an apprenticeship and worked my nuts off to earn money. If he wanted to be a doctor or something maybe but he is soooo lazy.
I looked at the launch plan stuff but with his mum been soft and almost still seeing him as a child and his dad just trying to be his double and a best mate then I have no chance. Its only him I struggle with his sister is sooo different but is also not treated like a precious baby wrapped in cotton wool like he is.
I am fully expecting him to be at home well into his 20's. His Mum hasn't said anything but she must be sick of my moaning by now. She really doesn't get my pub issues but if he turns up at the pub quiz when he is on his dad's 50% time I'm not staying.
Sorry to rant.
Your SO is the main problem
Nobody normal wants there home turn into a flop house. Where people comes over drink, being loud.
Your SS should go out drinking someplace else not your home. But your DW can not see that, she wants to let her DS be happy drinking
I don't really mind that I
I don't really mind that I guess i suppose we all did it. It's just that I'm never asked and with everything else ontop.
Father as the best buddy
Morning.
very new on here myself, but I see many aspects of your post in my life too.
The Father to my Stepsons is beyond useless and has no parenting skills at all.
As for the education part, I feel your pain. My eldest Stepson is sitting his GCSEs this month. He's two years behind because of the lockdowns and is below expectations die to his Asperger's and other conditions. Plus he is bone idle, never seen someone so workshy in my life. That carries over to his education too. He's not going to get the grades he needs and if he's in the level 1 resit group in September he will likely refuse to go to college. Result, no education, no job and never likely to leave home either.
it's not easy, in fact I'm sure it's impossible to get right. I'm wondering in my own case if it's a damage limitation exercise over the next few years.
All the best