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SS lying about his school work

librarian_stepmom's picture

Hey guys.

My ss is 13 and has mental disabilities, ADHD and a possibility of an autism spectrum disorder.

He has through the years lied about finishing his homework on several occasions and always been caught in the lie instantly (he has, so far, been a horrible liar), but this weekend was the first time that he actually lied that he had already given the assignment to the teacher for grading 3 times and we believed him!

We were/are paying for a class on nerdy things for him (I'm a huge nerd myself and we totally share that) that starts tomorrow, but I'm so mad at him for lying to me over and over and over again that I'm inclined to not take him to the class. 1st of all, I have to drive there for 45 minutes, wait for him for 2 hours and drive him back, 2ndly because the class is costing us 170$ and I feel like he's let me down in a huge way with this behavior.

He is not following his class in our languages and math and english as a 2nd language (we're not american). He has simplified material in these classes, but I'm wondering if they are still to hard for him.

His father and I have full custody since his mother is a substance abuser and hasn't seen him for over 2 years.

Do you have any insights or advice for me?

librarian_stepmom's picture

He's actually going alone to the classes, they are for 12-20 year olds with some sort of disabilities, but I'm taking him there and the classes was my idea because I was sure he'd love it.
He's been assessed and has modified material in 3 out of 6 subjects, he's still not doing as well as he's "supposed" to, given that most of his material is on a level 2 grades below his.
I'm just so gutted by him lying to me like that Sad

Rags's picture

I would apply the consequences for lying. No class, about 5000 sentences along the lines of ....

"I will do my homework and turn it in on time. Lying about doing my homework results in consequences including not taking (the class) and countless hours of writing sentences."

Every sentence in perfect hand writing, perfect grammar, and perfect punctuation at a pace of 160-180 sentences per hour performed in an isolated room by himself with access to nothing but a tablet of writing paper and a pen or #2 pencil (no eraser, no covering up those mistakes)and a sharpener. One missed quota or one handwriting/punctuation/grammar mistake adds another 180 to the count.

The sentence should referrence both the infraction and the consequence to keep both at the front of his mind and to drive home the decision/consequence relationship.

13 is about the perfect age for this as this is the age when they are wanting to do things that they want to do.

It worked wonders for my Skid (SS-23 though no adopted) at that age and he has beautiful handwriting from his countless hours doing sentences. My son does not have the developmental issues that your Skid has so the tactic may or may not be as effective. Who knows, it could be even more effective.

IMHO of course.

notarelative's picture

Since you are wondering if the class (the one he lied about) is still too hard, you need to explore that. You need to meet with the teacher and the person who set up the modified class.

Lying you need to address, but without knowing your son, and the reason he lied, it is hard to determine a consequence. Outright defiance vs impossible assignment lied about. Both get consequences, but different one.

If he has difficulty in school and would be successful in the class, I would still take him. He needs some success. Success breeds success.

Plus if you have already paid for the class, you most likely won't get your money back.

librarian_stepmom's picture

I talked to the people running the nerd class.
They are a social behavior trainer and a psychologist. Both of them want me to bring him because, as you say, success breeds success, and he will hopefully learn that I stick to my words and he won't make a liar or a traitor out of me, even if is behavior is unacceptable.
I'll figure this out Sad