ODD

Whisper1276's picture

Does anyone else have problems dealing with a stepchild with ODD ( oppositional defiance disorder). It drives me crazy to the point of not wanting to be here. She was supposed to go to her mom for the summer and school year but her mom doesn't want to deal with her. She was going to counseling and was on adderall but her father made her responsible to take her med daily (she was 10 turning 11) and since she wasn't taking her meds like she was supposed to her father took her off of it. Her father and I can't spend time together without her right there with him, as soon as he gets home from work they're spending time together watching a movie or playing xbox until he goes to bed and even then she comes to the room waking us up over things that can wait until morning... like one night she woke him up to tell him there's dishes in the sink. I work mostly overnights and when I'm at home it would be nice to get uninterrupted sleep which seems to be impossible. Does anyone else go through stuff like this? 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Why are you still with this man? I read your post from almost a year ago where you said he was a sociopath. It is clear he is not going to make sure his daughter gets the help she needs - what kind of a father takes his daughter off of her meds because he won't make sure she takes them?

Were you able to return to therapy? It sounds like you were able to get a job.

Whisper1276's picture

No I wasn't able to return to therapy, my new Dr put me on zoloft because my anxiety and depression got worse. Honestly I don't know why I'm still with him... maybe the fear of starting over again? Easier said than done. My daughter is getting her own place and I'm helping her with the deposit to hold the apartment. I'm going to be spending a lot of time at her place and eventually move in with her until I can make it on my own. I just don't know how to handle all this in the meantime.  Also hubby got a new job, after he's done with the tests he'll be taking care of middle school aged children who are in a group home,  he's bad influence and I hope the coworkers he'll have will see that before he has any bad impact on their lives 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

It is scary to start over - but it can be also be great if it gets you out of a bad situation and into a better one. Will he have to spend nights at the group home? Until you are ready to leave, maybe you can work your schedule around his so you are working when he is home and home when he is gone.

Whisper1276's picture

I work overnight weekends at a group home, we both work there, the one he's going to start working at he'll be shadowing overnights until they put him where they want him next month. I work with a 21 year old who has ODD, hard living with one at home and then going to work to be around one, isn't as bad at work though 

Whisper1276's picture

They don't know. He puts on a good show, he'll eventually show his true self. His new job is way more by the book than the group home we both work at

tog redux's picture

He put a 10-year-old in charge of her own meds? My DH is almost 55 and I still have to remind him to take them.

Nothing you are describing says ODD, though - that would be her arguing, being defiant, being vindictive and spiteful.

Whisper1276's picture

He was reminding her, she just wasn't taking them unless he stood there and watched her. She was diagnosed ADHD and ODD. She shows both pretty well and the way she argues with and controls her father,  I can imagine what it's going to be like when she's a teen which I don't want any part in. A few months ago she killed her hamster because she didn't want it anymore and didn't want anyone else to have it either.  She's very disrespectful towards everyone. I've tried to help with her but he feels sorry for her and goes against me and then tells me I don't help him with her. He punishes her, then apologizes... tells her she can't do something one day but then allows her to do it the next day, I don't understand it. It's very difficult for me to be in the same room as them because of the tone of voice she uses when speaking to him, or them yelling at each other. Respect is something that I was raised with, I  would've been back handed if I had acted that way, I just leave the room or put on headphones 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Save YOUR money where your sociopathic DuH can’t find it and get a place with your DD. Y’all can function like roommates.

Whisper1276's picture

That's my plan.. especially since I'm fed up with getting woke up very early in the morning sometimes,  very hard for me to fall back to sleep. SD msgd him on fb msgr at 3:40 am to tell him good night and I've been awake since then.  Hubby is mad at me because I'm upset about it. I told him I'm going to be the same way, he said I should and I told him that includes him. He said he didn't do anything and I told him I know he didn't do anything, then he went off about that I don't do anything about my kids but I do. My kids are 20 and 21 and they don't act like that,  the problem with them is getting them to do stuff, which he tries to get them to do stuff he should be doing too. Ugh yeah definately way past time for me to go

Rags's picture

I for one would not live in that situation and would be immediately blissfully single if I were you.

A mentally ill unmedicated kid whose father enables the insanity and facilitates her being off of her meds.

Nope. Not a life for me.

Whisper1276's picture

We moved into town, same landlord. My ex sis in law who I've been friends with for 19 years now needed a place to stay along with her kids so she stayed with us and I helped her get on her feet and I'm waiting for the basement to be done (she moved to a duplex and the basement is a finished 2 bdrm) which flooded with a storm we had got a few weeks ago and they're remodeling/fixing it and it'll be ready to move into soon which me and my son are going to go half on. Situation has gotten worse, I was working 2 jobs plus cleaning, mowing,  taking out the trash,  etc plus SD is urinating on towels in her closet, husband isn't helping anything. She follows him around and wants to spend every moment with him and looks forward to me going to work because he tells her that after I go to work they'll go get snacks and watch movies ( been going on for months). If I don't want to go with him somewhere he has her go with him. I haven't been spending time with him in a few weeks now and I quit my 2nd job that I started a few weeks ago since my boss at the group home increased my hrs from 20-32 a week to 40+ a week with only being home Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I'm on the path to getting out of yet another toxic marriage ( he doesn't know yet)